Social Taboo - Regret having children

[SOAB]

Originally posted by Seth1968


The only reason given to have kids was 'I felt like it'. I don't consider that a valid answer.

just cause you think it is so, doesn't make it so.

Originally posted by Seth1968

If your kid did something which you consider wrong, would you accept 'I felt like it" as a valid reason? Of course you wouldn't, but society accepts that reason when making a life changing decision by bearing children.

having children is not wrong. hitting a sibling for no reason is wrong. telling a lie is wrong. if you can't wrap your little brain around that concept, i feel sorry for your child...

[Super_Geo]

Originally posted by secol


out of curiosity, what age did you come up with?

35

[Tik-Tok]

Originally posted by Super_Geo


35

No scientific reason to limit it to 35 though. It is no longer thought of as as the "high risk" age to get pregnant after.

[Super_Geo]

Originally posted by Tik-Tok


No scientific reason to limit it to 35 though. It is no longer thought of as as the "high risk" age to get pregnant after.

Agreed, there were studies that attributed older women being more worried about being older, thus monitoring and reporting more, which lead to skewed data.

But by then, we had settled on the number, and it's kind of funny how that works... not sure if it's laziness, or this 'your decisions are relatively arbitrary and you create a narrative to justify it to yourself' theory that's becoming more and more popular.

[Tik-Tok]

Originally posted by Super_Geo


But by then, we had settled on the number, and it's kind of funny how that works... not sure if it's laziness, or this 'your decisions are relatively arbitrary and you create a narrative to justify it to yourself' theory that's becoming more and more popular.

Yeah, my arbitrary number is 40. I've always said I'm getting "snipped" for my 40th b-day. No real definitive reason as to why, other than not wanting to HAVE to work over age 60 to put my kids through college (but likely will be anyways, which is why it's arbitrary, lol)

[timdog]

Originally posted by benyl
I have 2. My pocket book hates them. I love them. I'm jealous of those that decided not to have them. If I had to do it over again, I'd still have them.

well said. very mixed feelings having kids.
I will say this, there are MOMENTS i regret having kids, but those moments are probably 5% of the time or less. it's like running a marathon, rewarding, but hard. there are moments where you are wondering why the hell you are doing it and looking at the spectators who arent running the marathon and thinking 'fuck, must be nice'.

[heavyD]

Originally posted by ee2k


Such absurd statements. These are the very reasons why people feel pressured to have kids in our society.

1. You are not guaranteed that your kids will be there for you in your retirement age. Ask the majority of people in old folks homes, which is where you're likely end up anyway.

Strange rebuttal seeing You aren't guaranteed anything in life. You could outlive your kids.

Originally posted by ee2k

2. If you have kids so you won't be lonely, you did it out of selfish reasons, so you don't feel lonely at a later date. This is especially wrong if/when such parent can't provide for a good upbringing, where the kids have to go through poverty without what they deserve to grow up with

When did I say I had kids so I won't be lonely later in life? It's a benefit that's all.

Originally posted by ee2k

3. With more and more single and/or childless ageing people, there'll be more people alike to keep each other social. I have multiple friends that don't want kids period.

That's good for you and your friends. Nobody is saying that's wrong or can't happen. Friends do move when they retire in their old age. Some go to BC, some to retirement oriented places like Lethbridge. Your friends today are highly unlikely to be around during retirement but that's not to say it won't happen for sure.

Originally posted by ee2k
4. Travels, dinner dates, exploration are much better than cooking up beans and counting the days on the calendar for the date that the kids will come visit one day. I'd want my life to be full of experiences and contributions, not heartaches and dependence on others..

I don't cook up beans and still have dinner dates. Done exploration on family holidays. My life has actually been full of more experiences post kids. You can be single, married, have kids and all have heartache. Odd statement.

Originally posted by ee2k
5. Lineage? Bloodlines? Are you royalty? You must think very highly of yourself if you and your legacy is your decision factor for having kids. Again, a selfish act in my opinion.

