Have you bought toilet paper in bulk..?

[The_Rural_Juror]

Bahahhahaaahhah.

Not my photo.

[ZenOps]

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Bahahhahaaahhah.

Not my photo.

Reverse psychology. They've run out and can't get more, so might as well do a Trump and mindplay.

Trudeau announced possible monetary support payable every two weeks to 15 weeks. That's a heck of a timeline to be planning.

[ZenOps]

So does anyone actually remember the days when you could get unscented or scented TP?

[Rocket1k78]

If there's still people in need of TP the walmart at deerfoot city has tons now. They're limiting one per family but its big 30=80 rolls bag.

[jwslam]

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Solution: Shave your ass. Give that sphincter some photon exposure.

https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showt...hp?t=110123441

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my butt-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my buttcheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my butt of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My butt was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two buttcheaks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poo- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky ****/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my butt off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my butt cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own ****blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my butt at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for butt-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my buttcheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your butt having the texture of a Brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Guys, DON'T SHAVE YOUR BUTT-HAIR!

[nzwasp]

My wife told me that I have to use the bidet from now on because on average I use about 30 sheets per trip - and 2 or 3 trips per day and in the last 2 weeks shes replaced the roll 3 times. I told her we have 38 rolls and that we have a 40 day supply according to that website https://howmuchtoiletpaper.com/

I just dont like that cold water hitting my hole

[ExtraSlow]

30 sheets per shit? That's pretty high.

[Xtrema]

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30 sheets per shit? That's pretty high.

Butter Chicken will do that to me tho.

[nzwasp]

It might be related to the standing vs sitting debate - but I guess Im half way between sitting and standing (squatting); if baffles me that people can wipe their ass while still sitting on the seat.

[bjstare]

Jesus, 30 sheets 3x per day? This should be a diet discussion, not a TP discussion.

[Twin_Cam_Turbo]

Jesus how does your corn hole feel?

[nzwasp]

only pooped once today I think i usued less than 15 sheets this morning.

I think since Ive been eating at home every day ive been shitting massive logs.

[sabad66]

This is why the Kirkland brand extra wide sheets come in handy - you use less sheets per wipe but still have the same surface area of paper you are used to.

[killramos]

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Jesus, 30 sheets 3x per day? This should be a diet discussion, not a TP discussion.

Werd, guy should be medicated. Even if just mentally.

30 sheets per shit lol. That’s like wiping your ass with a wad the size of a dodge ball.

[beyond_ban]

I can only imagine the chafe with a 30x3 sheet daily wiping regiment. I need to go grab some lotion just thinking about it.

[nzwasp]

I use charmin, its like wiping your ass with polar bear fur.

[sabad66]

you can get to 30 pretty fast depending on what you eat. 4 sheets per wipe, 5-6 wipes per shit, and if i'm at home i do a couple of wipes with wet TP (i'm not cool enough to bidet), then a couple to dry. easy to get to 30.

[bjstare]

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I use charmin, its like wiping your ass with polar bear fur.

You mean you don't wipe your ass with actual polar bear fur? Found another poor person, guys.