School me on being a Dad

[Skrilla]

So...my wife and I are expecting our first youngster in December. Neither of us had intentions of having kids before, but things changed and we have been trying. I'm just looking to see what tips are out there. What are things I should be getting together? May sound silly but I have literally no idea what to do/expect, just looking for advice haha

[spikerS]

My advice, and it sounds so cliche, but savour every second. They DO grow up so fast, and man, I miss the early days a lot. Now that my kids are 11 and 15, I find myself longing for when they were 2 or 3. I miss it a lot. No, I am not having any more lol

[rage2]

Make sure you sleep train him/her early. That means vacuuming and construction outside their room, and stomping your feet as you walk by while he/she is sleeping.

On a serious note, do as much as you can for your wife, especially in the first few months. She's gonna be sleep deprived, exhausted, and cranky. The shit you like to do on your own, grab the kid and do it with them if possible to give mom a break. It'll be relatively easy for you, as the first few months all that baby will do is sleep. I'd watch F1 early in the morning with the baby sleeping on me.

[nissanK]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Make sure you sleep train him/her early. That means vacuuming and construction outside their room, and stomping your feet as you walk by while he/she is sleeping.

THIS. HOLY SHIT THIS.

We did exactly what rage mentioned with both our boys (5 and 3 now) and they can sleep everywhere. I would add to implement a schedule as soon as possible with the little minon (obviously this will not apply the first 6-10 months)

Biggest tip I can suggest is talk with your wife to make sure you are both on the same page regarding certain areas (Discpline, roles/responsibilities etc...) It makes it 10x harder when both parents have differing opinions of how to address something.

[bjstare]

Yeah the first bit is gonna be pretty easy, just make sure you help your wife however you can. I think the "savour every moment" advice is totally valuable, but only after~10 months haha. The first bit wasn't that engaging for me, but once things start to happen (i.e. kid starts to develop personality and move around etc etc), they happen very quickly.

[Tik-Tok]

Rule #1 about kids: No two kids are alike, take every piece of advice with a grain of salt. What worked for 99% of your friends, may not work for you.

An example is that there was no sleep training our daughter. We tried everything. Nothing worked and she woke up with night terrors every single fucking night for over two years. It sucked.

Rage was spot on with the wife advice though. Do everything possible to help. Try not to keep a grasp of your pre-kid life until after the first year.

[killramos]

Make sure you don’t let them drink pop

[Disoblige]

Helping the wife as much as possible seems to be prime advice here. I know I will follow that as much as possible. Happy wife, happy life seems to be applicable to married life, but moreso married with a kid, lol.

I know a wife who said they don't want another kid with the husband because he was utterly useless and it was beyond stressful for her that she lacked that support. Yikes, I wouldn't want to be that guy...

I also seen enough bickering couples with newborns that it looks like things would have gone way better if they supported one another more.

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Make sure you don’t let them drink pop

These days, lots of non-sugary alternatives like Bubly, Canada Dry, etc. Is this still applicable anymore?
I thought not letting your kids drink pop just meant you can save $7.2 million by 65.

[ExtraSlow]

Good advice above. I say 1) don't worry about the "stuff" that you need for a kid, and expend your energy on being physically and mentally present for the kid and especially for the wife during the first year. The emotional/physical and hormonal toll that pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding takes on the mother is massive. I mean, it's not easy for the dad, but it's MUCH harder on the mom, and your main job, especially early, is to support your wife.

Related to that, watch your wife for signs of postpartum depression, and if you think it could be an issue, look for help. There are many organizations that support families who are struggling with PPD, and requesting that assistance is a sign of strength, not weakness.

In the end, like said above, kids are individuals, and what worked for your parents, or your friends, may not work for you. You have to be true to your own tendencies and values when parenting, because trying to follow some pathway because you "heard it works" is doomed to failure if it's doesn't align with your own tendencies.

Parenting really does change people, and often for the better because parents are forced to practice empathy.

And my favourite one-line parenting advice: "your job is not to entertain or please your child, it's to give that child a safe space to learn how to entertain or please themselves."

Good luck and enjoy it as best you can.