Selfish for wanting to continue the bloodlines of your parents granparents, etc? I would say more selfish to take a stance you don't care about the history of your family seeing they are the reason you exist. When did I say that was a deciding factor in me having kids? It wasn't but I'm proud to be able to continue the family lines through my two boys. Of course I think highly of myself. It's called high self esteem. If you don't think you are/or will be worthy of any legacies then you have bigger problems than having/not having kids.

I really don't understand why people that don't have or don't want kids feel so pressured. There are no threads here telling people to go out and have kids just this pessimistic thread as why not to have kids. If you are getting pressure from your inner circle that's something you have to deal with as an adult. Life is tough and I'm not going to shed a tear for a person that can't handle a bit of internal pressure to have kids. If you don't want them don't have them. Simple as that and man up and tell the people pressuring you that it's not a life you want to lead.

A person with your mindset should not have kids so I applaud that you are not going to go down that road. It's not for everyone obviously.

[Seth1968]

Originally posted by SOAB


just cause you think it is so, doesn't make it so.



having children is not wrong. hitting a sibling for no reason is wrong. telling a lie is wrong. if you can't wrap your little brain around that concept, i feel sorry for your child...

I never said anything about any of that.

You keep insulting me for things I've never said, and I've been polite about it. Too bad though, as we were all having a civil and intriguing conversation until you came along and spoiled it with an irrational and emotional outburst. That certainly is the type of person who shouldn't have kids.

[HiTempguy1]

Originally posted by spikerS
^^ Replace dogs with cats. I seem to see that more often.

I'm deadly allergic to cats, only mildly to dogs. Apparently every women nowadays has at least one, if not two cats, and possibly a dog. And because they are their "fur babies" (god, just barfed a little ) you'll never get them to get rid of them. Which is fair, but throws a huge chunk of dateable women out the window.

Also, animals are f'ing expensive nowadays.

Originally posted by RealJimmyJames
They have zero regrets about having kids, but seem to think that somehow their wives have turned into unreasonable monsters.

I've met a bunch of people whose girlfriend's/wive's become like this once they have a kid. Everything the guy does comes under complete scrutiny, life is gone, even if there is some spare time, not allowed to do anything.

From what I've seen, there are two things that affect relationships and having kids:

1) People not being honest with each other/getting to know each other. It's hilarious how naive/how little some people know about their spouses. Why would you want to be in a relationship like that?

2) Just because you have kids does not mean they should take every single minute of both parents days'. They should work on making sure each has time to de-stress.

I hope to be a dad someday. Would love to help nurture a kid's enthusiasm for learning and see them become successful. Some of my best memories are with my father, I respect him a lot. I'd like to have that.

[HiTempguy1]

Originally posted by Tik-Tok


No scientific reason to limit it to 35 though. It is no longer thought of as as the "high risk" age to get pregnant after.

Um... for the dude or the chick?

There certainly are large concerns and risks for women over 35 to have kids.

[SkiBum5.0]

In the future, an alien race will find beyond.ca, and this thread will be used as evidence of why humans went extinct. Evidence will also be found of large nightclubs with 80+ age rules for Seth and his "crew" to have fun at.

[Tik-Tok]

Originally posted by HiTempguy1


Um... for the dude or the chick?

There certainly are large concerns and risks for women over 35 to have kids.

For the girl. The "35" number has been debunked over the past 30 years. There is an increase in risk every year you get older, but there is no sudden jump at 35.

[Sugarphreak]

...

[SOAB]

Originally posted by Seth1968


I never said anything about any of that.

You keep insulting me for things I've never said, and I've been polite about it. Too bad though, as we were all having a civil and intriguing conversation until you came along and spoiled it with an irrational and emotional outburst. That certainly is the type of person who shouldn't have kids.

uh, your question was if my kid did something that i deemed wrong, would "i wanted to do it" be an appropriate answer.

basically, what you're saying is that having children or procreating is wrong and people need a very good excuse do that wrong deed.

