2017 Formula 1 Rolex British Grand Prix

[R154]

Well Gents, the time is near.

I am always excited for my home race!!

As always, #44 for the win.

With all the controversy surrounding both Seb & Lewis, I expect this race to be hard fought.

Couple that with this race being the halfway marker on the season; from here every point, every place and every race really matters for WDC and WCC.

I am still not confident that Seb will be able to keep up his lead in WDC. Something has to give. I am of the belief that something in the next couple races will restore the advantage to Lewis or at minimum, Mercedes.

Bottas has been quietly contending in the background. A couple more P1's and he will be contending quite nicely.

I do wish to see Lewis take home a 4th WDC, but I could live with anyone except for the finger winning it.

I'm still hoping to see Verstappen complete a fucking race. He is for my money the most exciting driver on the track pound for pound right now.

I really want to see McLaren do well this race. But, I am predicting either a double DNF or a single DNF and a 19th place Stoffel finish. It will be really nice to see Williams coming on form too.

Someone will find a way to crash into Alonso. Just the way of the world, I think.

[rage2]

McLaren looking at more penalties even though they prepped for it previous races because yet another MGU-H update haha.

Alonso also mentioned something about his Spec 3 ICE being fubar'd as well.

[chongkee_]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

McLaren looking at more penalties even though they prepped for it previous races because yet another MGU-H update haha.

Alonso also mentioned something about his Spec 3 ICE being fubar'd as well.

I don't know how Alonso can stay sane with all this happening to him.

[R154]

He's getting paaaaaaaaaaaaid is how.

He might be a racing driver, but he is biding his time until he spots a better opportunity or McLaren gets their shit together. My hope is that he could replace Felipe or maybe have a last chance at a big team.

Who knows, he might leave F1 altogether.

he seemed to really like Indy....

[tonytiger55]

This should be a good race in the motherland!!

I predict one Mclaren to finish one car… Alonso this time (don’t ask me why, I have no clue).

I think Von Messchersmit has been in denial about the wins from Hamilton and Bottas. Its messing with his head.

He probably saying to himself ‘Nein nein.. dis cannot bi’. The psychotic intensity of denial increases… The mighty Von Messchersmit must find a way.

Von Messchermit returns to his home at Castle Woflenstine.


He walks to a tower in a seclude section of his castle. As he enters, his nostrils are filled with the musky smellz of unwashed racing feet, with a candle lit vigil he resigns himself in solitude to his Schumacher shrine.
He lays down on his back, raises his legs above his head and begins his structured routine of bicycle kicks whilst rubbing one out and his famous finger up his ass. Von messerschmit looks upon the ceiling where the portrait of his racing fuhrer is, he looks upon him with loving grace. He is suddenly interrupted by his fraulein bagging on the door. Sebu! Come down for dinner, I made bockwurst sausage, I spent all day at the market’.
Nein nein… go away fraulein, im busy! But Fraulein beats the door with all her heart, ‘Sebu, stop this perverse nonsense!’.
Nien nien! He screams!. Von Messchermit, looks away from the door and regains his focus on his forgotten leader… he looks at the portrait with crazy eyes… and increases the intensity of his bicycle kicks ‘Guide me, mien fuehrer, guide me!’
In a sudden moment of clarity and orgasmic spasm Von Messchermit locks eyes with the painting on his ceiling… everything becomes eerily silent.. it became clear to what Von Messmiot must do in his Red Baron. The operation to conquer the mighty Goomba at Silverstone … He himself (Vettle) must BE the SEA LION..! Das Uber Sea Lion..


In the stuttered silence, and over the crying sobs of his Fraulein, who now sat slumped against the door sobbing.


The bockwurst sausage she had spent so hard in preparing and obtaining from the Herman the fat butcher at the village market, now sat cold on the dinner table. Fraulein sobs and tears flow down the stairs..into the kitchen (past the uneaten sausage) and out into the river Rhine.
A solitary bard sat across the bank looking at the water in solitude..
In a moment of awakening…the Bard struck the strings on his Celtic instrument and entered into a sad solo German rendition of Justin Timerlake Kry me Und Riveeeeeeeeeeer….



