Social Taboo - Regret having children

[Dumbass17]

Originally posted by J-hop

... Now people are pushing me to have kids. I tell them I don't want one and they always say "you mean right now". No fuckface not "right now" I just don't have any want for a child end of story.. .

+1
Are you me?!
People do that to me too, and it's annoying. Having kids is like religion/politics/Crossfit to me. Do whatever you want but don't force that shit on other people, keep it to yourself.

[CokerRat]

Originally posted by tehwegz
Also...introducing kids into this world that is becoming increasingly becoming fudged up. My kids would live to the year 2100+ ... that's insane. The problems, etc. we have now by comparison of what may be by then...and they will inherit all of that as well as the generations after them.

Every generation has a reason to fear for the future at some point. In the last 100 years, we've gone through two major world wars, threat of nuclear armageddon, energy crisis, AIDS epidemic, it just goes on and on. People have procreated over millenia when times were tough and the future looked bleak.

[Seth1968]

Originally posted by CokerRat
Every generation has a reason to fear for the future at some point. In the last 100 years, we've gone through two major world wars, threat of nuclear armageddon, energy crisis, AIDS epidemic, it just goes on and on. People have procreated over millenia when times were tough and the future looked bleak.

I don't even differentiate between the time tenses. Society always has, and always will be far to repressive for my liking.

[JRSC00LUDE]

It's ok to never want kids. I didn't, I just wasn't proactive enough about it and I accidentally had one. If I could go back and change that, I still wouldn't have one. Is that regret? Perhaps?

But I can't, and I do have one. So it's my job to do it well, and he's fucking great. Everyone who knows or meets him, school staff, etc remarks on how incredibly happy he is and he tells me how much he loves me a dozen times a day I'm sure. If I could do it over, I'd have no problem remaining childless but since I have one I have no problem doing the best I can so he grows up happy, loved and with the skills he needs to succeed in whatever form the world takes.

[Sugarphreak]

...

[Seth1968]

Originally posted by Sugarphreak
I think I've successfully passed the age to have kids, and I've had a moment here and there where I thought it might be nice.

However... then I see a family with kids in a parking lot at the grocery store; their shitty beat up minivan they can barely afford to keep on the road that stinks like puke and talcum powder from 20 feet away, screaming-blubbering kids that are resisting them at every turn, totally ruining their day out that hasn't even started yet, and the absolutely miserably parents trying to carry two dozen ridiculously awkward items between them, that look like they have lost all will to live in their permanently stained cloths and cheap sneakers. They move across the parking lot like a slow moving twister... banging into other cars, random toys and litter flying out, making a horrendous racket of the most annoying noises known to man.

It is at times like those when I shake away those thoughts, and say to myself "Fuck that shit, I am getting a 6$ grande soy vanilla latte at Starbucks and kicking back with a newspaper"

You selfish prick! Happiness is suffering!

I recall that Simpsons episode when Marge and Homer tell Dr.Hibbert that they're expecting their first child. They get handed a pamphlet that's titled "So you ruined your life"

[born2workoncars]

The problem I see is that intelligent people often see the logic in avoiding procreation. That leaves a lot of dumb people reproducing.

There's an exception to every rule, but the law of averages will govern accordingly.

Idiocracy is inevitable.

[Dumbass17]

^^^^haha so true.
Whenever I see a couple with a stroller or kids, they NEVER look happy. They look like they hate their lives and just can't wait til the kid turns 18 and moves out.

I remember talking to a coworker about our weekends once. We both went to a beach, him as a parent, me as a single guy, same age.

He took his kids, dragged all their toys from the car to the beach so they could not play with them and then one kid shit itself so he had to drag it like a dirty diaper to the ocean to rinse off (gross).
Then I told him about my weekend in which I surfed half the day, then drank beer and played frisbee on the beach with friends.
He simply looked defeated and said "we have very different lives", he looked like he was ready to throw in the towel

[Seth1968]

Originally posted by born2workoncars
The problem I see is that intelligent people often see the logic in avoiding procreation. That leaves a lot of dumb people reproducing.