[Seth1968]

From the OP:

Originally posted by RealJimmyJames
I've been exploring this topic more recently, and it's fascinating to me.

What seems to be incredibly controversial is the idea that some parents might regret their choice to become parents. I understand that our evolution has created a situation where the vast majority of parents find the experience rewarding, and in some cases, even pleasurable, but is it really so crazy to think that some parents feel differently?

I find it a fascinating topic as well. More specifically, the psychology behind it. For example:

Society seems to shun people who have decided to not have kids, and often call them derogatory names such as selfish. Yet the childish couple typically makes those decisions for UNSELFISH and compassionate reasons. Further to that, if you dig deep enough into it, I and others have pointed out that any reason to have kids is based in selfishness. I'm not saying it's good or bad, but rather pointing out the blatant irony and hypocrisy off the name callers.

[jwslam]

Originally posted by rx7boi
My girlfriend wants kids eventually and we've had this talk. I only want one, maybe two. They're expensive to raise and it's a change in lifestyle so you have to be practical about what you're willing to sacrifice in order to achieve that goal.

I'd hate to have a kid and end up being resentful about all the expensive vacations I didn't take, the things I can no longer afford, and the time I no longer have. If you're in it, you're in it for the long haul.

From this post alone - Sounds like you don't even want kids at all and you're just caving in to be with her... I don't see this ending well for you, her, or the kid(s)

[J-hop]

Originally posted by Tik-Tok


For the girl. The "35" number has been debunked over the past 30 years. There is an increase in risk every year you get older, but there is no sudden jump at 35.

Agreed, as I mentioned before, under 40 there is still a 99% chance of having a perfectly healthy baby so not sure why people keep claiming you need to get on it before 35

Originally posted by Sugarphreak


I kind of disagree with this. To me, trying to leave a legacy of any kind is pointless... at some point your bloodline will end, and anything you may have accomplished will be reduced to dust. No matter how hard you try, your life is nothing more than an insignificant blip on the radar of the universe.

A bit of a pessimistic view perhaps, but accepting it at least gives you a crystal clear understanding your life is all about seeking out the experiences that make you happy.

Make the most of your life, do what brings you satisfaction and gives you purpose; and sure as hell never bend to the pressure of society and live it for somebody else.

Agreed. It is interesting too, the whole lineage thing seems to be a man thing. Ask a guy who is concerned with lineage if they would take their wife's name after marriage and the answer will probably be "fuck no". When asked what last name would the children take the answer would probably be "mine of course".

I'm tempted to take my girlfriends last name just to fuck with people

[Sugarphreak]

...

[ae92gts]

Originally posted by HiTempguy1





I've met a bunch of people whose girlfriend's/wive's become like this once they have a kid. Everything the guy does comes under complete scrutiny, life is gone, even if there is some spare time, not allowed to do anything.

From what I've seen, there are two things that affect relationships and having kids:

1) People not being honest with each other/getting to know each other. It's hilarious how naive/how little some people know about their spouses. Why would you want to be in a relationship like that?

2) Just because you have kids does not mean they should take every single minute of both parents days'. They should work on making sure each has time to de-stress.

I couldn't agree more with this. Its like a switch, 9 months of happy/excited anticipation to unreasonable monster just like that.

my daughter was only 4 months old when I came home from work to see divorce papers waiting for me.

#2 was exactly the demise.

But somehow, being a father makes it all worth it. And I'm not just saying that lol

[rx7boi]

Originally posted by jwslam

From this post alone - Sounds like you don't even want kids at all and you're just caving in to be with her... I don't see this ending well for you, her, or the kid(s)

No, you misunderstand. I want a kid as well and our conversation is that we'll have a kid, maybe two after we get married.

The second part of my post was I meant that people shouldn't have kids if they're not will to forego some financial, time, and lifestyle resources in order to raise a family.

I'm saying "I would hate to be in a position where I had a kid and bitched about all the things I used to have", I didn't mean that's what I would do, haha.