Should I dump my girl?

[Kloubek]

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Walk away from her. Unless she's a 12/10 and a superstar in bed, there's zero reason to put up with this bullshit.

Trust me. I had that. A chick who looked way out of my league and fucked like a whore. It should have been a 3 week relationship but it turned into 3 years. Ug.

Looks and sex only cover for so much.

As far as the OP is concerned - as you are aware, you already know the answer to your question. At 42 I can tell you that I've had my share of experiences in the past and there are no circumstances under which it makes sense to stick with a girlfriend you aren't happy with. This is the rest of your life you are talking about, and it gets a whole lot harder of a situation if you get her pregnant, etc.

[artieg30]

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Trust me. I had that. A chick who looked way out of my league and fucked like a whore. It should have been a 3 week relationship but it turned into 3 years. Ug.

Looks and sex only cover for so much.

As far as the OP is concerned - as you are aware, you already know the answer to your question. At 42 I can tell you that I've had my share of experiences in the past and there are no circumstances under which it makes sense to stick with a girlfriend you aren't happy with. This is the rest of your life you are talking about, and it gets a whole lot harder of a situation if you get her pregnant, etc.

I knew the answer before posting here, was just looking for the confirmation that i'm doing the right thing. Like I said previously, i stuck around longer than i should have in hopes that maybe i would be able to change her ways and get her to see her wrongs but i've also realized that's not on me and i'm not her keeper. I'm also the type of person to commit to something and make sure i've done everything possible in my power to make it work, and if not then i'm satisfied in calling it quits. In this case i let this go because of the differences we have with money, family, and respect. It's not to say that these issues couldn't be resolved, though it requires both sides to work on it, not just one person. I don't really feel any remorse for dropping her so this seems like it was the right choice for me!

[J-hop]

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Yeah. Finding someone with the same core values is key.

Little shit like cleaning up, toothpaste, toilet seats, stupid menial stuff can be partially trained (Habitually - Both sides). If the marriage lasts, with some happiness it's a success.

No woman is perfect, no couple is perfect. It just doesn't exist, people do fool themselves. Take the good with the bad, hopefully it's like 60/40 ratio lol.

Ultimately I've found it comes down to who was the boss in the house growing up. That's the kind of partner people migrate to.

Brings up a good point. Live with the person before you marry them. I don’t think you can truly know someone or know how you’re going to work through life challenges together until you live with them, pay bills together and don’t have the ability to turn your phone off and go sulk at home every time you have a fight.

The archaic idea that you shouldn’t live with someone before marriage is just opening you up to deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone you Don’t enjoy living with.

I know a couple or two who got caught up in the fairy tale story and are now obviously unhappy with each other.

[TomcoPDR]

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I knew the answer before posting here, was just looking for the confirmation that i'm doing the right thing. Like I said previously, i stuck around longer than i should have in hopes that maybe i would be able to change her ways and get her to see her wrongs but i've also realized that's not on me and i'm not her keeper. I'm also the type of person to commit to something and make sure i've done everything possible in my power to make it work, and if not then i'm satisfied in calling it quits. In this case i let this go because of the differences we have with money, family, and respect. It's not to say that these issues couldn't be resolved, though it requires both sides to work on it, not just one person. I don't really feel any remorse for dropping her so this seems like it was the right choice for me!

Amen. NDP. Next Dude/Dick’s Probelms

[rx7boi]

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Brings up a good point. Live with the person before you marry them. I don’t think you can truly know someone or know how you’re going to work through life challenges together until you live with them, pay bills together and don’t have the ability to turn your phone off and go sulk at home every time you have a fight.

The archaic idea that you shouldn’t live with someone before marriage is just opening you up to deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone you Don’t enjoy living with.

I know a couple or two who got caught up in the fairy tale story and are now obviously unhappy with each other.

I agree with this. My parents didn't particularly approve of me living with my now fiancee but you have to know how dynamics work once you're cohabitating. Things will start to come out and you can see if you'll be able to work past issues or not.

[botox]

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I agree with this. My parents didn't particularly approve of me living with my now fiancee but you have to know how dynamics work once you're cohabitating. Things will start to come out and you can see if you'll be able to work past issues or not.

Agreed 100%. Hanging out/dating vs living with someone is night and day. It's not even about couples, we had a cousin live with us for like 6 years who then rented a place with his best fried of about 10 years. Best friends, always having a blast going out and having fun, what could go wrong? After a few months he was regretting it and moved back with us after the lease ended saying the other guy was lazy and just had shitty habits all around, stuff you never think about or see while hanging out.

[Kloubek]

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I knew the answer before posting here, was just looking for the confirmation that i'm doing the right thing. Like I said previously, i stuck around longer than i should have in hopes that maybe i would be able to change her ways and get her to see her wrongs but i've also realized that's not on me and i'm not her keeper. I'm also the type of person to commit to something and make sure i've done everything possible in my power to make it work, and if not then i'm satisfied in calling it quits. In this case i let this go because of the differences we have with money, family, and respect. It's not to say that these issues couldn't be resolved, though it requires both sides to work on it, not just one person. I don't really feel any remorse for dropping her so this seems like it was the right choice for me!

Yeah - sometimes it just isn't meant to be and your guts were telling you that. It's always a bad idea trying to change someone or hope that they will change. Almost all the time they are who they are and you either have to live with that, or leave.

Good call.

