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Thread: Should couples have joint or separate bank accounts?

  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by Misterman View Post
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    We have separate accounts, but it has nothing to do with hiding money. I have the statistically accurate marriage. Husband makes 80% of the income. My wife would never do anything malicious, but she just can't have access to an account with that much money going into it for reasons of simple human psychology. I know most people here like to pretend they have some perfect life, and that normal human factors somehow don't apply to them. But fact of the matter is, in general terms, people who make say 40k/yr, will struggle greatly with managing something like 200k/yr. We've all been there, when we used to make minimum wage and thinking if we could just make 20$/hr we would feel loaded. Next thing you know you're making 30$/hr and still no farther ahead, just driving a nicer car and living in a nicer house. My wife isn't exempt from these human normalities, so if she has what appears to be unlimited funds compared to her paychecks, suddenly wants start seeming like needs. Then you get a bunch of over spending on unnecessary stuff. Much easier for me to just manage the bills and deal with everything out of my own account. She has her own account that her paycheck goes to, and she can use that for her nails, hair, putting gas in her vehicle, etc.

    Speaking of hiding money though, it's not a terrible idea. Nobody goes into a marriage expecting they will get divorced in a few years, yet 50% of marriages end in divorce. So it's a good idea to be prepared. I worked with a guy that used to talk about this a lot as he had been through a terrible divorce. A lawyer informed him that in the future, you should do what they call skimming. You withdraw a few hundred dollars every paycheck, and squirrel it away somewhere, or buy gold with it. When all your financial records are being examined in the event of a divorce, that money will appear to be regular discretionary spending within reasonable limits. I don't do any of this myself, maybe I'll live to regret it one day, hope not.





    This shows a lack of understanding about what a team actually is. Which is utilizing eachothers strengths to make up where the other is weak and form a good balance. If one of you is absolutely shit with money, then you would be retarded to give that person enough rope to hang themselves and ruin the entire relationship by giving them unfettered access to both incomes. If you're both amazing with money then power to you, joint everything!! In the real world that isn't very common.

    My thoughts are opposite to yours. Considering that fucking with money is the one thing more unforgiveable than infidelity. It blows me away that some people think like you and just dive in head first to the shallow end and combine everything. To each their own though, every couple is different and should find what works for them. There is no ignorant judgement from me.
    lol

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    This whole thread is a great read.

    Also to revive AskLeo, maybe we should change it "Tony's Blog". Great dating and vindaloo stories.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Team_Mclaren View Post
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    Man, some people have trust issues, why get married then if you cant even trust someone with "money" let alone life.
    I'm married and I trust my wife with all my money and vice versa. She can spend whatever she wants and I can do the same. We trust each other that we wont bankrupt ourselves. Pretty simple.
    I just assumed most married couples have combined finances. This thread has been enlightening haha.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Misterman View Post
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    Considering that fucking with money is the one thing more unforgiveable than infidelity.
    "I wish you had an orgy with those guys instead of buying that new Lexus..."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Team_Mclaren View Post
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    Man, some people have trust issues, why get married then if you cant even trust someone with "money" let alone life.
    I'm married and I trust my wife with all my money and vice versa. She can spend whatever she wants and I can do the same. We trust each other that we wont bankrupt ourselves. Pretty simple.
    My wife can log into my accounts anytime she wants. And I hers. Do we have trust issues?

    We like our set up as its easy. Yours isn't any better and because of it doesn't make your relationship more trustworthy than others.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ThePenIsMightier View Post
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    Some of examples that don't make sense but don't cause issues:
    My haircut? Selfish$.
    Her hair? Joint$. (These are by my choice).
    Insurance/reg/gas on a vehicle the one person never touches? Selfish$.
    Buy lunch at work even though joint$ already bought sandwiches I could've taken to work? Selfish$.
    Wife makes me fanciest lunch for work, ever and obviously I'm the only one eating it? Joint$.
    This is exactly how it works for us, I dont think its fair for me to use OUR money when I go to the casino and spend $150 on a cheap night, drinking and gambling with friends while shes at home watching 90 days fiance.
    That being said I do see how it could work for some people, some have very similar lifestyles or barely do things on their own and thats ok, I feel like some people on this thread dont get that their method wont work for everyone.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3drian View Post
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    This is exactly how it works for us, I dont think its fair for me to use OUR money when I go to the casino and spend $150 on a cheap night, drinking and gambling with friends while shes at home watching 90 days fiance.
    lol you recognize that when you spend YOUR money, you are spending "OUR" money... right? In the eyes of the government, it's one and the same. The distinction you are making is arbitrary.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lasimmon View Post
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    My wife can log into my accounts anytime she wants. And I hers. Do we have trust issues?

    We like our set up as its easy. Yours isn't any better and because of it doesn't make your relationship more trustworthy than others.
    That's what i mean... lol YOU dont have trust issues. I never mentioned which system i use or is better. But from the responses some are using single accounts to "hide" money or to avoid their partner from withdrawing money in case of a separation??? That's fucked.

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    Quote Originally Posted by A790 View Post
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    lol you recognize that when you spend YOUR money, you are spending "OUR" money... right? In the eyes of the government, it's one and the same. The distinction you are making is arbitrary.
    Sure? hows is that relevant to my point? I dont care if you think its OUR money or how the government looks at it.

    At the end of the day, we manage money in a way that works for both my wife and myself. Not sure why it bothers you so much that other couples manage money different than you do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by cjblair View Post
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    lol

    I find it more sad than funny that a few guys here are so insecure in their marriage, they have to trump up how great it is because they have joint accounts.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3drian View Post
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    Sure? hows is that relevant to my point? I dont care if you think its OUR money or how the government looks at it.

