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Thread: Friend as a short term roommate?

  1. #21
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    Thanks again everyone. Lots to think about. I'm going to talk to my ex tonight and my daughter on the weekend when she's with me. My daughter is my #1 priority.

  2. #22
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    Originally posted by spike98
    Jesus christ, some of the reply's.

    If he is a 20 year friend, its worth giving him a hand if you can. Its not like you met the guy a few years back. Reverse the roles. Buddy is going through a breakup AND doesn't have a place for 3 months. Imagine how you'd feel if people were not there for you when life throws you a curveball.

    To make it successful, just plan ahead. Clear it with your kid and ex. Discuss things like groceries, personal spaces, use of shared accommodations (kitchen/Bathroom ect). Quiet hours for both of you. Boundaries with your kid. Visitors ect. Chances are he is willing to agree to pretty much anything because he is likely desperate and its temporary. Draw up an agreement if you feel you need too.

    Personally, i wouldn't charge him rent (maybe a small SD just in case), but id ask for the utilities to be covered and him to buy his own food or at least split it. I wouldn't feel comfortable benefiting over someones hardships but i wouldn't want to be out of pocket.
    He broke up with his girlfriend, has his place rented(paid for), it's not like he got fired and fell on hard times, def make him pay rent lol..

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    I wouldn't do it but that's just me.

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    If he ends up not being able to stay with you, have him consider scouring AirBNB for rental options and contacting owners personally to see if they can work out an arrangement cheaper than their AirBNB rates.

    I had some friends who had to vacate their house 2 or 3 months before they were able to move into their new home and they didn't have a lot of rental options for that short length of time until they came up with the idea of looking on AirBNB and found a place. Some owners may jump at the chance for a few months of guaranteed income.

  5. #25
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    How often is your daughter even there? "Part time" means what? Half time? Every weekend? Once a month?

    Also, aren't you an adult? Why do you need a 6 year old telling you what to do? Kids are emotional creatures, so it seems pretty stupid to base real life decisions on their input. Being a man means making decisions, and not leaving it in the hands of children of EXs. What do YOU want to do?

    Considering it's 3 months, I'd probably help the buddy out. Charge him rent of course though.

  6. #26
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    Originally posted by cet
    jwslam - I tried to reply but your mailbox is full.
    Fixed

  7. #27
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    Originally posted by JfuckinC


    He broke up with his girlfriend, has his place rented(paid for), it's not like he got fired and fell on hard times, def make him pay rent lol..
    Have you been divorced? Most, if not all, end up one sided for the woman. Buddy may not have a condo when he is done. Not to mention thousands of $$ in lawyer bills.


    Originally posted by Feruk
    How often is your daughter even there? "Part time" means what? Half time? Every weekend? Once a month?

    Also, aren't you an adult? Why do you need a 6 year old telling you what to do? Kids are emotional creatures, so it seems pretty stupid to base real life decisions on their input. Being a man means making decisions, and not leaving it in the hands of children of EXs. What do YOU want to do?

    Considering it's 3 months, I'd probably help the buddy out. Charge him rent of course though.
    While i agree with you, i think you are forget the impact living arrangements can have when it comes to custody agreements. Its better to be open and honest about it then for it to bite you in the ass in court.

  8. #28
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    Originally posted by spike98
    Have you been divorced? Most, if not all, end up one sided for the woman.
    How is this still a thing?
    Follow me on Instagram and Facebook!

  9. #29
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    Originally posted by Feruk
    Also, aren't you an adult? Why do you need a 6 year old telling you what to do? Kids are emotional creatures, so it seems pretty stupid to base real life decisions on their input. Being a man means making decisions, and not leaving it in the hands of children of EXs. What do YOU want to do?
    lol, follow this line of thinking if you don't want custody of your kid.

  10. #30
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    Originally posted by spike98


    Have you been divorced? Most, if not all, end up one sided for the woman. Buddy may not have a condo when he is done. Not to mention thousands of $$ in lawyer bills.
    .
    I had no idea how insane the costs were until we talked to my buddy. Theyre going through a nasty divorce and theyre well over $40k with no real end in sight yet. He was telling me it was $250 per email lol
    As a man you dont go into a divorce wanting full custody, consider it a victory to get more than 2 weekends a month

  11. #31
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    Originally posted by msommers


    How is this still a thing?
    Its better, don't get me wrong. But its still very lop sided. #genderequality

  12. #32
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    Originally posted by spike98


    Have you been divorced? Most, if not all, end up one sided for the woman. Buddy may not have a condo when he is done. Not to mention thousands of $$ in lawyer bills.

