Texting an Ex

[jwslam]

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Unsurprisingly the OP never came back after everyone told him he's getting shafted.

He probably decided to MARry the girl.

[JordanEG6]

I was going to add something constructive. But everything has already been said.
I came for the results.

[mr2mike]

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He probably decided to MARry the girl.

Busy planning the ultimate proposal.

Sounds like ExtraSlow can mentor more than just Oil and Gas.

[Brent.ff]

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He probably decided to MARry the girl.

Originally thought you had hit caps lock accidently..this is much better

[BokCh0y]

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He probably decided to MARry the girl.

Besides all the great advice and the excellent write up from Shak and Ludelver, this is one of the best posts So true!!!

[Kloubek]

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Unsurprisingly the OP never came back after everyone told him he's getting shafted.

I suspect she's getting shafted too. Or at least considering it.

[project240]

Update. So 2 nights ago we sat down and chatted about this situation as well as respect in general. I decided to go in guns a blazing as I was obviously pissed off about the situation.

I think she immediately understood the severity of the situation in my eyes and apologized profusely and immediately sent a text to the guy in front on me basically telling him to Fuck off.

I don't like to be one to snoop, so I generally don't but she's has said many times in the past as well as current that I'm welcome to look at her phone anytime as she has nothing to hide. I know how important trust is in a relationship and sometimes a person can be blinded by love so I'm going to leave it for now assuming she "gets it now and won't happen again.

I do appreciate all the replies confirming my thoughts were right. But I also trust that she is a great girl who was oblivious in a sense to how negative of an impact it has had. Will update again sometime in the future...

[bjstare]

It's good she did that for you.


That being said, I wouldn't date with a girl that needed to be told to stop talking to ex's in that fashion. I think it's super disrespectful to the person you're with (if you're in a serious relationship) to do that at all. IMO it speaks volumes that she did that without considering how it would make you feel. To each their own though.

[G-ZUS]

I once dated a girl that was "bestfriends with her ex" , promptly told her to take a hike

[TomcoPDR]

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I once dated a girl that was "bestfriends with her ex" , promptly told her to take a hike

Right away a few spins of merry go round though right?

[ExtraSlow]

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Sounds like ExtraSlow can mentor more than just Oil and Gas.

I like this quote.

[G-ZUS]

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Right away a few spins of merry go round though right?

PIITB merry-go-around kinda thing

[Swank]

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It's good she did that for you.


That being said, I wouldn't date with a girl that needed to be told to stop talking to ex's in that fashion. I think it's super disrespectful to the person you're with (if you're in a serious relationship) to do that at all. IMO it speaks volumes that she did that without considering how it would make you feel. To each their own though.

Hopefully the experience knocked some sense into her, she actually realized how shitty she was being, and wants to be on the straight & narrow because it's the right thing to do, not because someone wants her to.

[shakalaka]

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Update. So 2 nights ago we sat down and chatted about this situation as well as respect in general. I decided to go in guns a blazing as I was obviously pissed off about the situation.

I think she immediately understood the severity of the situation in my eyes and apologized profusely and immediately sent a text to the guy in front on me basically telling him to Fuck off.

I don't like to be one to snoop, so I generally don't but she's has said many times in the past as well as current that I'm welcome to look at her phone anytime as she has nothing to hide. I know how important trust is in a relationship and sometimes a person can be blinded by love so I'm going to leave it for now assuming she "gets it now and won't happen again.

I do appreciate all the replies confirming my thoughts were right. But I also trust that she is a great girl who was oblivious in a sense to how negative of an impact it has had. Will update again sometime in the future...

While I agree with some that say this shouldn't have happened in the first place, I do believe in giving a second chance depending on the situation. Example, situation like this a second chance is warranted because maybe she is just oblivious to it and didn't know what it meant in your eyes and finally realizes it. Anyway, it's good to hear that it's all fine. I hope it works out for you as I wouldn't wish the pain of a seriously broken heart on anyone (well maybe except that one bitch of an ex). Good luck with everything.

[BokCh0y]

Hate to say it, but very high probability he will text again, the real test is what she'll do and whether she tells you or not. How do you know for sure she's not gonna instead secretly respond to him? Because she told you she won't or she sent a text telling him to fuck off? That doubt will always be there in your mind, and that'll become a huge trust issue moving forward, not good in any relationship.

Cjblair is spot on in terms of the respect aspect, this should've never happened in the beginning period. And if so, it should've been put to an end as soon as she got into a relationship with you. Shak and Ludelvr have great posts that are upfront and offer great advice about the situation. If she thought the relationship was serious and she is 100% committed to you, a) she wouldn't have commented initially that it's not a big deal, this is how it's always been, to accept it and to not try and control her. Like seriously....how the fuck is it ok to continue talking to an ex while in a relationship especially when it centers around sexual innuendos? b) it should not have come down to you asking for confirmation here on what you already know - she shouldn't be messaging him period. And c) you shouldn't have had to have a sit down discussion as recent as a couple days ago for her to understand the gravity of the situation and put a stop to it. Again, putting a stop to it should've been done right at the beginning.

Me personally, I wouldn't be thinking about future plans with this chick. This would be a casual relationship for me going forward.

I hope that I am wrong OP and that I'm just being super pessimistic about the situation. But from experience through friends, (and this isn't coming from the it's happened to me with a partner previously aspect) but rather the aspect of the asshole that keeps in contact with the ex, given how she's responded thus far, she's likely to keep responding in secret based on her reaction and response to you up until the recent discussion. Guys are guys, and like chicks, we always want what we can't have.

Good luck and please keep the updates coming. I am really curious how this will turn out and I am really gunning for you OP that it works out.

[msommers]

I'd be ok with giving her a second chance. True you had to call her out but it's possible she fucked up and is admitting that.

Tough call but if you think the relationship is worth fighting for, you need to know she feels the same way or else it'll happen again likely without you knowing.

[project240]

I actually do believe her... we literally spend all of our free time doing everything together so I really don't have any trust doubts.

She's on her second and last chance and she knows it now. You're right that the real test will be in a week or two or 8 when it happens again. That's when I'll know for sure if my point was made.

I'd honestly probably walk away if this wasn't the girl I think I'll one day marry (I've never said that in 35 years...)

[max_boost]

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PIITB merry-go-around kinda thing

dang! gzus man! haha

[LUDELVR]

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I actually do believe her... we literally spend all of our free time doing everything together so I really don't have any trust doubts.

She's on her second and last chance and she knows it now. You're right that the real test will be in a week or two or 8 when it happens again. That's when I'll know for sure if my point was made.

I'd honestly probably walk away if this wasn't the girl I think I'll one day marry (I've never said that in 35 years...)

BokCh0y makes a very valid argument but at the same time, I know exactly where you're coming from. It seems the older one gets and the more experience that come across the table can make a person see the worst in people and it's difficult to overcome sometimes. That being said, the naïveté in people is still a real thing and it's possible that she did not really want to offend you but at the same time, she does like the attention. I don't know her from a hole in the wall so you will have to make that call.

One thing I do know is that I did not want to lose my wife because I enjoyed the attention from my ex constantly messaging me so I did what I had to do. I joke with my wife now that my ex's little girl is the same age as our boy and that we should hook them up when they get older...arranged marriage style! She did not find any of this funny.

[Swank]

^ damn, you better have a horse cock or a supply of diamonds on hand to get away with that kind of joking