Across the English channel and in over the glorious English countryside. Hamilton is suddenly awoken in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. His phone is ringing… its..coming from Bletchy Park. Who could be calling? Hamilton answers.
‘Gooombaaaa, you must use DRS’
‘Who the fuck is this?’
‘Goommmaaaaa, D…. R….S’
‘Da…. Damon Hill is that you? You gota stop calling me in the middle of the night, this shit is too wer-‘
‘Goombaaaa, you must use the force’ Then silence.. the phone had been cut.

Goomba sat at the edge of the bed. Something was up, something was coming. He looked over at his pussy cat doll next to him on the bed. Then looked into the darkness, he could feel it.
‘Come back to bed Goomba’
‘No, something is not right, I can’t do it’
“It okay Goomba, its ok to have a small dic-‘
‘I mean the race hun, the race.. I can feel it’
‘Are you not sure it’s the Chicken Vindaloo you ate last night, I mean my tummy was also a bit funny-‘
‘No’ Quipped Gooomba..’ I can’t win at Silverstone. Im out matched, the Red Baron is too consistent.
But there might be a another way… it’s a long shot..but it just might work..’
‘Gooomba no.. your not thinking of-‘
‘ I have to go back… I have to’’
‘Noo Goomba noooo’

Goomba starts to undress himself out of his gimp outfit and staggers downstairs. His pussy cat doll screaming behind him… ‘Gooomba don’t do it!!!’
‘Its my only chance!’
Goomba runs down to his man cave, throws his play station 4to the ground, slams his Xbox.. ‘Where is it!!’ He runs across to the nearby cupboard and throws out the play station 3, Playstation 2, The wii…’where is it!!’ he sobs… The shed… omg the Shed.. He runs outside ape like and storms into the little shed at the end of the garden.. He pulls out a old musty box, a old SNES system… ‘yes!!.. But no no’’ where is it where is it..?!’ Except for the console.. The box is empty..
Defeated, Goomba throws around old boxes in a angry tantrum… and then slumps to the floor sobbing…he feels his world title slip away.. then suddenly …in the corner of his eye he notices a the moonlight illuminating a small shape at the end of the shed. He reaches for it.. just like it is the last cup of Christ.. His eyes light up with joy he hold its in the air… ‘I have a chance.. I have a chance!’….
In his hand is the original copy of SNES Mario Kart 1992…




The preparations for the Battle of Britain at Silverstone had begun..



Too be continued...

[Buster]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Well Gents, the time is near.

I am always excited for my home race!!

As always, #44 for the win.

With all the controversy surrounding both Seb & Lewis, I expect this race to be hard fought.

Couple that with this race being the halfway marker on the season; from here every point, every place and every race really matters for WDC and WCC.

I am still not confident that Seb will be able to keep up his lead in WDC. Something has to give. I am of the belief that something in the next couple races will restore the advantage to Lewis or at minimum, Mercedes.

Bottas has been quietly contending in the background. A couple more P1's and he will be contending quite nicely.

I do wish to see Lewis take home a 4th WDC, but I could live with anyone except for the finger winning it.

I'm still hoping to see Verstappen complete a fucking race. He is for my money the most exciting driver on the track pound for pound right now.

I really want to see McLaren do well this race. But, I am predicting either a double DNF or a single DNF and a 19th place Stoffel finish. It will be really nice to see Williams coming on form too.

Someone will find a way to crash into Alonso. Just the way of the world, I think.

I love Max...and for the moment I'm wearing a Redbull racing hat because of some family connections to one of the sponsors. So it works out - except for the DNFs.

[rage2]

Im surprised he didn't use the bockwurst for round 2.

[R154]

Jesus christ Tony. If I host an F1 party this year you're invited.

You must be a real nutter in person.

You make it hard for me to take my racing seriously, damn it.

[tonytiger55]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Jesus christ Tony. If I host an F1 party this year you're invited.

You must be a real nutter in person.

You make it hard for me to take my racing seriously, damn it.

Arrange the party... I'l bring the bockwurst and beers...