    You need a lawyer to break up with a girlfriend now?

  13. #33
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    Originally posted by Feruk
    Also, aren't you an adult? Why do you need a 6 year old telling you what to do? Kids are emotional creatures, so it seems pretty stupid to base real life decisions on their input. Being a man means making decisions, and not leaving it in the hands of children of EXs. What do YOU want to do?
    I'm guessing you haven't had to deal with divorce or custody issues before. I'm not asking them to tell me what to do, I'm discussing the potential situation with them. I communicate with my ex about issues that could impact our daughter. I would expect the same courtesy from her.

    It wouldn't matter if I had my daughter 2 days a month or every other week. That is her house as well and shouldn't be forced to live with anyone she doesn't want to. She has been through enough having her parents divorce. I'm not going to make things any worse for her if she is against it.


    Originally posted by spike98
    Have you been divorced? Most, if not all, end up one sided for the woman. Buddy may not have a condo when he is done. Not to mention thousands of $$ in lawyer bills.
    This situation isn't like that. They weren't married just living together as girlfriend/boyfriend at her place. There are no lawyers or splitting of assets involved. He takes his stuff and goes back to his life and she does the same.

  14. #34
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    Originally posted by Tik-Tok


    You need a lawyer to break up with a girlfriend now?
    I think the lawyer talk is for cet, not his friend since cet is the one with custody issues.

    His friend does sound like needing only 3 more months to crash somewhere and he's gone. Which I also wonder why the original friend he is staying with now won't keep him around for just 3 more months.

  15. #35
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    Originally posted by Xtrema

    I think the lawyer talk is for cet, not his friend since cet is the one with custody issues.
    Everything is good with me, we did everything without a lawyer. We have our own places and the divorce was finalized a year ago. I'd like to keep things harmonious though.

  16. #36
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    Originally posted by cet


    I'm guessing you haven't had to deal with divorce or custody issues before. I'm not asking them to tell me what to do, I'm discussing the potential situation with them. I communicate with my ex about issues that could impact our daughter. I would expect the same courtesy from her.

    It wouldn't matter if I had my daughter 2 days a month or every other week. That is her house as well and shouldn't be forced to live with anyone she doesn't want to. She has been through enough having her parents divorce. I'm not going to make things any worse for her if she is against it.

    Well fucking said!

  17. #37
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    Originally posted by cet


    Everything is good with me, we did everything without a lawyer. We have our own places and the divorce was finalized a year ago. I'd like to keep things harmonious though.
    That's nice and rare. I have not heard of one break up that didn't go bat shit and money all ended up in lawyers' pockets.

  18. #38
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    I'm a person who likes his space after work, having a roomie who is always home is a no fly zone.

    As a friend I've always helped people in similar situations (minus having a kid).

    If he sits at home all day and night it would drive me nuts. Plus your daughter is young might confuse her? I dunno.

    Main thing is you have to ask beyond, you have some doubts.

    I've lived with a friend for about 2 years now(after a divorce). Both work shift work so were rotating constantly and sometimes go weeks without seeing each other so it works. Him being there all the time, will drive you nuts in about 2-3 weeks.

    If he's that good of a friend suck it up, lock it in on paper he's out May 1st and help a brother out. Of course making sure kid n ex are okay with it. If not you have an easy out to not end friendship saying "The ex isn't okay with me having a roommate." Always blame the Ex. hahaha

  19. #39
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    Originally posted by cet
    This situation isn't like that. They weren't married just living together as girlfriend/boyfriend at her place. There are no lawyers or splitting of assets involved. He takes his stuff and goes back to his life and she does the same.
    Common law partnerships aren't always that simple. Hopefully your buddy has at least seen a lawyer. Pre-common law assets would be safe, but after that...Split it.

  20. #40
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    I recently moved to Edmonton April 2016, it was very short term notice with work and all, and needed a place to stay.
    Firstly, a long term friend and her husband offered me a room to stay, I stayed there 4 months or so until I needed to leave as they were listing their house (very reasonable imho)... I then moved in with a colleague (also another close friend we go out almost every weekend). We too are still great friends.

    If it's short term, my advice would be to be a "bro" and help your friend in need out.... I think it'd be more awkward for your friendship if he knew you had space and time etc etc... and didn't help him out.

    But do what works for you guys and your family too! Best of Luck!!
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