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Thread: Advice for a soon-to-be father

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    Default Advice for a soon-to-be father

    I know a bunch of you have taken the right of passage into fatherhood over the last few years and I thought it'd be fun to see if anyone has any tips for surviving the first few months. Our little one is due end of July.

    Tips? Things you wished you had? Things you didn't need?
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    Congrats. Ours is two months old this week.

    IIRC you sell baby stuff, so maybe you've heard this already... but if you don't already, get a mamaroo. We don't put her in it all day, but if we both have to do something at the same time for a few mins while she's awake, it keeps her quite happy.

    My wife has been doing all the feeding and stuff, so from my point of view this has been really easy haha. Much easier than people make it out to be. Goes without saying, but just do whatever you can to make your wife's life easier. As a dad you're kinda useless for the first little bit, so make dinners, change diapers, etc whenever you can.

    Have fun!

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    3 months...the first three months are the hardest for the infant stuff. So consider that a finish line to help you get through any tough nights.

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    Quote Originally Posted by cjblair View Post
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    IIRC you sell baby stuff
    Was going to say, of any of us, cycosis must be the most prepared!

    First few months is easy. Baby doesn't do anything other than eat sleep and shit. Make sure mom gets lots of rest, baby DGAF if you're watching movie, sports or whatever. If anything, I've always had more TV time the first few months.

    edit - forgot about sleep stuff, yea we've been lucky with our kids sleeping. At least I think we've been lucky, as we're both deep sleepers.
    Originally posted by SEANBANERJEE
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    Most of it is self learning as you go. There is no handbook. You’ll be fine. Just help mom out for the first 6 months. Your role will get more intense after then. That baby is strapped to mom during this time.

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    I was gonna ask. Lots of my friends are in the baby stage with newborns to toddlers. I still don't quite comprehend what the hell you do with a baby aside from cleaning and feeding. Perhaps thats it?

    Can't wrap my head around how the day-to-day is going to shift.

    As Rage said, I have all the baby gear in the world from my previous job and were in classes atm. Gear does not translate to care though.
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    Quote Originally Posted by rage2 View Post
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    Was going to say, of any of us, cycosis must be the most prepared!

    First few months is easy. Baby doesn't do anything other than eat sleep and shit. Make sure mom gets lots of rest, baby DGAF if you're watching movie, sports or whatever. If anything, I've always had more TV time the first few months.

    edit - forgot about sleep stuff, yea we've been lucky with our kids sleeping. At least I think we've been lucky, as we're both deep sleepers.
    Congrats!

    I agree with Rage2.
    For my husband and I, the first few months were the easiest. Our daughter was sleeping through the night at 2.5 months...now, that she is teething, she has been waking more in the night.

    My husband helped me out a ton by changing diapers and bringing baby to me in the night for nursing when she was a newborn. In the mornings, while he is getting ready for work, he brings her downstairs so that I can get another hour sleep...it is so appreciated.

    If baby can get used to a breast and bottle anyone can help with feeding if mom is pumping. I found that helped a ton too as the responsibility is shared. Momís life will literally revolve around nursing, pumping and ensuring enough milk is available for the little one.

    Enjoy every minute, my daughter just turned 5 months and I have no idea where the time went.

    Oooh...and poop explosions are no joke. ��
    Last edited by bleu; 06-26-2018 at 08:10 AM.

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    A lot men don't really bond with babies, so if that's you, don't freak out. For me, and many guys, that comes later when the kid has some more personality.

    My best advice is to watch yourself and your wife for signs of postpartum depression, which is incredibly common, and can be serious. http://www.familiesmatter.ca has resources to assist both of you.

    Biggest thing the dad can do during the early months is to just give the wife a break. If you can confidently handle the kid for three hours, she can get a nap, a coffee or a walk, and that's huge.

    Another thing is to run interference with any family or friends that are being too demanding of mom.

