Depression - how to kick it?

[schurchill39]

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4. Write down your positive and negative thoughts in a journal. Be thankful for the positives, even if they seem insignificant, and then correct the negative ones and write them down. Its really difficult for a gracious heart to exist with one that is anxious or depressed. It will seem hard at first because your circumstances are so bad, but recgonize that there is power in trying to re-orient your thinking to be more gracious.
4b) If your thoughts head towards the past or future, right them down, then correct them be recognizing that you can't control that right now.

10. What you've gone through can be used to help someone else facing something similar (even if its not right now in this moment).
11. Don't let any of your illnesses or negative circumstances take more from your life, then absolutely necessary. (Ex. When my stomach is knots, cramping, and feeling nauseous, at the very least I can let it prevent me from eating a meal and then I can get on with my day, or I can dwell on it and focus on how bad I feel, google solutions and how it will prevent me from all kinds of future accomplishments.

I can echo these particular points. Journaling was a massive help for me (I wrote letters to people that I never sent as opposed to a journal) because it helps get thoughts out of your mind onto the paper. Then once you're ready to let go of those thoughts its cathartic to rip them up.

Now that you are able to ask for help, or reach out like this on forums, keep that open dialogue throughout your recovery. Depression and anxiety make you feel ashamed, embarrassed, and alone. I talk so candidly about my own struggles (as are other beyonders) because it helps break the social stigma that you're struggling alone. I remember feeling so isolated and that no one knows what its like when in reality a lot of people do. You've started a conversation and when you flip over from the struggle to the recovery keep it going and do the same for others

Depression and anxiety are a beast and will try and control and effect every aspect of your life. By establishing a few small things each day you can control you will work up to pulling some of the things out of grasp of depression's control and start to control them yourself. "Mind over Mood" is a common term for his if you wanted to look into it any further, but I prefer "fake it till you make it".

[Rocket1k78]

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Andy, I have nothing to add, but I applaud you and everyone else in this thread who is suffering or has suffered from depression for speaking up and speaking freely about it.

I don't suffer from it so I don't know what any of you are going through, but on other forums I'm on it's brought up from time to time and the most common thing people have said is they found it difficult to talk about it even with loved ones because they felt embarrassed, ashamed, weak, or whatever when it couldn't be further from the truth.

Sorry i cant really help much either but im with D'z Nutz and applaud you and everyone who can openly admit and speak about this. It cant rain all the time!

[bleu]

Huge thank you for your bravery in posting this. I can bet there are people reading your thread who are being helped by and through your courage in coming forward.

I have always found keeping a journal to help me through tough times in my life. I still read through my entries from time to time and realize that despite every setback, heart ache, loss, change of direction in my life, there is always a light at the end of every tunnel.

Good luck to you. ��

[AndyL]

Getting used to it, at least here I don't have to repeat myself every fucking time. (It's getting annoying). Life's been an open book due to court shit for 2yrs now, getting used to everyone knowing my private life.

Hunting for therapist, waiting on rural mental health - Feb 21st is next date. Yay! In the meantime I've been using the free services, think EAP option comes up in a few weeks, should hit 3 months soon... I had a good therapist, but she runs 180/hr more than my budget allows.

Angers not usually an issue - but has been for the past few weeks. Situational stress? Dunno the October shitshow I dealt with a 7yr old cutting me with a knife, then having a 3 hour tantrum, and remained calm throughout until he injured my foot (was almost a week before I could walk properly on it) - even then I wrapped him in a blanket, got 5 minute break to compose myself and was good to go again (albeit CFS says that's abusive and traumatic... I was going to say I learned it during their CGO course, but that seemed like it would cause more issues)

Just reading along, having a hard time with reading these - attention just isn't there lately. Get stuck on a sentence, mind goes off into lala land. Been trying to read some stephen coonts books for fun - just not working...

I'll try printing this thread out and highlighting stuff, maybe that will be easier than a screen.

[Seth1968]

Now we're getting somewhere.

OP said the same that we all fundamentally think.

Except, when others point out that out, they're somehow the tin foil idiot people.

Anyway OP, run. Run for your life.

[Type_S1]

Hang in there. Life isn’t easy, a lot of people strufgglw with anger/depression and have their own personal struggles so it isn’t just you isolated feeling this way. Try to remember this as you are not broken, you are human and people deal with anger/depression differently and shows it in different ways.