Idiocracy is inevitable.

I've mentioned the exact same thing a few times on Beyond.

The educated, logical and practical people have chosen to either not have kids, or have fewer. The uneducated, emotional, and dogmatic people are doing the exact opposite.

Math says this will only lead to total fuctardery. Yes, even much more so than we have now. It will be all encompassing.

[bjstare]

Originally posted by Seth1968


I've mentioned the exact same thing a few times on Beyond.

The educated, logical and practical people have chosen to either not have kids, or have fewer. The uneducated, emotional, and dogmatic people are doing the exact opposite.

Math says this will only lead to total fuctardery. Yes, even much more so then we have now. It will be all encompassing.

This is so true it hurts.

[nickyh]

With all the obstacles I had to overcome to have my daughter, I can honestly say even though I'm tired, I love her to bits and don't regret having had her. I've grown so much as a result of having her in many ways.
I would have always regretted never never being a mom and having my daughter.

If I had known the lemons in life I was going to be thrown to have her, I would have started much much earlier, but then maybe I wouldn't have her, life would be different so it's a catch 22 in my mind.

The things in life I have to give up are worth it to have her.

[heavyD]

I have two boys and zero regrets. Okay I have one regret in that I wish I had them both in my late 20's rather than mid-30's. Really if you don't have kids you have to resign yourself to the fact your retirement years will be lonely and you will probably die alone. When you get old family is all you really have.

[heavyD]

Originally posted by born2workoncars
The problem I see is that intelligent people often see the logic in avoiding procreation. That leaves a lot of dumb people reproducing.

There's an exception to every rule, but the law of averages will govern accordingly.

Idiocracy is inevitable.

Intelligence can lead to selfishness. Smart enough to know what you will lose dinner dates, golf, vacations, etc. However you can only fill your life with so much of that superficial stuff before you realize it's pretty empty. That said some people aren't cut out to be parents. My sister has never met anyone she loves more than herself so it makes sense for her not to have kids.

There's also something to be said for keeping the family bloodlines going. You and your wife will perish one day and it's nice to know that your children will carry on your legacy. Without that you death is purely statistical.

[Seth1968]

Originally posted by nickyh
With all the obstacles I had to overcome to have my daughter, I can honestly say even though I'm tired, I love her to bits and don't regret having had her. I've grown so much as a result of having her in many ways.
I would have always regretted never never being a mom and having my daughter.

If I had known the lemons in life I was going to be thrown to have her, I would have started much much earlier, but then maybe I wouldn't have her, life would be different so it's a catch 22 in my mind.

The things in life I have to give up are worth it to have her.

Honest question for you and everyone else who have had kids. If you intended to have kids, what was your motivation to do so?

Originally posted by heavyD
Really if you don't have kids you have to resign yourself to the fact your retirement years will be lonely and you will probably die alone. When you get old family is all you really have.

Is there no such things as friends?

[ExtraSlow]

Not sure regret is the right word, but I've often wondered what my life would be like if I had chosen not to have kids. My situation is pretty ideal, the kids were fully planned, and we have supporting families.

Thing is, it sure hasn't been a cakewalk. I don't want to sound like some unrealistic millennial, but the highs haven't exactly outweighed the lows. The sleep deprivation led to depression. Some psychological/ behavioral issues have meant that I'm much more likely to get kicked than hugged. I spend a lot of my time meeting with specialists from both inside and out of the school system. At this point, I seriously wonder if my kid will be riding the short bus to a "special" school soon.

[Seth1968]

Originally posted by heavyD


Intelligence can lead to selfishness. Smart enough to know what you will lose dinner dates, golf, vacations, etc. However you can only fill your life with so much of that superficial stuff before you realize it's pretty empty.