[msommers]

You created this thread for a reason (confirmation) but honestly man you don't need any one elses' approval to be happy. So do what you know in your gut you're going to do anyways because it's for the better despite how hard it initially will be. If you're feeling this concerned, think about the weight that will be lifted when it's all over.

All couples fight to some degree but this kind of relationship sounds unacceptable. Like Darkane said earlier, no one is perfect, no couple or marriage is perfect and eventually the honeymoon phase (usually 2 years or so) wears off. Then it starts taking equal work and communication to make the relationship last. Think about what goes through her mind and honestly evaluate, are things even? Does she really care? Or the bigger question, why do you care? Is it nice being with someone and fear being single again? It sounds like things haven't been that great for some time now.

It may seem fairly elementary but when I have big decisions in my life, making a list helps me immensely because it requires me to really evaluate what to write down and then physically see those results, not just something swimming around in my head. So if I were in your shoes I'd make a pros and cons list about leaving her, just something I'd write down and throw away right after.

Good luck!

[lasimmon]

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I agree with this. My parents didn't particularly approve of me living with my now fiancee but you have to know how dynamics work once you're cohabitating. Things will start to come out and you can see if you'll be able to work past issues or not.

I currently live with my Fiance, getting married next year. My mom wasn't thrilled either.

The biggest thing for me is after you spend all that money on the wedding nothing will change after you get married... theoretically. If you already live together. If you don't and then you move in.. That is a huge change that can sink any relationship and you already are married. I didn't want to take that chance.

[asp integra]

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Brings up a good point. Live with the person before you marry them. I don’t think you can truly know someone or know how you’re going to work through life challenges together until you live with them, pay bills together and don’t have the ability to turn your phone off and go sulk at home every time you have a fight.

The archaic idea that you shouldn’t live with someone before marriage is just opening you up to deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone you Don’t enjoy living with.

I know a couple or two who got caught up in the fairy tale story and are now obviously unhappy with each other.

My Wife and I lived together for a few years before getting engaged and I think it was probably one of the best things we could have done. The idea of living together only once married is old and outdated. I would highly recommend living with the person prior to engagement/marriage!

[Seth1968]

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The idea of living together only once married is old and outdated.

And a recipe for disaster.

cough...religion again...cough

[JordanEG6]

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And a recipe for disaster.

cough...religion again...cough

This. It's just been passed down for so many years by crazy devout Christians and their religious beliefs. I think it came to a point in society where there is actually no merit to doing it this way other than being religious. It's stupid and obsolete.

People who still subscribe to this archaic 'tradition' need to wake up.

[Darell_n]

I lived with my wife for 11 years before getting married to start a family. Marriage changes nothing, really. Kids on the other hand.......

[asp integra]

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I lived with my wife for 11 years before getting married to start a family. Marriage changes nothing, really. Kids on the other hand.......

haha truth

[botox]

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This. It's just been passed down for so many years by crazy devout Christians and their religious beliefs. I think it came to a point in society where there is actually no merit to doing it this way other than being religious. It's stupid and obsolete.

People who still subscribe to this archaic 'tradition' need to wake up.

Not just Christians, Asians are big on that as well. Funny thing is that they are not fooling anyone and the kids will just fake it to please their parents/grandparents. I know of a few couples in the same scenario and it's not like you need to sleep over to bang Overnight trips with "just" the boys or girls...... House sitting for friends..... Moving out themselves with same sex roommates...... I know of some couples who bought a house together before they wed and parents would not let them sleep in the same room together. My wifes family was the same way but they were stuck in China when we got engaged then married so the traditional BS didn't really bother me.

[suntan]

Marriage costs money. Just best to use that money towards investments.

[rx7boi]

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I currently live with my Fiance, getting married next year. My mom wasn't thrilled either.

The biggest thing for me is after you spend all that money on the wedding nothing will change after you get married... theoretically. If you already live together. If you don't and then you move in.. That is a huge change that can sink any relationship and you already are married. I didn't want to take that chance.

Congrats on the engagement; we're getting married next year as well. I'll just add to this and admit that I took a HUGE risk. We didn't just move in together...we started out looking at rentals but ultimately bought a house together

That said, it was a calculated decision as we had already been dating for nearly 5 years when we bought the house so I was pretty certain she was the one.

Anyhow...I think it's time for OP to post some pics of his newly minted ex

[artieg30]

Yep, totally agree with you guys on living together before marriage, frankly i don't see it any other way! Haha, despite my feelings towards her i won't be a dick a and post pics, i still believe in karma coming back to bite me in the ass lol. That being said she's your basic mainlander chick, i'll leave the rest to your imaginations haha!

[TomcoPDR]

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That being said she's your basic mainlander chick, i'll leave the rest to your imaginations haha!

If ur white and still got yellow fever, I suggest just Sexpat (expat) for a few years in those Asia countries. Go teach Engrish or make up some import/export business of some sorts. Gives u a whole new perceptive white dude in Asia = make girls wet over there. (Source: observation). Grow a beard, learn how to say “hello, thank you, please” In your preference of yellow tones, boom instant piitb

[G-ZUS]

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If ur white and still got yellow fever, I suggest just Sexpat (expat) for a few years in those Asia countries. Go teach Engrish or make up some import/export business of some sorts. Gives u a whole new perceptive white dude in Asia = make girls wet over there. (Source: observation). Grow a beard, learn how to say “hello, thank you, please” In your preference of yellow tones, boom instant piitb

What about arabs? Do they like sand-colored meat?