Im surprised you don't think the Von Messchersmit will keep the lead. I think its almost his to lose. The Red Baron is consistent, the only thing stopping him is the hot head he has. I dunno, maybe he should rub one out before the race.

I heard because Alonso has spent so much time on the stinker sulking after each DNF, TOTO Toilets are seriously considering being a sponsor. Gives a new meaning to the DNF eh..?= i. e Did not Flush..


Can you imagine Martin Brundle trying to interview Alonso..? 'Alonso.. how was your shit before the race..?'
' Yo.. it was awesome.. it flew out my ass...I was sitting on le crapper and the vtech finally kicked in'



I cant wait for the race.

[ganesh]

@tonytiger55 Apparently hamoji's are coming to the app stores pretty soon and it is a perfect compliment for your Gooomba references

[R154]

I had to catch myself when I was talking about this race with my coworkers. I almost called him a goomba. God damn Tony.

sonofabitch

[tonytiger55]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

@tonytiger55 Apparently hamoji's are coming to the app stores pretty soon and it is a perfect compliment for your Gooomba references

This is awesome...it just gets better and better.. All we need now is one of a WW1 Red Bi Plane

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

I had to catch myself when I was talking about this race with my coworkers. I almost called him a goomba. God damn Tony.

sonofabitch

You should have. Then if you co workers asked why you called him Goomba, just say you didn't.. it will mess with their heads. They will then spend the whole day thinking they are hearing things.. Then put suble references around like pictures. Or get colleagues to say stuff to them in relation it. Hell I do it all the time. Its bloody hilarious.
I was showing my new girlfriend the story. She did not understand the British humour or the subtle gaming and WWII references.. She just looked at me and gave me a strange look. The kinda of 'We just had crazy mad sex and now your showing me this weird shit look..' She did a Alsonso, she excused herself and went to the bathroom to sit on the toilet and consider her life choices.


Back to the race.. Bottas got a penalty..

As Von Messchersmit prepares for his practice session with a look of determination and pure focus, he puts on his helmet and starts to get into his car… He looks up and see’s Goomba walking slowly towards him and stopping a distance away. He watches and recoils with horror as Goomba reaches up and without breaking eye contacted he lifts a Brockwurst he is holding and slowing bites into it whilst looking directly at Von Messchersmit.
VVon Messchersmit eyes widened through his helmet shouts with anger ‘Nein Nein. He starts to jump out of his car. His mechanics are wondering what is going on and think he is losing it. The fight to hold him down and back. They have no idea of the Goomba standing aways away.
Goomba slowly and seductively takes a another bite of the juicy Brockwurst that he had secretly ordered from Herman the fat German. He slowly turns and melts into the crowd. Goomba had just won the first dogfight of the battle of Britain..

[R154]

P1 Mclaren is P1!!!!!!!!! Through Q1 lol.

Good show.

- - - Updated - - -

I just wish the happiest of moments to our favorite fellow, Mr. Don. Sir, today you are slightly vindicated? To bad stoffel sucks.

Of to Q2 you go!

[speedog]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

He's getting paaaaaaaaaaaaid is how.

He might be a racing driver, but he is biding his time until he spots a better opportunity or McLaren gets their shit together. My hope is that he could replace Felipe or maybe have a last chance at a big team.

Who knows, he might leave F1 altogether.

he seemed to really like Indy....

Better yet, Earnhardt's ride is open.

[ganesh]

WOW that's a Mega Lap

[R154]

Any series that he can be in a competitive car and have a competitive drive is what he deserves.

LOL Grosjean is such a boob.

[tonytiger55]

Daaang... I guess eating Brockwurst for breakfast payed off for Goomba...

That mid pack looks like its going to be a good race..
WTF happened to Alonso..? Did he forget to take a shit this morning? His timing suggests he did..

[R154]

Pretty much a dream start for me.

[ganesh]

Oh man I feel so bad for Kimi. Finger boy has a boat load of luck.

- - - Updated - - -

I take that back........ WDC is now wide open

[R154]

Awwww fuuuuuck ya you motherfuckers. Especially you Tony. Sit and spin on his finger.

It's on bitches.