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Thread: Should couples have joint or separate bank accounts?

  1. #121
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    Just out-earn your spending and #yolo!
    Quote Originally Posted by killramos View Post
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    You realize you are talking to the guy who made his own furniture out of salad bowls right?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Swank View Post
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    For those of you looking after the majority of the household expenses/bills are you worried how all of this would responsibility transition to your SO if you drop dead tomorrow? I'm not sure how long getting life insurance and will/estate payouts take but those bills still need to be paid. And it's not just about having the money to pay them, it's knowing all the companies and account numbers. Fortunately a lot if not all of your banking/bills/transfers can be automated but I suspect everyone does some stuff manually which could leave your widow in a real bind.
    Everyone should have the accounts/passwords and at least general info of all family money/investments safely stored somewhere. Keep it in a safety deposit box or some other similarly safe physical/digital storage method. This is a very common problem when people pass away unexpectedly and can be a major headache if you don't have the info.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mitsu3000gt View Post
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    Everyone should have the accounts/passwords and at least general info of all family money/investments safely stored somewhere. Keep it in a safety deposit box or some other similarly safe physical/digital storage method. This is a very common problem when people pass away unexpectedly and can be a major headache if you don't have the info.
    But if you have separate accounts you don't trust each other so why would you share that???

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    Quote Originally Posted by ExtraSlow View Post
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    Just out-earn your spending and #yolo!
    Honestly, that would be a solution to all of this one account, many accounts conundrum.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lasimmon View Post
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    But if you have separate accounts you don't trust each other so why would you share that???


    I know you're joking but I am genuinely surprised how many people in this thread appear to associate different financial preferences (that both people are happy with) with complete distrust and a strange marriage.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mitsu3000gt View Post
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    I know you're joking but I am genuinely surprised how many people in this thread appear to associate different financial preferences (that both people are happy with) with complete distrust and a strange marriage.
    Why does that surprise you?

    That's the reason people repeatedly give for doing it right here in the thread.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Misterman View Post
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    Sure lets just pretend I said that.

    It's cool that you don't value money, but it's not that way for everyone. Screwing with finances is a pretty major violation of trust............................just like infidelity. The difference is, a person can stop cheating and that's the end of it. A person can stop screwing with finances and it's not over. You could be digging your way out of a hole for years to come.
    Well a person can sometimes NOT stop cheating. This may due to a sex addiction and or its their way of wanting out of a relationship that they don't know how to get out of...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buster View Post
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    Why does that surprise you?

    That's the reason people repeatedly give for doing it right here in the thread.
    Who has said they don't trust their spouse and on top of that thinks they're in a weird marriage because of the (seemingly quite popular) 3 account system? If I missed it I apologize.

    The general theme in this thread just seems to be that if you don't have joint accounts, there is some sort of problem with your marriage despite it working perfectly for X number of years. If it's working for both people who cares what the system is?
    Last edited by Mitsu3000gt; 08-13-2019 at 03:20 PM.

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    People who are in relationships or marriages still enjoy the feeling of still being themselves and doing what they want, when they want, how they want. The so-called financial autonomy mirage despite legal ramifications.

    I can see the appeal of not having to run a $2000 set of rims by your partner but the question is why shouldn't a couple talk about a purchase like that to begin with, or any purchase(s) for that matter. People don't like having to justify themselves and we all have emotional ties to what we earn so for some it's easier not to bother talking about it.

    Like it's been said before, people who build goals together are rewarded together but I'm sure you can probably get there using another strategy too.

    Anyway, it's been a great thread. Not here to cast judgement on anyone cause at the end of the day I couldn't care less about how you all handle your finances

    Quote Originally Posted by ExtraSlow View Post
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    Just out-earn your spending and #yolo!
    Bruhhh technically that's how it's supposed to be done in the first place! Pls change username to ExtraObvious

  10. #130
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mitsu3000gt View Post
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    Who has said they don't trust their spouse and on top of that thinks they're in a weird marriage because of the (seemingly quite popular) 3 account system? If I missed it I apologize.