Getting out of the mindset is a journey and like other have said start by setting attainable daily, weekly and monthly goals and working towards them everyday. I’m not sure of your work situation but it is very important you are not idle. If you are unemployed get a strong hobby to keep your mind busy and working.

Start exercising 4-5 days a week and work on your physical fitness. Seeing a change in your body and strength can sometimes help jumpstart your mind. It also gives you a sense of purpose and achievement once you start seeing results.

Start playing a recreational sport with people you don’t currently know. There are lots of leagues you can join with strangers for all kinds of sports. Sometimes fresh faces who don’t know your struggles allow you to set your mind free for a couple hours a week and focus on an activity and making new friends.

Start reading books. Not Harry Potter type of books, motivational life skills type of books. Some of them are cheesy but definitely give perspective. “How to make friends and influence people”, “the alchemist”, “the 2X laws of power”, “make your bed every day”, etc. Are a few recommendations that could really help change perspective.

This may be more unrealistic with a kid & finances but taking an extended vacation someone (SE Asia, camping road trip, etc.) could help hit the reset button for you.

[bourge73]

So much great advice on here. Here I thought 2016 was bad and 2017 blew the fuck out of that ...
I am right there with you but if you ever want some free advice I have it via pm or text or whatever. First step is reaching out
then comes the work. Exercise, eating healthy as absolute musts but ensuring you are on the right meds is crucial as well ttyl

[speedog]

Had a longer post ready to put up but thought the better thing to do would not to do such as I do have family that also participates in this forum. Never the less, depression has been an ongoing battle in our family for years, the family history on my wife's side would boggle many people.

Anyhow, play of good advice in this thread already - mine and my family's issues/story won't necessarily add anything more to the pile but do get help where ever you can, be healthy and eliminate the stressors if at all possible. Good luck Andy.

[Darkane]

I don’t have much to add. One of my employees is seriously suffering right now.

Chew gum. Scientifically proven to lower cortisol and increase cognitivety.

[AndyL]

I hate gum, but yeah I'll give it a whirl - no harm.

Things got better and worse this weekend. Some stress over custody shit went away, but the fallout as a result. Fml.

Was talking about it with a neighbour last night. Realized the apprentice likely is developing an attachment issue, been freaking out all night, gitters, want to fight, tight chest, feel like I can't breathe, guess this is a panic attack?

Lovely. So tired of being so off. Don't even trust my judgement anymore. Unreal.

[Kloubek]

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been freaking out all night, gitters, want to fight, tight chest, feel like I can't breathe, guess this is a panic attack?

Yup - sounds like it.

I don't have much to add Andy but I'll give it a shot. I also haven't been too secretive on here about the fact I've dealt with issues myself - and continue to do so. For me, it has been a lifelong struggle since my early teens, and though I've had my ups and downs my depression has never gone away completely over the past 3 decades. So while I may not be going through the same situations as you, believe me when I tell you I totally understand how you're feeling.

The only thing I'm going to say is an extension of what everyone who doesn't understand mental illness says: "Things will get better". Try to think about times when things WERE better and calmer. Don't dwell on those times (as that will make you feel worse), but remember that it can and will get better, and that you can feel "normal" again once you work through what you're dealing with right now. I've found that the greatest pitfall to depression recovery is to feel like this is just the "way it is" and forgetting that it's more a culmination of crap you've been dealing with over time that has lead you to this point. I also sense from your writings that you have a "me vs them" mentality - which is understandable all things considered but try not to focus on it. At the end of the day, "they" are all part of the issues you are currently dealing with and "they" will go away at some point down the road. This isn't forever.

Good luck. I'm always available to chat.

[austic]

For me I found meds really helped. Got in with a doctor who came up with a great treatment plan (that part was important to me) we tried a few things including seeing a therapist and eventually I am 14 months major symptom free. I used to suffer from panic/anxiety attacks quite regularly terrifying as you think you are having a heart attack.

[HuMz]

Many Psychologists also offer a sliding pay scale based on your income, if thst helps.

[msommers]

Moreover, I completely didn't even realize what time of year this was all happening. In addition to the feedback you've gotten here, which is really, really solid and worth trying a few things that appeal to you, start taking some vitamin D. A lot of people are VitD deficient anyways but during winter it's worse. Get high-concentration liquid caps, 5,000 IU and take two daily.

Despite all the shit that you're going through, really try to establish a routine, the sooner the better.

