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Thread: Social Taboo - Regret having children

  1. #161
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    Originally posted by min_boost
    I am so glad my parent had me. They give me lots of $$$, whatever cars I want and tons of baller things to make me look more baller to the world lol. They don't need that much just my presence in return.
    Lol this guys makes a post every year or so.

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    Originally posted by Disoblige

    Lol this guys makes a post every year or so.

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    I think it's really too bad some believe talking about regretting children is taboo. I think it would give people a more realistic view of being a parent before they make that choice.

    Parents seem to more often than not, sugar coat things and try to make parenting seem like a Disney movie where your hard work is rewarded, and that their kids are a source of unconditional love. That simply isn't true as far as I can see, love is not unconditional. I think everyone has a friend that doesn't see or speak with their parents anymore. Hard work is not always rewarded. I know my parents were not rewarded for the hard work they put into me.

    I find it bizzare when new parents say things like "I had no idea it would be this much work". I would say i have about a 5% understanding of the amount of work involved in being a parent and that 5% is already a miserable amount that ive likely never experienced in my entire life. Even my most brutal work periods would never even compare to the level of work involved in even my meagre 5% understanding.

    My understanding is being a parent is a brutal unrelenting workload that for at least the first few years destroys your soul. But I think because the average parent views any sort of regret as taboo you see potential parents getting misled and being blindsided in the end about the amount of work.
    Last edited by J-hop; 03-15-2017 at 12:14 PM.

  4. #164
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    Originally posted by J-hop


    My understanding is being a parent is a brutal unrelenting workload that for at least the first few years destroys your soul. But I think because the average parent views any sort of regret as taboo you see potential parents getting misled and being blindsided in the end about the amount of work.
    I have 2 kids - both under the age of 3 and yes it's hard, but this is absolutely false. it's more rewarding than anything else i've done. and i feel love for them to a level that I never thought possible. it's alot of work but it's also a lot of fun. when i travel for work and leave them, I think to myself 'yes, some time away is going to be nice' and then i miss them before i've even been gone for 12 hours. based on discussions with others that have kids, this is pretty normal. like i said in a previous post, i feel regret 5% of the time or less. maybe 10-15% of the time i feel frustrated or annoyed. but a good 80% of the time I love it.

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    Originally posted by timdog


    I have 2 kids - both under the age of 3 and yes it's hard, but this is absolutely false. it's more rewarding than anything else i've done. and i feel love for them to a level that I never thought possible. it's alot of work but it's also a lot of fun. when i travel for work and leave them, I think to myself 'yes, some time away is going to be nice' and then i miss them before i've even been gone for 12 hours. based on discussions with others that have kids, this is pretty normal. like i said in a previous post, i feel regret 5% of the time or less. maybe 10-15% of the time i feel frustrated or annoyed. but a good 80% of the time I love it.
    Well I think "seasoned" parents often will tell you about their perceived reward but never how hard it was to get that and how much they sacrificed in the process. or even if it was a net positive result in the end. Leaving new parents with a fairy tale view of parenthood.

    Maybe it's also just some of these new parents are trying to look important when they say "you have no idea how much work it is". You're right I'm not going to experience it but I think I have a pretty good idea that it is a brutal workload and that helped me make my decision although it certainly wasn't a primary reason

  6. #166
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    Originally posted by J-hop


    Well I think "seasoned" parents often will tell you about their perceived reward but never how hard it was to get that and how much they sacrificed in the process. or even if it was a net positive result in the end. Leaving new parents with a fairy tale view of parenthood.

    Maybe it's also just some of these new parents are trying to look important when they say "you have no idea how much work it is". You're right I'm not going to experience it but I think I have a pretty good idea that it is a brutal workload and that helped me make my decision although it certainly wasn't a primary reason

    I find this thread fascinating because of all the different perspectives. I appreciate everyone sharing and reminds what a sensitive subject this is and how I should be more cognizant of people's perceptions one way or the other.