[nissanK]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Related to that, watch your wife for signs of postpartum depression, and if you think it could be an issue, look for help. There are many organizations that support families who are struggling with PPD, and requesting that assistance is a sign of strength, not weakness.

And my favourite one-line parenting advice: "your job is not to entertain or please your child, it's to give that child a safe space to learn how to entertain or please themselves."

Good luck and enjoy it as best you can.

Both these points are valuable.

I suck at reading my wife's mood when she was struggling with Post-partum so we did a number system. She would give me a rank 1-10 (10 being the worst) each day so I would understand her mindset and kick up the help a notch or 2.

And to ExtraSlow's one-liner, LET THEM BE BORED and figure things out themselves once and awhile.

[ExtraSlow]

Yeah, if your kids thinks your primary role is entertaining them, then that's going to be their expectation forever, and they will not respect you for anything else. I know a dad who has this relationship with his daughter. She truly has no idea why she'd need to respect or listen to her dad for any serious topic. It's awful and bizarre. Of course, helps that I'm a grumpy cat by nature anyway, so I'm not fun to play with most days.

[dirtsniffer]

get sleep now while you can.

[nzwasp]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Yeah, if your kids thinks your primary role is entertaining them, then that's going to be their expectation forever, and they will not respect you for anything else. I know a dad who has this relationship with his daughter. She truly has no idea why she'd need to respect or listen to her dad for any serious topic. It's awful and bizarre. Of course, helps that I'm a grumpy cat by nature anyway, so I'm not fun to play with most days.

Also if you only have one kid then they (in the early years) will want you to play with them. So glad we have two kids, I have a buddy that when he brings his kid around the kid only wanted to play with the dad, it took him a long time to get used to the idea that he could play with other kids. I have two girls 2 years apart and they play with each other all the time.

[tirebob]

Be their parent first and foremost instead of trying to be their best friend. Kids are going to hate your ass at many points along the way, but they will give you no respect long term if you let your worries of them liking you dictate decisions before you worry about what is right for them. So many things our kids hated us for growing up has now become the backbone of their strengths and ethics in the real world of adulting, and they now appreciate it and love us for it.

[sabad66]

If they suck their thumb, try and nip that in the bud early as it's a hard habit to break.

Change diapers as much as you can - the facetime you get with your kid adds up over time, and not to mention its something 'easy' you can do to help mom out. On the note about diapers, don't even entertain the though of re-usable diapers. Everyone i know (at least 3 couples i can think of) invested in them and ditched them quick. Just don't.

Postpartum depression is a real thing and affects more mothers than you might think. It can vary from nothing to extreme and not easy to deal with if it happens, but just know it's normal and do your best to support mom unconditionally.

Babycams are very useful. You don't even need a 'real' baby cam... $30 Wyze cams work just fine.

Babybjorn bouncer was probably one of the best things we bought for our kids. Kind of expensive but worth it.

I'm sure i'll think of more things but just wanted to mention those off the top of my head.

[rage2]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

THIS. HOLY SHIT THIS.

We did exactly what rage mentioned with both our boys (5 and 3 now) and they can sleep everywhere. I would add to implement a schedule as soon as possible with the little minon (obviously this will not apply the first 6-10 months)

I was being sarcastic. It's pretty much a copy pasta from @revelations haha. Sleep training does work to a degree, but it depends on the kid.

[revelations]

lol - my little guy would sleep (6 mo) with me outside while I was busy building and cutting the deck. Construction !!!! Sorry kid, but this is how it is.

[nzwasp]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

get sleep now while you can.

This is like telling people to have lots of sex before they get married

[dirtsniffer]

wish someone gave me that advice before my wedding day

[JustinL]

My little girl is 16 months now, so I still have lots to learn. So far I've found that we bought WAY too much stuff. You don't need everything at the beginning except diapers, a car seat, somewhere for the baby to sleep, and clothes. Buy the rest as you need it.

Sleep sacks were way easier for us than swaddling. Snaps are the devil, go with zippers. Get used clothes if possible because kids grow so fast that most clothing barely gets worn before they are into the next size. Don't worry about dirty diapers, something about your own kid's poop is way less gross than any other poop. You also get to warm up with breast milk poop which is even less gross. You'll be way more worried when they aren't pooping and getting diapers dirty.