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    Good luck, your gonna need a bit of it haha. My little guy turns 3 in august and time flies by so damn quickly!

    Having the baby - pick a good hospital, we had a bitch of a time up at foothills. would not recommend. i had to learn not only how to put a car seat in, but beyond that figuring out how to put my damn kid in the car seat was a task in itself lol.

    First couple days of being home are going to be hectic, you realize how unprepared a person is for a baby, even though you spend months and months preparing. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TELL FAMILY/FRIENDS TO FUCK OFF AND LEAVE YOU ALONE IF YOU NEED TO.
    trying to show off your new baby to the whole family not only gets old, being in the sleep deprived state you'll be in means frustration comes easily.

    one of the biggest helps we had is a friend had made up a bunch of easy meals to throw into the oven when we got home and not have to worry about food. cooking is the last thing on your mind.

    other than that every couple of months as your kid grows and starts to become mobile you will have to re-organize your house putting dangerous stuff up higher/away from the baby.

    my better half couldn't do breast feeding, the milk was causing acid reflux in our kid. so at 2 months he switched to formula, what an amazing difference for mom being able to sleep through the night and actually rest.

    do not skimp out on a stroller, we did and my back and i regret it. lol.

    honestly it's wonderful to have a couple of friends on speed dial to be able to ask any question (no matter how fucked up the question may be lol) about parenting/feeding/diapers/rashes/mood swings whatever. lol.

    any other questions don't be afraid to ask.

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    All really great tips. Im very much looking forward to it. I designed and had the whole nursery completed at month 5. Im probably the only guy here who told his wife which breast pump to get

    Swing: Nuna Leaf
    Stroller/Carsear: UPPAbaby Vista/Mesa

    We have 3 weeks of slow cooker meals prepped and frozen so all we have to do in the morning is pull it from the freezer and in the cooker it goes. Dont think it can get simpler than that.

    Her parents will be flying in for the first 3 weeks to be on call if help is needed but they also know I may not open the door if wifey wants to be left alone.
    Last edited by cycosis; 06-26-2018 at 08:23 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExtraSlow View Post
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    A lot men don't really bond with babies, so if that's you, don't freak out. For me, and many guys, that comes later when the kid has some more personality.

    My best advice is to watch yourself and your wife for signs of postpartum depression, which is incredibly common, and can be serious. http://www.familiesmatter.ca has resources to assist both of you.
    Those are both really important points. Don't feel like there's something wrong with you if your kid pops out and you don't instantly connect on some fundamental level.

    PPD is way more common than you think, yet it's uncommon to hear it talked about, like a lot of mental health stuff. Don't just shrug off that kind of thing, and get professional help if you need it.

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    Congrats.
    All I can say is nothing will prep you because it is unique.
    Enjoy it there is nothing in life gives you more joy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ExtraSlow View Post
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    My best advice is to watch yourself and your wife for signs of postpartum depression, which is incredibly common, and can be serious. http://www.familiesmatter.ca has resources to assist both of you.

    Biggest thing the dad can do during the early months is to just give the wife a break. If you can confidently handle the kid for three hours, she can get a nap, a coffee or a walk, and that's huge.

    Another thing is to run interference with any family or friends that are being too demanding of mom.
    Also, don’t forget that even though you have just assumed the most amazing role as “dad,” you are also still a “husband.” Make time for your relationship. I absolutely love the bits of time where it is just us. Whether it be a back rub in the morning, having my mom watch baby for a couple hours, once in awhile, so that we can go to a restaurant or sitting on the deck and eating a bowl of ice cream together in the evening.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ExtraSlow View Post
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    A lot men don't really bond with babies, so if that's you, don't freak out. For me, and many guys, that comes later when the kid has some more personality.

    My best advice is to watch yourself and your wife for signs of postpartum depression, which is incredibly common, and can be serious. http://www.familiesmatter.ca has resources to assist both of you.