    I have sort of had the opposite experience from what you described above.

    I was under the impression it was going to be a brutal workload and that you would never get a minute to yourself and you won't get to experience the freedoms you had before kids.

    I've had mostly positive experiences in the first two years we have had our son, I still get my time for my own activities, I still enjoy playing hockey in my beer league, travelling, etc. But I also get the enhanced experience of having a child and seeing them grow and enjoy life etc. (as I already posted about)

    Like many have said, a lot has to do with lifestyle, and the type of person you are, what you find fulfilling in life etc.

    Again, fascinating discussion.
    These opinions are entirely my own and do not represent any other person or organization.

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    .
    Last edited by Amysicle; 12-06-2019 at 08:59 PM.

  8. #168
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    I have a boy that's almost 11 months. It has been a lot of learning for sure. As someone stated it sucks for the bank account but hey... We have everything we need and still get to go on vacation but maybe not on the same type of adventures vs no kids. I wouldn't change a thing as it's awesome watching him being so interested in the small things and trying new things such as enjoying the taste of new food items, crawling, showing off he can climb the stair case now, saying dad, jumping for joy when I get home from work to reaching up happy trying to get a hug and saying dad at the same time after work makes it all worth it.

    I'm sure there's way more to experience in the future and it is cool see both our traits in him too. Although my wife says he's virtually a mini replica of me
    Last edited by s2k_boi; 03-15-2017 at 10:26 PM.

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    ^

    That is great! They are a bundle of joy especially when they run to you to give you a hug. My wife say our daughter is particular, just like me :-)

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    Originally posted by Sugarphreak
    Education is a big one as well

    I think a lot of people in developed countries realize how fucked the world is for human over population, and that their contribution may actually lead to an early demise of the human race rather than it's prolonged continuation.
    I'd counter-point that with the reasoning that we need MORE intelligent and educated people to contribute to finding solutions to the problems. The uneducated will continue to produce like rabbits regardless of how bad the world gets.

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    Originally posted by Tik-Tok


    I'd counter-point that with the reasoning that we need MORE intelligent and educated people to contribute to finding solutions to the problems. The uneducated will continue to produce like rabbits regardless of how bad the world gets.

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    Originally posted by Tik-Tok


    I'd counter-point that with the reasoning that we need MORE intelligent and educated people to contribute to finding solutions to the problems.
    So the intelligent bear children to go on a suicide mission?

  13. #173
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    Originally posted by Tik-Tok
    I'd counter-point that with the reasoning that we need MORE intelligent and educated people to contribute to finding solutions to the problems. The uneducated will continue to produce like rabbits regardless of how bad the world gets.
    Less-educated people doesn't mean uneducated children...

    I bet this hits home for a lot of people

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    Can't use the term educated and intelligent interchangeably. They are 2 different things.

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    Originally posted by jwslam

    Less-educated people doesn't mean uneducated children...
    Agreed.

    I also know some highly educated and VERY intelligent people with terrible kids because they are more concerned with their own success and status than they are their kids.

    As a result they spend no real time with their kids and instead just put them in expensive schools, endless extracurricular activities and spoil them with "things".

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    Originally posted by Disoblige
    Can't use the term educated and intelligent interchangeably. They are 2 different things.
    +1

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    Originally posted by Disoblige

    Lol this guys makes a post every year or so.
    that was gold.

  18. #178
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    Funny how you all think I'm using the term "educated" to mean schooling, those two terms aren't completely interchangeable either.

  19. #179
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    Originally posted by Tik-Tok
    Funny how you all think I'm using the term "educated" to mean schooling, those two terms aren't completely interchangeable either.
    We, or at least I, never said that at all.

  20. #180
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    Originally posted by min_boost
    I am so glad my parent had me. They give me lots of $$$, whatever cars I want and tons of baller things to make me look more baller to the world lol. They don't need that much just my presence in return.

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