[Kloubek]

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Moreover, I completely didn't even realize what time of year this was all happening. In addition to the feedback you've gotten here, which is really, really solid and worth trying a few things that appeal to you, start taking some vitamin D. A lot of people are VitD deficient anyways but during winter it's worse. Get high-concentration liquid caps, 5,000 IU and take two daily.

Good call.

[AndyL]

I take vitamin d already, and I'm all about routine day in day out. That doesn't change (though when I posted I did have extra time due to apprentice not being here every day)

[ercchry]

You are dealing with stuff that I have zero experience with, so I can’t comment on much

But it sounds like stress is getting the better of you (violent outbursts, etc)

Stress is something I do understand, and for me I can’t really put a finger on the turning point... but what I can say is “not giving a fuck” is a powerful tool. If something is out of your control, then don’t try and control it, you can’t make others do things they don’t want to do. Nor control the actions they make, if it is something in your control then just do it, if not... fuck worrying, let someone else worry about their issues. I rarely get upset about anything anymore, just let people steer their own ships into the ground and focus on #1

[Gman.45]

Routine, and running. R squared. These 2 things will help you immeasurably IMO. Start with a simple table as some have posted, and be disciplined about using it daily. Have daily check boxes for each planned activity.

Running is a fanastic exercise, one of those "medium" intensity ones that won't rile you up, but will in fact have a more calming effect, especially at the end of your run, once the body releases all the natural goodies into your system and bloodstream. Even short runs if you aren't a "runner", will pay off big time in my personal experience.

Regarding meds - i've seen the right ones have a miraculous effect, don't believe the media/Hollywood/etc hype that they are all BS, they aren't, and can in fact have a very positive effect once the right ones are dialed in. I have an uncle that once put on the right dose of lithium went from a situation probably a bit worse than what you're describing Andy (not that it isn't very serious), to living a completely normal life again, and that's been ongoing now for over a decade with not one emergency intervention/hospital stay or whatever.

I like you attitude Andy, and you've fallen to the realization that the system is far from perfect, and that it's on YOU as much as "them" to rectify your situation, and deal with your problems and issues. The system does have a lot of great people, and there is much help to be had, but it's like panning for gold a bit - you have to put in some time searching to find the nuggets that will payoff for you. Don't give up, just keep grinding, and every time you run into something ridiculous in the "system", remind yourself that it's in its nature for it to be stupid sometimes, and despite this the right person and help is in there somewhere for you.

Life can be unfair. The medical system can really put that under a microscope. My mother was in the hospital in early September, after 2 weeks I was told she wasn't an "acute" case, and had to leave and go home. I held her hand as she died 4 weeks later at my home, having died from kidney failure which they didn't even detect despite all the tests they ran, and that was after a month of incompetent home care nurse visits which is an entirely different story. So, I can understand frustration and anger with the system, but in the end, you have to be responsible for yourself, and be your own best advocate despite how incompetent the medical system can seem sometimes.

Take all the offers of shoulders to lean on here, keep in contact with your friends and family so long as it helps, and remember that you aren't alone in this, and that people care about you and the outcome of every single day you keep checking in.

[scboss]

I battled massive depression in 2016 because of 4 things

1. A vein broke in my leg and I had to get surgery to remove it from the groin to my foot (Im a personal trainer and this pretty much f**ked all my gains in the last 5 years)
2. Came back from surgery and ended up injuring my lower back because of imbalances my surgery caused
3. Relationship of 9 years ended
4. Had to sell our condo (thank god for prenup) but had to rent again

I was literally at the lowest part of my life. I considered quitting my job, moving cities and to be honest nothing seemed to be going the way I planned.

But I then realized it all happened for a reason when I made the best decision of my life. I took a life coaching course. I know its gonna sound dumb but it helped me put alot of things into perspective. Between setting goals and realizing what my triggers were it changed everything. Alot of my problems came from self sabotage in terms of stories (my perception) vs the truth or in other words what I feel vs who I actually was.
Understanding why you do certain things and why certain situations make you feel a certain way is the key to moving past everything.

The other main thing that really improved my mindset and quality of life was self care. I was given a list of things that you need in your life to be happy
1. Professionalism
2. Private time
3. Workouts
4. Teamwork
5. Organization
6. Education
7. Leisure time
8. Good People
9. Goals
10. Sleep
11. Vacation
12. Recovery
13. Meditation
14. Good Nutrition

If you have 4 or less you need to make improvements in what you do day to day! I scored a 3 before (good people/exercise/leisure time) but now I am between a 7 and a 8.
Fast forward to now and I am stronger then I was before, dating a girl that actually makes me happy and in the process of buying a new place. Time heals everything if your actively trying to make yourself the person you want to be.