    The general theme in this thread just seems to be that if you don't have joint accounts, there is some sort of problem with your marriage despite it working perfectly for X number of years. If it's working for both people who cares what the system is?
    I never said anything about marital problems, or it being weird.

    As for the trust thing - it's basically the only reason mentioned through the "separated finances" group here.

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    There's another way to look at the 3-account system. When you set it up, you are being upfront and honest about WHY you want that separate account. My wife knows when i go out with the boys, whether it's calgary or Vegas, that I'll use that account. There's rules that govern my behavior, but not any on my spending as long as I use that account.
    Quote Originally Posted by killramos View Post
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    You realize you are talking to the guy who made his own furniture out of salad bowls right?

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    Quote Originally Posted by rx7boi View Post
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    I can see the appeal of not having to run a $2000 set of rims by your partner but the question is why shouldn't a couple talk about a purchase like that to begin with, or any purchase(s) for that matter. People don't like having to justify themselves and we all have emotional ties to what we earn so for some it's easier not to bother talking about it.
    Where is this assumption coming from that if spouses have separate accounts, they don't discuss these types of purchases? That's a pretty far leap to make to connect those dots.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rx7boi View Post
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    People who are in relationships or marriages still enjoy the feeling of still being themselves and doing what they want, when they want, how they want. The so-called financial autonomy mirage despite legal ramifications.

    I can see the appeal of not having to run a $2000 set of rims by your partner but the question is why shouldn't a couple talk about a purchase like that to begin with, or any purchase(s) for that matter. People don't like having to justify themselves and we all have emotional ties to what we earn so for some it's easier not to bother talking about it.
    It's weird to me that your spouse would give you shit for what you spend. If you guys are aligned re: spending, savings, etc... why would it matter?

    I spend $3k/yr on my PC and the wife doesn't even bat an eye. She spends $2k/yr on plane tickets to visit her mom in Yuma... no eyes batted.

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    Quote Originally Posted by A790 View Post
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    It's weird to me that your spouse would give you shit for what you spend. If you guys are aligned re: spending, savings, etc... why would it matter?

    I spend $3k/yr on my PC and the wife doesn't even bat an eye. She spends $2k/yr on plane tickets to visit her mom in Yuma... no eyes batted.
    I should have been more clear. That's in reference that some people may prefer to have the 3 account system because somehow it represents the freedom to make big purchases from their "own" accounts without a watchful eye. My point is yours exactly: if a couple is aligned in values and goals, then any purchases big or small shouldn't matter if it comes from a single joint account because you've already established the foundation to make it work. You should be having those discussions to begin with just as a facet of communication whether your $2000 rims come from your own account or from a joint account.

    Just reiterating that legally, everything is "ours" once you get married so for others it just makes sense to switch to a single account so you may as well get on board early.

    I wasn't trying to champion for the 3-account system, just merely pointing out that people employ this strategy so they don't ever have to open that can of worms, which IMO is worth opening if you're married and doing ambitious things together including building wealth.

    Quote Originally Posted by Misterman View Post
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    Where is this assumption coming from that if spouses have separate accounts, they don't discuss these types of purchases? That's a pretty far leap to make to connect those dots.
    It was a rhetorical question but there are tons of posts in this thread where people talk about buying something their spouse typically wouldn't purchase themselves and how having their own discretionary account saves them from having this conversation either because they don't want to or they think it's peanuts and not worth talking about. Might not be everyone but don't sit there and tell me it doesn't exist.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buster View Post
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    I'm still stuck on people willing to take HUGE plunges in their life, like marriage and all that it implies in terms of commitment, and then kids which dwarfs any other life commitment of any sort.

    but then when it comes to banking: "I WANT MAH BANK CARD"

    Life is a team sport. One of the big advantages of getting married is the practical benefits of combining everything and then delegating everything. This half-in, half-out business which is implied by separating finances hinders the overall capacity of the couple to focus on more productive aspects of their lives and careers. Couples that think like a unit are rewarded for it.
    Sniff. :')

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    I don’t know about all you guys but all, and I mean all of our purchases go into credit cards for the points so it really wouldn’t matter if we had separate accounts seeing as we both see what gets charged.
    Professionally Retired

