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  1. #1
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    Default Texting an Ex

    My girlfriend has an ex (from several years ago) who continues to text her several times per week, mostly sexually related stuff. "We should have sex one more time", "I miss You, we should get together", does your boyfriend go down on You, how is it...

    Stupid shit like that. She never initiates the conversation, but does usually reply with very generic, low detail responses.

    It bothers me because I don't think that's right, but she says she has always done that and I should just accept it. We have a very happy relationship and even if we weren't together she wouldn't pursue anything with him, but feels like her replying is enough for him to continue to try and gives him false hope.

    Am I just being a idiot and shouldn't give a shit or are my concerns justified. I have talked to her about it, but it doesn't go anywhere. She says I am being jealous and controlling by telling her to stop.

    Thoughts?

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    she's liking the attention..hard pressed to say this isn't emotionally cheating.

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    Quote Originally Posted by project240 View Post
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    but does usually reply with very generic, low detail responses.
    I wouldn't be pissed at the ex. I'd be pissed at the gf knowing that she likes it.

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    If she can't ignore him she isn't over him...that would bother me. Especially with the nature of the texts. She should be cutting that off out of respect for you IMO. It might be different if he just checked in every now and again to see what she's up to, how she's doing, etc. but it doesn't seem like that is the case. Every time she replies she is encouraging him to keep doing it.

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    Yeah that's a no fly zone. She should not respond.

    If she's responding, it's cause she likes it. Obviously the ex is going to keep going.

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    Quote Originally Posted by project240 View Post
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    Am I just being a idiot and shouldn't give a shit or are my concerns justified. I have talked to her about it, but it doesn't go anywhere. She says I am being jealous and controlling by telling her to stop.

    Thoughts?
    No, you are very justified. Ask her if she'd be ok with your ex sending you texts like that.

    I would also be concerned about the ex to be honest. Still sending texts like this, knowing she's in a relationship? He might escalate it in some way that will be more than just texts.

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    Quote Originally Posted by project240 View Post
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    My girlfriend has an ex (from several years ago) who continues to text her several times per week, mostly sexually related stuff. "We should have sex one more time", "I miss You, we should get together", does your boyfriend go down on You, how is it...

    Stupid shit like that. She never initiates the conversation, but does usually reply with very generic, low detail responses.

    It bothers me because I don't think that's right, but she says she has always done that and I should just accept it. We have a very happy relationship and even if we weren't together she wouldn't pursue anything with him, but feels like her replying is enough for him to continue to try and gives him false hope.

    Am I just being a idiot and shouldn't give a shit or are my concerns justified. I have talked to her about it, but it doesn't go anywhere. She says I am being jealous and controlling by telling her to stop.

    Thoughts?
    Dude, you have a problem... Not with her ex, but with her...

    She's instigating and promoting this behaviour with her responses. Unless she has some type of attachment with work or something to her ex (where she HAS to be polite and respond), there's no need for her to respond to promote the behaviour other than for enjoyment, or she likes the attention.

    With that being said, this shows a huge personality trait of hers, that you need to consider before you put more effort in to the relationship. This trait (and everything it's capable of allowing her to do), will be there forever.

    You've mentioned it bothers you, but it sounds like she is persisting. So who else talks to her, and who else does she engage with?

    You could try and tell her to stop and force her (which I completely disagree with as you should never try to force someone to do something they don't want to do), but at the same, do you want to have to tell you girlfriend to stop that kind of stuff?

    If anything, looking at this from a 3rd person PoV, it sounds like shes capable of (or is) cheating emotionally or physically, the potential thereof, and trying to keep her options open.


    I find this type of behaviour and trait very common in Calgary. I don't know if it's due to the female-to-male ratio, the attention that women get here, etc... But it's a BAD sign!
    Sig was pwned by Moderator!

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    Tell her to block the ex? no chance she should be replying or acknowledging that shit lol... I'd be annoyed my man, for sure. He's a loser for what he's doing, She's being rude to him by replying and giving him any attention/hope, and extremely rude to you.

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    For her: "You can't control someone else's behavior, but you can control your response."

    If she's committed to your relationship and if she respects you, she will need to set a boundary with her ex. A clear "I'm in relationship, I don't appreciate messages like this, nor do I want them. It's disrespectful to my partner, so if you keep doing this I will be blocking you.'

    If she can't or isn't willing to do that, then you know how committed she is, and how much she respects you. Deflections/reversals such as "you don't trust me" may occur. If it does, again, you know where your relationship stands and how much she respects you. At that point, it's your call as to what you do (and how much of a doormat you are).

    Edit: the term is "DARVO": DARVO refers to a reaction perpetrators of wrong doing may display in response to being held accountable for their behavior. DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zhariak View Post
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    I find this type of behaviour and trait very common in Calgary. I don't know if it's due to the female-to-male ratio, the attention that women get here, etc... But it's a BAD sign!
    Yea, I've dated girls like this, only really see it in the under 30. I haven't really dated outside of Calgary, so can't say if it's a Calgary only thing.

    My advice, enjoy the relationship for what it is, don't take it so seriously (she clearly isn't), and be prepared to walk away like a boss.

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    Big red flag for me.

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    Bad sign for sure.

    You should re-evaluate where this relationship stands because any woman worth something doesn't engage in this kind of behaviour.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hampstor View Post
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    "You can't control someone else's behavior, but you can control your response."
    Wise words and it applies to the OP as well.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zhariak View Post
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    I find this type of behaviour and trait very common in Calgary. I don't know if it's due to the female-to-male ratio, the attention that women get here, etc... But it's a BAD sign!
    To be fair if you commonly find this with woman, even in Calgary, its likely a reflection of the woman you are meeting up with not a reflection of the city.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lasimmon View Post
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    To be fair if you commonly find this with woman, even in Calgary, its likely a reflection of the woman you are meeting up with not a reflection of the city.



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    I knew I wasn't crazy to think/feel that way. She is an amazing girl and I have no doubt that she has no intentions/would never cheat physically, but I do feel emotionally cheated and it makes me feel like shit.

    I need to sit down and have another serious talk with her about this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by project240 View Post
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    I knew I wasn't crazy to think/feel that way. She is an amazing girl and I have no doubt that she has no intentions/would never cheat physically, but I do feel emotionally cheated and it makes me feel like shit.

    I need to sit down and have another serious talk with her about this.
    Look at it this way:

    1) This is a friend of hers that you would be hanging out with regularly, which makes it even more fucked up.
    2) It's not a friend of hers, but she is keeping in contact.. because reasons?

    Either way there are ulterior motives whether she will admit it or not.

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    Sounds to me that she likes the attention.

    So post nudes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by project240 View Post
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    but I do feel emotionally cheated and it makes me feel like shit.
    .
    if that aint reason enough to stop, then you know she's not worth it


    Quote Originally Posted by D'z Nutz View Post
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    Sounds to me that she likes the attention.

    So post nudes.

    knew beyond was slipping. 18 posts before one of these!?

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    Wow she responds? Fuck that.. dump her.

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