Show me your bidets

[Disoblige]

I dunno guys. The problem is that there are different kinds of shits. Regular, constipated, creamy, explosive, etc.

If you rely on the bidet, you might miss a couple spots on those creamy/explosive shits and then you don't realize it until you smell something funky for 2 hours sitting on the couch watching TV wondering why the fuck it smells like shit.
I mean, show me a bidet that has a camera as well so you can play Space Invaders on your ass with water pressure and I might be sold.

[mr2mike]

Everyone chiming in sounds like they have a side hustle as a bottom on a c-grade porn movie.
Next you'll be asking which one has "bleach mode'?

[JRSC00LUDE]

This forum is weird.

[A790]

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I dunno guys. The problem is that there are different kinds of shits. Regular, constipated, creamy, explosive, etc.

If you rely on the bidet, you might miss a couple spots on those creamy/explosive shits and then you don't realize it until you smell something funky for 2 hours sitting on the couch watching TV wondering why the fuck it smells like shit.
I mean, show me a bidet that has a camera as well so you can play Space Invaders on your ass with water pressure and I might be sold.

I mean, you're supposed to use it in combo with TP. The idea is just reduces how much TP you use.

[ExtraSlow]

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Everyone chiming in sounds like they have a side hustle as a bottom on a c-grade porn movie.
Next you'll be asking which one has "bleach mode'?

Fuck you, I'm in A-grade films only.

[rage2]

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I mean, you're supposed to use it in combo with TP. The idea is just reduces how much TP you use.

Wait, what? I thought bidets are to use zero TP and rely on water for full cleanliness?

[tonytiger55]

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Sounds like you might have hit the enema function versus just wash. It's a different button on my remote.
iZen 5 is what I have and you can control temp and pressure to avoid such problems.

Attachment 88556

Your bidet has a REMOTE..?!! That is ASStounding...
I wonder if the newer ones have a app..?

[rage2]

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Your bidet has a REMOTE..?!! That is ASStounding...
I wonder if the newer ones have a app..?

It's been there for a while. But be careful...

https://www.extremetech.com/extreme/...-vulnerability

Last thing you need is a hacked trigger on power washer vag mode.

[jwslam]

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I was trying to find that thread where I posted about how I clean my ass, but failed.

That was also my original intention lol. was looking for the post that contained this

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My entire life revolves around only doing a #2 when there is a bathtub available. So the only places I poop is at my house, parent's house when I'm there, or hotel. Been doing this all my life with only maybe 15-20 emergencies that I was forced to use a public place.

[ibeast]

OG bidet

[ThePenIsMightier]

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getting paid to shit > all.

No shit! There's an app for that.
http://www.workpoop.com/

[nismodrifter]

Have used bidet for last 15ish years. Heated seat, heated water, remote control.

Its this one - Coco brand:


For those doing renos and new construction, make sure you have a plug wired near the toilet.
COC Electrical permit guy came for inspection and thought wtf when he saw the plug location, but when I explained what it was for he was all .

[speedog]

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He should try using baby wipes, Fuck I miss baby wipes now that my kids are older. So soothing after spicy Indian food.

Why would your kids being older mean that you can't keep baby wipes around? We still buy PC unscented wipes and keep a box in each bathroom, I also keep a box in my truck - quite refreshing to wipe one's face off at the end of the day.

[phreezee]

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It's been there for a while. But be careful...

https://www.extremetech.com/extreme/...-vulnerability

Last thing you need is a hacked trigger on power washer vag mode.

My bidet has a skin sensor, so pressing the remote buttons don't do anything unless it detects if someone is sitting on it.

The enema function is great if you like spicy food and are addicted to Samyang noodles:




The oscillations and position adjustments ensure full coverage, and the dryer means no TP necessary.

[phreezee]

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OG bidet

Filipino? Tabo FTW?

[The_Rural_Juror]

This enema function seems like it could be good for the stragglers.

I started looking at cheap bidets but now you gentlemen have got me searching upscale models with underglow lighting so that I can relive FnF 1.

[taemo]

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Wait, what? I thought bidets are to use zero TP and rely on water for full cleanliness?

spray then wipe with TP for me, my ass feels so clean

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OG bidet

this was the toilet at a shoddy restaurant on our way to El Nido in the Philippines, which is pretty typical in the provinces.

[rage2]

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spray then wipe with TP for me, my ass feels so clean

How many times have you fingered yourself wiping down a drenched asshole with this method?

[JRSC00LUDE]

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This enema function seems like it could be good for the stragglers.

I started looking at cheap bidets but now you gentlemen have got me searching upscale models with underglow lighting so that I can relive FnF 1.

My buddy owns a plumbing wholesale and fancy showroom, I can easily hook you up with a $10,000 toilet that should cover (and clean) all your bases.

[ExtraSlow]

Have never had the desire to get a bidet in my house. But I have fond memories of my trip to Japan fifteen years ago, and one guys house had the bidet, so I of course played with all the buttons. The "lady" function was a pretty pleasant ball wash. A+, would spray my balls again.