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Thread: Do you care for a senior or have put them in a home?

  1. #1
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    Default Do you care for a senior or have put them in a home?

    This was my original thread https://forums.beyond.ca/threads/407...Driving-Ticket

    I found out my mother in law had a brain injury as a result of falling over about 2 months ago and now that we have been in the hospital we are unsure what to do with her because before this accident she was planning to get a condo in Edmonton and we were supportive of that. Now we are unsure that she should even be living alone as the type of injury she had was a subdural hematoma where it is possible for reoccurence and also it is possible to have seizures afterwards.

    Our options at this point seem to be

    A) force her to move to calgary where she has no family or friends except us, or
    B) we sell our house and move to edmonton where my wife would have to find a new job, and she still lives with us

    Now my wife' family culture is cantonese and many of you are probably also cantonese, do you one day think your inlaws/parents will be moving in with you when they are too old/or cant in my case live by themselves?

    I looked into AHS lodges and supportive living and it seems like waiting lists and also criteria will take a long time to get into one of them.

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    My dad is in his early 60's and he's looking forward to living in something like this

    http://cloverliving.ca/

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    Quote Originally Posted by jwslam View Post
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    My dad is in his early 60's and he's looking forward to living in something like this

    http://cloverliving.ca/
    I looked up that but it seems hard to determine how much it costs there.

    Also regarding chinese specific supportive living seems like theres only a couple of options in calgary.

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    I've heard ads for this on the radio over and over, i'm sure it isn't the cheapest in Calgary but it is an option....

    http://www.westmanvillage.com/homes/...BoCvR8QAvD_BwE

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    Caring for someone with any sort of brain disorder/injury (ie. Dementia, Alzheimers etc) is a full time job upon itself, and can be extremely stressful. If you/she has the means, I would recommend a full time home, even compared to a full time nurse. Ive had 4 Grand Parents with one or the other and full time care home is the only option.
    Long story short, Grandpa had a sever brain injury from a car accident.. Grandma kept him at home with a full time nurse and it was so hard on her that she developed early Alzheimers/dementia and ended up way worse that he was in a short amount of time.

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    I think her mental state now is actually pretty good. We just dont think she should be living alone at 66 anymore especially since my father in law passed last year. Ie if she passed out or had a seizure or something while at her home - noone would know about it for days.

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    So your reasoning is it's not that she can't take care of herself, but that she might have another bleed at some point?

    If so, 66 isn't that old. Have you looked into Lifeline or something similar?

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    My dad has Alzheimer's, he had to go into a care home last year at 71 because it was too much for my mom to deal with. His mother was independent at an retirement apartment complex into her 90's... for you, I'd look into that if the wait lists aren't too long. If she isn't too bad functionally, look into getting a home care worker to check in daily.

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    I'm assuming no other relatives in Edmonton want to help out, if that is the case, Option A and either full time care giver or put her on the waiting list for a seniors home. I'm canto and Asians do not like seniors homes but I would highly recommend it. My wife's grandma who had Alzheimer's/dementia and needed a walker was passed around to all her sons/daughters to the point where nobody wanted to take care of her anymore cause she was such a burden on them. They finally gave in and put her in a home when she should of been put in one many years ago and she passed away about a year later.

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    My aunt at age 65 went in for brain surgery not too long ago (Feb), she had a stroke caused by a mass on her brain as large as an orange caused from a slow bleed that went undetected. Probably looking back now, it also explained some of her actions over time.
    She needed care in the beginning and she has to remember to take her anti seizure meds but other than that she bounced back surprisingly well and moved to the UK a month ago and is living independently.

    I guess it really depends on a case by case basis.

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    Quote Originally Posted by botox View Post
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    I'm assuming no other relatives in Edmonton want to help out, if that is the case, Option A and either full time care giver or put her on the waiting list for a seniors home. I'm canto and Asians do not like seniors homes but I would highly recommend it. My wife's grandma who had Alzheimer's/dementia and needed a walker was passed around to all her sons/daughters to the point where nobody wanted to take care of her anymore cause she was such a burden on them. They finally gave in and put her in a home when she should of been put in one many years ago and she passed away about a year later.
    There is but I guess since we make more money we are seen as the ones to be responsible.

    She has a son but he’s a millennial and doesn’t really want to deal with it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jwslam View Post
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    My dad is in his early 60's and he's looking forward to living in something like this

    http://cloverliving.ca/
    55+?

    Fuck I am most definitely not ready for that yet.

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    Quote Originally Posted by speedog View Post
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    55+?

    Fuck I am most definitely not ready for that yet.
    Some people are 55 going on 40, and have many things and interests to keep them going .... but most people quit on life towards the 50s and 60s where they just sit on the couch with a remote.

    I wont be one of them.

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    Health is everything. Good luck.

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    If the mom-in-law has a severe condition (alzheimers or related), a home is the only way to go; it's just too much work and too specialized for "normal" people to take care of on a day to day basis.

    If the condition isn't too bad (they're still reasonably independent but just slower in movement or to process things), I personally would consider having them live with us but I wouldn't move to Edmonton. It would be the compromise I would make that she can live with us but we stay in YYC. I don't know, for me, I think I would want to stay engaged in their medical condition and treatment. Maybe it's me not knowing senior homes very well or at all but I tend to believe it's probably more minimalistic and wouldn't take them to alternative treatments in addition to whatever they're prescribed.

    Tough route either way....good luck.

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    You need to consider the future and how quickly her needs may change. My mom moved in with us after my father passed away. At first it was great: she was able to help with housework, babysit, and we got to show her Calgary. However we noticed her memory was fading. Fast forward a couple months and she is diagnosed with early stage dementia. Thankfully that is progressing slowly, but in the past year she has fallen numerous times, had 2 TIA's, double pneumonia and Influenza B . Having her here is like having another child. (For instance if we want to go away overnight I have to arrange for someone to check on her in case she falls while home alone.)On the plus side while she was hospitalized after the first fall we were connected with home help. She has a nurse come in twice a week to bathe her, she has a walker and other mobility aides, and daycare once a week, all provided free of charge to her. It is damn stressful though. It takes a toll on you. If I am honest I think having mom live with me has more negatives than positives emotionally. Be sure of your decision and be honest with yourself about what is best for you and your wife.
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    You didnt have an option to have her placed with some other relatives whereever she lived before?

    We really want to keep her in Edmonton because thats where she has the most family I agree moving to edmonton for us would be very drastic and I dont think we want to take that step if possible. Luckily she has a govt pension and cpp/oas/gis, some rrsp and soon a sold house so enough assets to place her in a home if that came to it. I think we initially thought that she would be pretty good after the hospital but having her back in her home has shown my wife that there was probably some permanent brain damage done especially regarding short term memory loss. We are bringing her down to Calgary for a few weeks to assess her and get her seen by a decent family doctor but the long term plan is to find some housing for her permanently in Edmonton.

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    Have you talked to her about it?

    What does she want to do?

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    Quote Originally Posted by revelations View Post
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    Some people are 55 going on 40, and have many things and interests to keep them going .... but most people quit on life towards the 50s and 60s where they just sit on the couch with a remote.

    I wont be one of them.
    Hell no, we'll have VR by then. Maybe even bordering on full immersion Matrix style.

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