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    Quote Originally Posted by rx7boi View Post
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    It was a rhetorical question but there are tons of posts in this thread where people talk about buying something their spouse typically wouldn't purchase themselves and how having their own discretionary account saves them from having this conversation either because they don't want to or they think it's peanuts and not worth talking about. Might not be everyone but don't sit there and tell me it doesn't exist.
    Still an assumption to make, that spending is something to hide. It goes both ways for a lot of people. A lot of guys probably don't want to see their wifes spending anymore than they want her seeing theirs. Not for the sake of "hiding" the purchase. Just for the simple concept that none of us like seeing money get wasted. Doesn't matter if it is predetermined discretionary spending, if I saw my wife spend 1000$ on bed sheets, it would annoy me on a certain level. It shouldn't, and I'm aware of that since it is her spending not mine, and if it's something important to her than that's all that matters. So it's better to just not see the charge. And same goes for her, if I blow 2 grand on rims, that seems like a waste to her because she is just thinking of all the bedsheets or shoes or whatever that could buy. This just in!! Men and women tend to have different interests.

    Obviously that's not everyone, there is definitely a lot of people that hide spending from their spouse. But the point is, some of you guys are making some fairly ignorant judgements about people because you're trying to read between the lines and pretend like you have full insight into someones life or relationship based on the context you conjured up when you read one sentence from that person.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Misterman View Post
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    Still an assumption to make, that spending is something to hide. It goes both ways for a lot of people. A lot of guys probably don't want to see their wifes spending anymore than they want her seeing theirs. Not for the sake of "hiding" the purchase. Just for the simple concept that none of us like seeing money get wasted. Doesn't matter if it is predetermined discretionary spending, if I saw my wife spend 1000$ on bed sheets, it would annoy me on a certain level. It shouldn't, and I'm aware of that since it is her spending not mine, and if it's something important to her than that's all that matters. So it's better to just not see the charge. And same goes for her, if I blow 2 grand on rims, that seems like a waste to her because she is just thinking of all the bedsheets or shoes or whatever that could buy. This just in!! Men and women tend to have different interests.

    Obviously that's not everyone, there is definitely a lot of people that hide spending from their spouse. But the point is, some of you guys are making some fairly ignorant judgements about people because you're trying to read between the lines and pretend like you have full insight into someones life or relationship based on the context you conjured up when you read one sentence from that person.
    I wasn't talking about hiding spending but you've insisted on making it a focal point. You'd openly acknowledge that no one likes to see money wasted (AKA not wasted, just not spent the way you want to it to be spent) therefore it's better not to see the charge because it would annoy you. It's even better when you admit that it shouldn't bug you yet it does, so there's even more incentive not to see the charges.

    You might be arguing with Buster and others here about "trust issues", but it's not something I've chosen to address because I think there's alot of different reasons. What I've done is spoken to another area where having separate accounts is favourable, particularly for people that 1. don't want to justify or talk about their individual spending and 2. that subscribe to a you have yours/I have mine philosophy. It's up to people whether they think that's a boon or not.

    Finally, of course it's an assumption that separate discretionary accounts provide opportunity not to talk about your respective purchases especially if you think it's better not to see the charge. That's the convenience of having your own account but it's not about hiding purchases. There's a reason that having a joint account forces a couple with vested interests to communicate more.

    Basically, the TL;DR is that you imply ignorance when you say it's better not to see the charges while simultaneously convincing us that somehow you're talking to each other about big purchases from your individual discretionary account.

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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    you're also discussing it with a guy that says that he would trust his wife less if she stole his cash than if she banged another dude.

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    Look, I feel like this conversation has gone off the rails a bit. I'm not speaking to trust issues and it's unfair to assume that people with separate finances have trust issues.

    What I am doing is advocating for a more team-centric approach to finances since there are considerable benefits to doing so. It is also how your assets are viewed by the government, so in my mind it make sense to view your assets holistically and with equal ownership. The joint account/integrated finances approach is the best suited for this, but it is also not the only way to achieve it.

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