Should I dump my girl?
I don't usually post personal stuff on here but one of the previous posts about OP's g/f texting an ex inspired me to put this up and get some bro advice from beyonders. I apologize for the long ass post, i've tried to summarize in point form as much as possible. Basically i'm dealing with a 26yr old kid (i'm 31) that thinks it's ok for me to pay for everything and that it's alright to call someone like her b/f an "asshole" for no real reasons. She also seems to have issues with me spending time with my family and other stuff i've listed below. I'm at my wits end and i just feel like i should walk away.
- Unreasonable expectations of time spent together. She got mad at me when i had to pick up my niece last min. at the daycare. We didn't have any plans at all that night, though she mentioned she wanted to see me, i compromised and told her I would be able to see her after my parents were able to come and look after my niece.
- A few weeks back i took my niece trick or treating for Halloween, which was planned ahead of time and i communicated to my g/f a week out that i would be doing this. I usually drive my g/f home after work, it just so happened that she had to stay late for work that same night and she got mad at me as a result of me spending time with my family and not being able to drive her home
- On the subject of my niece/family, she seems to think i spend too much time with my family. On average i see my family about 3-4 hrs a week, we usually do Sunday night dinner. it's been this tradition for awhile now. My family is very accepting and has always invited her to dinner.
- We have very different views on money. Her expectation is that the guy or bf should always treat the lady, i've paid for a majority of our expenses to which has frustrated me as there is no equality or balance. I've communicated this to her many times and we've had many fights on this and she finally decided to chip in a little more. i would say now we're at 80/20 split which i can live with, though it's still not where i want things to be.
- my g/f will often call me "cheap" or mentions that i have this look on my face every time i spend money. I genuinely don't believe i make this "face" when i spend money and have been very sensitive to it, though i still don't see it.
- She lives at home w/ her parents and i live out on my own. My expenses are a lot more than hers and i have a huge debt to pay back from a failed business 3 years ago. I have disclosed all my financial details to her in the spirit of openness and in hopes that she understands my situation better; but even after this she still thinks i should pay for all of our outings.
- She seems to think she'll eventually be making more than me in the next few years, this has come up a few times where she said she would leave me if she did start to make more or that she couldn't be with a man that made less than her. Now, i wouldn't say i have a low paying job, i'm at the cusp of 100K/year so i would consider that fairly good for someone my age, but she seems to think that since i've been working longer than her i should be making more which is just nuts. Lastly, it's 2017 and i'm all for equal gender rights which shocks me with her views on this. As a man, I would be proud of my woman making the same or more than me as it shows that we together as society have progressed.
- recently there has been huge issues of respect with her. I find that the slightest things set her off, for example I asked a "stupid" question one time and that enraged her to the point where she started dropping f-bombs on me and actually stormed out of my place and took the bus home. Even then, i offered to take her home (which is hugely inconvenient as she's on the other end of the city) and she declined. She then proceed to berate me on text and said she could find someone better etc.
- She seems to think it's acceptable to call me an asshole, and that I only "deserved it" if she said it. I've told her many times that this behavior is beyond disrespectful and generally something you should NOT call someone like your b/f or loved one. She uses her age as an excuse and says that's how most mid 20's people talk. I know this is a load of crap as i have friends which are in the same age bracket that don't talk like this.
- The word asshole is also a little bit more significant as this is the same word she addresses her biological dad. Her dad wasn't really much of a dad to her in her child hood and so there are deep feelings of resentment and hate towards him which i do understand. For me, if she is so willing to call me an asshole means that she sees me as the same as her dad?
- She's also called me dumb/stupid many times, mostly in a joking manner, but it's still hurtful to be called that from someone that is with you. I've told her how i felt about this many times and she just says i'm being too sensitive or insecure.
- She thinks i treat her like a kid, and this i might be guilty of as most times her behavior are that of a child. She says she hates "being told what to do" but at the same time she's said that she wants to be told if she's doing something wrong or if there is something that's bothering me. It's very conflicting and every time i try to tell her something is up she thinks i'm either lecturing her or "being like her dad".
- issues of privacy and trust have come up. She likes to go through the pictures on my phone or use my phone for games. Now her phone isn't that old and it's just as capable but she uses this as an excuse to go on my phone. I have called her out on this many times and have told her i don't feel comfortable with her being on my phone but she'll use this excuse of me having something to hide due to my more colorful dating past than hers. I have nothing to hide but just found it weird that she would go on my phone. When the tables reversed and i ask her for her phone she would not give it to me.
At the end of the day i have tried talking to her constructively on all these issues and she has no feedback or comment. I suggested solutions such as couples counseling or to try and find ways we can better communicate with each other, all have been shot down. She hasn't ever really been in a "Adult" relationship as she graduated University just last year so the idea of a serious relationship to her is foreign at best. With all these facts i've presented i can't really think of a reason to hang on, and for that matter she doesn't even want to try. I've done my best as a man to care for her and i've sacrificed a lot of time and money in this relationship, but i feel like she's never given back to it, just only taking. Am i being unreasonable here?
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Originally Posted by Disoblige