There's also something to be said for keeping the family bloodlines going. You and your wife will perish one day and it's nice to know that your children will carry on your legacy. .

Anything can lead to anything. Furthermore, most people that choose not to have kids, do so with very well thought out and unselfish reasons. The same can't be said for most people that choose to have kids.

Also, I don't see any good reason why one would feel the need to leave a legacy, but if one has that need, then it's based in selfishness and egotism.

[J-hop]

Originally posted by heavyD


Intelligence can lead to selfishness. Smart enough to know what you will lose dinner dates, golf, vacations, etc. However you can only fill your life with so much of that superficial stuff before you realize it's pretty empty. That said some people aren't cut out to be parents. My sister has never met anyone she loves more than herself so it makes sense for her not to have kids.

There's also something to be said for keeping the family bloodlines going. You and your wife will perish one day and it's nice to know that your children will carry on your legacy. Without that you death is purely statistical.

I've heard both the "life is superficial without them" and the "bloodline" claims.

What is superficial about pursuing what makes you happiest in life? What is superficial about living your life the way you want to and not the way you are told is the "right" way to do it? Why does your definition of what is superficial and what isn't apply to anyone but yourself.

And what is important about bloodlines? This isn't the Middle Ages.

Doesn't matter if you do or don't want kids. But trying to claim one way of life is an "empty" way to live your life is pretty ridiculous.

If your life is empty without kids that is just downright sad to be honest. One shouldn't have kids to fill some void in their life. They should compliment your life not plug a hole...

[C_Dave45]

Originally posted by heavyD
I have two boys and zero regrets. Okay I have one regret in that I wish I had them both in my late 20's rather than mid-30's. Really if you don't have kids you have to resign yourself to the fact your retirement years will be lonely and you will probably die alone. When you get old family is all you really have.

I'll second this. We also had two boys, but our first was when we were both 22. My oldest son became my best friend, drinking buddy, golf partner very early on in life. I work almost everyday with him and in the last 14 years of working for/with me, we've only had one blow up.
Our only regret is that we didn't have more kids. (Lost one in between our two) We see people in their 20's and 30's with new babies and both the wife and I are very jealous. Wife can't wait for grand-babies. Unfortunately my oldest and his wife said they will NEVER have kids. They like to travel and love their dog too much.

Raising our kids, we didn't find it hard at all. Both of them slept through the night from day one. We never went through the rebellious years. Never had the cops come to the door. Our youngest is developmentally disabled, which has meant he's been our "little boy" a lot longer than most parents get. At 22, he still loves being with "Mom and Dad". He'll probably move out at some point, but that's still years away. Being that way means he has never been a problem. Never had that "I hate my parents" attitude. I'll try to get him to have a beer when we're out, and he always orders a coke when we're in a bar. lol.

I love kids. Wished I had more of them. We still plan holidays with the whole family, including the DIL.

[C_Dave45]

Originally posted by J-hop


Doesn't matter if you do or don't want kids. But trying to claim one way of life is an "empty" way to live your life is pretty ridiculous.

If your life is empty without kids that is just downright sad to be honest. One shouldn't have kids to fill some void in their life. They should compliment your life not plug a hole...

That may be true to a certain extent. But I know quite a few people who are in their 60's and 70's, who have never had kids. Not one of them has said, "I'm so glad I never had kids". Conversely, every old timer I know loves having his children visit or call them or take them out to dinner, and has never said "God I wished I never had kids".

Oh wait...except my sister. She's only 40. Has two kids and her life is summed up thusly (and often said she's regretted having them) even looks like her:

[J-hop]

I respect your opinion. But I think having kids just because down the road there might be a chance you'll be happy you had them is a horrible reason to have kids. I don't know but I fully plan to be traveling the world in my 60s and enjoying life without financial burden.

I mentioned earlier the only reason IMO you should have kids is because you are passionate about having them, full stop.