    Biggest thing the dad can do during the early months is to just give the wife a break. If you can confidently handle the kid for three hours, she can get a nap, a coffee or a walk, and that's huge.

    Another thing is to run interference with any family or friends that are being too demanding of mom.
    All of this. Especially that first point.

    Honestly, for the first few months I thought having a kid was the worst decision in my life. He had colic and life was a living nightmare day in, day out. I didn't bond with him whatsoever and I felt I was the worst father on the planet because of it, and my relationship with my wife got super strained as well. Eventually, the kid becomes the #1 highlight of your life.

    Lots of great advice in this thread. I like Bleu's point about making time for just you and your lady in the relationship, and utilize family to help take care of the kid of you can. Savour the moments it can be just the two of you to help maintain the individual relationship between the two of you. Remember that her hormones are all over the board, so treat her accordingly if you know what's good for you and your relationship.
    Last edited by Kloubek; 06-26-2018 at 08:42 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by cycosis View Post
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    All really great tips. Im very much looking forward to it. I designed and had the whole nursery completed at month 5. Im probably the only guy here who told his wife which breast pump to get

    Swing: Nuna Leaf
    Stroller/Carsear: UPPAbaby Vista/Mesa

    We have 3 weeks of slow cooker meals prepped and frozen so all we have to do in the morning is pull it from the freezer and in the cooker it goes. Dont think it can get simpler than that.

    Her parents will be flying in for the first 3 weeks to be on call if help is needed but they also know I may not open the door if wifey wants to be left alone.
    Sounds like you're in good shape.

    RE: Stroller, what made you decide on the uppababy vista? We have a Nuna Mixx2, my wife liked it since it was a little smaller, but I'm kind of regretting not getting the uppababy now.

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    IMO dealing with the actual baby is easy, the difficult part is your wife's post partum emotions (takes months for hormones to normalize), and an extreme lack of sleep which makes emotions even more difficult to control (for both of you). Support your wife as much as possible, and get up as much as possible to tend the baby. Even if your wife breastfeeds, still get up with both of them, at least for a few minutes.

    We were together for 12 years before we had ours, and it was the most strain ever on our relationship. Totally made me understand why so many young married couples divorce after having kids. I can't even imagine doing it when someone is only 20'ish.

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    Quote Originally Posted by cjblair View Post
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    Sounds like you're in good shape.

    RE: Stroller, what made you decide on the uppababy vista? We have a Nuna Mixx2, my wife liked it since it was a little smaller, but I'm kind of regretting not getting the uppababy now.
    We wanted to have the bassinet as we are having a summer baby and were gonna try babe in our room for the first few months. Granted, our room could fit a full size crib no problem though but I got it at cost so yea.... I doubt well have another one so close to make use of the 2nd seat option.

    Nuna Mixx 2 is a good stroller. Was one of our top sellers when I worked at the store. Great for urban applications and folds down super small for a full sized stroller. It was more that we wanted to Mesa car seat as it has the side impact head support and its not huge for depth profile. The Nuna Pipa infant car seat is fucking massive and im 6'5" so that was not going to work.
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    I fully agree with the hormones and depression comments. As men we think that if we help with feeds and diapers we are doing a good job and the wife should be happy. After the first I learned that its not about doing the chores and making sure everything is taken care of. They appreciate that but its the emotional connection they want/miss. Ask how they are doing often, tell them they are doing a great job etc. Making time just for the 2 of you to talk will feel like the last thing you need/want to do but the more you do it the better. Let the lawn get long and talk to your wife haha. Get her out with friends doing things she used to like doing even if she says no, this will help her feeling like herself again faster.
    Babies are easy. Feed, sleep, change on a 3-5 hour cycle and watch Tv.


    You will be tired and the days seem long but 3 - 6 months really does go by fast.
    Last edited by Rarasaurus; 06-26-2018 at 09:38 AM.

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    Also important, don’t forget the baby wrist shot.

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    Originally posted by SEANBANERJEE
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    Holy shit LOL

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