    At the end of the day, we manage money in a way that works for both my wife and myself. Not sure why it bothers you so much that other couples manage money different than you do.
    Three things:

    1) Why are you so defensive? It's a conversation. Why are you participating in it if you aren't open to exploring it?

    2) I don't "think" anything: in the eyes of the government, assets accrued during a marriage - singular or joint - are your matrimonial assets. This means that however you choose to label it is something you're doing arbitrarily. How you've separated assets, or where you choose to store them, are effectively irrelevant if you were to get a divorce.

    3) You should definitely care how the government views your assets, as that understanding should influence how you choose to leverage them. My comments are relevant to your point because your mental separation of assets is immaterial in the event of separation.

    Lastly, I couldn't care less how other people manage their money. It doesn't "bother me" at all. What I'm doing is having a conversation with people and vetting their ideas. You know... what you do when you participate in a conversation (on a forum or otherwise).

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    Quote Originally Posted by A790 View Post
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    lol you recognize that when you spend YOUR money, you are spending "OUR" money... right? In the eyes of the government, it's one and the same. The distinction you are making is arbitrary.
    Some people struggle with this mentality. It becomes even more apparent when one partner is the sole breadwinner. Have heard countless times about how the man feels entitled to the lion's share of income (especially during divorce) because he's the one that works or pulls all of the overtime for extra cash. Earning a higher income definitely makes people feel like they have the upper hand in the relationship and therefore more power or authority.

    Like Dave Ramsey says, when you get married they say "and now you are one," not "and now you are a joint venture." His wife hasn't worked in 20+ years and contributes in other ways. "They" earn an income. Her purchases are his expenses and vice versa.

    IMO it's a mindset you get more comfortable with when you focus on the team and bigger picture. If one person spends more than the other or on different things, that's not a problem either. It's only a problem if you let it become a problem AND you don't talk about it in order to negotiate a resolution.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Misterman View Post
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    I find it more sad than funny that a few guys here are so insecure in their marriage, they have to trump up how great it is because they have joint accounts.
    Also worth a lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by rx7boi View Post
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    IMO it's a mindset you get more comfortable with when you focus on the team and bigger picture. If one person spends more than the other or on different things, that's not a problem either. It's only a problem if you let it become a problem AND you don't talk about it in order to negotiate a resolution.
    I completely agree.

    In the case of my wife and I, it took several months for both us to come around to the idea that we are mutually working toward a common goal. Once that understanding set in, the idea of sharing finances became a non-issue.

    Communication is key here. My wife and I sit down for an hour every month and review our budget and discuss upcoming purchases that we should roll into the budget. We stay aligned by communicating larger purchases, or by communicating when significant portions of items allocated in our budget have been used. We budget $250/mo for clothing, for example. If she spends $200 of that, she tells me so that I know there's $50 remaining.

    We agree on these things together to ensure we both have equal skin in the game. For each of us, where the money comes from is less relevant then what we choose to do with it.

    I attribute our "success" as a couple to this mentality.

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    Last edited by Sugarphreak; 08-18-2019 at 05:33 PM.

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    I think it all depends on who the people are. I would prefer a joint account stuff like bills and savings for a family vacation or whatever but its also important to have your own account to save up for something that you'd want and you don't have a watchful eye seeing that you've just spend 2500 on a new turbo

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sugarphreak View Post
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    I think you are right in the sense that it is worth being prepared; things happen and people change. However, the method of holding money in a secret account isn't good and hiding money shows a deep distrust. Why would you get married if you distrust somebody that much?
    I'm not even convinced he likes her. He said he'd rather her bang other dudes than spend too much money.

    Maybe he married his sister?

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    Quote Originally Posted by ThePenIsMightier View Post
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    3 accounts is easy & clean and it isn't an automatic sign of distrust or inequality. Although... Depending on the motivation, it could be. Fine, whatever.
    .
    Not combining finances is absolutely a sign of a lack of trust. In fact, that's the reason cited in this thread by the people who separate their finances (I think universally so). They lack trust in a) long term prospects of potential divorce b) potential for long-term mental health stability c) lack of ability to communicate and establish spending priorities within the relationship d) some other trust issues I've missed.

    If you DO trust your partner, then not combining/consolidating your finances and accounts is just an unnecessary inefficiency.

    This thread makes me realize that it is a real luxury that I trust my wife or that she is not incompetent or that she is not a deadbeat/goldigger.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sugarphreak View Post
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    I think you are right in the sense that it is worth being prepared; things happen and people change. However, the method of holding money in a secret account isn't good and hiding money shows a deep distrust. Why would you get married if you distrust somebody that much?

    The better thing to do is have a conversation with your spouse, and make an agreement that no matter what transpires or whose fault it is, you will keep the separation civil and fair. If you truly trust somebody, it will be easy and you don't have to worry about hiding money or having a pair of lawyers strip away your built up wealth should you decide to divorce.
    Like I said, I don't do it. However I am in a trusting relationship where both parties have vowed not to royally fuck eachother over in the event we did ever decide to part ways for whatever reason in the future......................................................... Just like every other person who has been drug through the mud in a divorce.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buster View Post
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    Not combining finances is absolutely a sign of a lack of trust. In fact, that's the reason cited in this thread by the people who separate their finances (I think universally so). They lack trust in a) long term prospects of potential divorce b) potential for long-term mental health stability c) lack of ability to communicate and establish spending priorities within the relationship d) some other trust issues I've missed.

    If you DO trust your partner, then not combining/consolidating your finances and accounts is just an unnecessary inefficiency.

    This thread makes me realize that it is a real luxury that I trust my wife or that she is not incompetent or that she is not a deadbeat/goldigger.
    And when none of your made up reasons are true, what then?

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