The thing with depression is if you have 2 problems and 95 things going right you will notice everything going wrong. Just know that you are never alone and that you can always move forward! Small steps go a long way hope this helps!

[Ben]

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snip

Wow. Post of the decade dude. Thank you for sharing.

Excellent excellent writeup encompassing many of the issues that some of us experience. Some more than others.

As someone who has good days and bad days with the dull pain of horrific scenes and traumatizing experiences and is just expected to shrug them off this post was exceptionally accurate. Things that grind away at the bedrock of your life's piller, preventing you from relaxing, resting, enjoying.

AndyL, been where you are on a few of those points most of them caused by work etc. It's so incredibly hard some days to even get up.

Sure. It's easier to talk about These types of things now than say 5 or 10 years ago... less taboo, more accepted, but getting the help, accurately identifying your needs instead of the blanket or generalization that most doctors or therapists use (if he says these things he needs this treatment type shit) and still overcoming that stigma is exceptionally difficult. What's normal these days. Who decides what's normal. What I think is not normal to see others may just figure yeah well that's life suck it up. Maybe that's why a lot of our forefathers died of heart attacks and strokes or were roving drunkards most of the time.

It's so frustrating to want to put feelings into words without sounding like a crazy person but some people just don't get it. That and I myself find it exceptionally difficult to tell my problems, real life problems, problems that some folk just don't understand or comprehend to a fresh out of school 24 year old millennial that cannot remotely understand what it's like to live through the things people have seen, and watch them scrape for words in their iPad on how to diagnose or understand my issues, your issues, real world issues not classroom scenarios and textbook issues. Just to have to repeat the whole story over and over again to a new person every time. Yes I'm generalizing here, I'm positive that there are some outstanding new graduates out there, but few and far between and the "after incident" EAP folk I typically speak with are for the most part completely lacking in the life experience department just due to simple reality that a lot havent been out there to experience it yet on a grand scale, they're young and inexperienced and it's not their fault at all, and they will be great in time or are great with different issues but not great for mine and its detrimental to the clients success. They send you home with some basic textbook self help excersizes and call If you need anything here's a list of people to call.... If you want the good stuff, the seasoned professionals they are typically not covered by any insurance or company plan, and it quickly becomes cost prohibitive at 200+ bucks an hour. Or you get a few sessions covered and then you've hit your plan max. It's a vicious circle. You want help but cant get it can't afford it, can't get help from it, so you backpack all those emotions and issues til that backpack is so heavy you lose control and collapse. There's a good CBT in Sundre... but not covered by my plan... find the funds. Your life matters.

You have a good run, a few days, weeks, months but the problems are just under the surface, never fully addressed and when the next collapse comes it's even worse than the last. Days of not getting out of bed turn into several days, a week, more. Friends forget what you look like, stuff compounds further, you hate the way things are going but are too overwhelmed to fight it at this point. It's like going into stage 3 hypothermia, where your so fucking broken you've stopped shivering and are just dead inside not knowing whether to laugh or cry at your life and what is the least difficult way to end it.

To the people in your life that don't understand it, they offer solutions. To them they may not understand why you're so down and that their answer is logical and the solution to your problems so why don't you just do it. But it's not that easy. This unintentional ignorance only frustrates you and isolates you further, creates resentment, causes you to further distance yourself. It's not so simple!

I know you AndyL know these things, but for others it may help give a new perspective. I always thought I was emotionally unbreakable. And to my friends and family they may see it that way when I can look at and experience things that are unimaginable and seem on the surface that I'm just completely cold to the world and unphased...when inside it's beaten me up and torn almost all of my care, compassion, heart and humility away from me. Im not broken, I'm shattered. I had to get help, and through a combination of bits and pieces of the advice given by HuMz, GMan45, Kloubek, warcaster, schurchill39, Kobe, msommers, and tonytiger55 and others I'm sure I missed but those in particular had excellent advice that helped me out in part or as a whole. These thongs were tools I had to learn through trial and error and were effective, far more effective than medocation.

I have good and bad days, more good than bad, but when you think that tunnel can't end, you can come out the other side repairing bit by bit each day. It's not overnight, but with the help of good positive people around you and a game plan you will. If you need anything let me know.