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Thread: School me on being a Dad

  1. #101
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    I took 3 full weeks, then worked 2 days a week for 2 weeks, then 3 days for 2 weeks, then back full time. Wife took one year then back 3 days a week now that daycare is back open.

  2. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skrilla View Post
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    Thankfully my wife is a RN so she knows most of the nurses at the hospital. I got some great ideas to make life easier for sure, much appreciated! We have an ultrasound next week to hopefully determine gender.

    Was curious, for time off, how much did you guys take off when your child was born? Was thinking 10-14 days tops but maybe that's off.
    I took about 10 weeks. My company is pretty good, they offer 17 weeks of parental leave at 85% of my salary. I had intended to take the whole 17 weeks, but the right opportunity at work came up, so I came back for that.

    We're expecting our second on July 20th, and again I'm planning on taking the whole time, but anticipate coming back a little bit early if the right role comes up.

    The first it was mostly like vacation. She was an easy baby, and both of our parents are in town, so we just enjoyed lots of family time. I'm anticipating this will be much more work for us as a couple, since we have a busy toddler to chase around.

    I would take as much time as you can justify being away from work.

  3. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by cjblair View Post
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    I took about 10 weeks. My company is pretty good, they offer 17 weeks of parental leave at 85% of my salary. I had intended to take the whole 17 weeks, but the right opportunity at work came up, so I came back for that.

    We're expecting our second on July 20th, and again I'm planning on taking the whole time, but anticipate coming back a little bit early if the right role comes up.

    The first it was mostly like vacation. She was an easy baby, and both of our parents are in town, so we just enjoyed lots of family time. I'm anticipating this will be much more work for us as a couple, since we have a busy toddler to chase around.

    I would take as much time as you can justify being away from work.
    That’s an insane amount of time off.
    Last edited by killramos; 07-08-2020 at 12:35 PM.
    Originally posted by Thales of Miletus

    If you think I have been trying to present myself as intellectually superior, then you truly are a dimwit.
    Originally posted by Toma
    fact.

  4. #104
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    If you want to learn about car seats, just message me. Did inspections/installs full time for 7 years.

    My little guy is creeping up on 2. Its been amazing but also one of the hardest things I've done. Make sure you keep it balanced, ie. if the kiddo wakes up crying in the night, take half of the turns going to sooth/change/feed. You dont get special privileges just because you get to go to work everyday. And put the phone down. They grow at a lightning pace and it will be over before you know it, so be mindful to be present.
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  5. #105
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    Quote Originally Posted by killramos View Post
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    I am personally extremely shocked the number of you who went with either a midwife/doula or having home births rather than relying on doctors and hospitals.

    Maybe itís just a cultural thing for me but that isnít something that would be anything resembling being on my radar.
    FYI Doula /= Midwife.

    A Doula is a support person and will be with you during the birth, but they don't have any medical involvement.


    To O.P
    First off congrats! its a amazing time and live in the moment.
    My wife and I had a doula (which I personally highly recommend) and she was phenomenal.

    My Tips:
    Birthing process
    1) Take over the room, lights off play music, move the bed in any way you want. Keep your wife moving as much as possible.
    2) Snacks! Bring a lot of snacks... My wife labored for nearly 18 hours (hence why a doula is phenomenal)
    3) Keep her hydrated - Even if she doesn't want water, have her drink some every 10 mins

    At Home
    1) Have your baby introduced to a bottle ASAP!! This will allow you to take over 1 night feed and allow mom an extra couple hours of sleep - this is a big deal.
    We had our son introduced to a bottle on day 3, and wife pumped all milk required.
    2) Move baby to their own crib/ room relatively quickly (We moved our son into his crib at 4 weeks) This will drastically improve sleep for both of you
    3) Don't buy new things - they are expensive as hell, kids out grow things extremely fast and things are cheap on kijiji/ marketplace
    4) Dr Chase Kolik Gripe Water ,this stuff has been gold in our house as our son was/ is quite gassy - Get the good stuff, not the alcohol free. Its very gentle on baby so no worries.

    Again live in the moment and good luck! If you want me to elaborate on any of this PM me.

  6. #106
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    I just had my second on the 23rd. Definitely a change having a toddler plus a little one. I took off 2 weeks, back to work this week but still working from home so I can still go help with nap time and anything else that's needed. So far so good though and wife hasn't needed much help.

  7. #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by BavarianBeast View Post
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    For the love of god donít snip the poor fella
    No kidding, what on earth is with the complete acceptance and encouragement of genital mutilation for boys?
    Originally posted by SJW
    Once again another useless post by JRSCOOLDUDE.
    Originally posted by snowcat
    Don't let the e-thugs and faggots get to you when they quote your posts and write stupid shit.

  8. #108
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skrilla View Post
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    Oh there is no way I'm peaking haha.
    The nurse made me look with my second and it was pretty intense.....

    Quote Originally Posted by killramos View Post
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    I am personally extremely shocked the number of you who went with either a midwife/doula or having home births rather than relying on doctors and hospitals.

    Maybe itís just a cultural thing for me but that isnít something that would be anything resembling being on my radar.
    Im really surprised too but after reading the posts i would probably go midwife/hospital route too. We got lucky with our kids because the nurses were all amazing but i could see the experience being way better with an actual person being there the whole time helping my wife out
    Quote Originally Posted by Mitsu3000gt View Post
    and I did not have the only say in the matter (most people just want it done ASAP and don't care about quality).
    Quote Originally Posted by Mitsu3000gt View Post
    If anything we made a better decision because we had a consensus and were all on the same page.

  9. #109
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    vengie- your advice on the bottle made me laugh. I had a friend say breastfeeding is the only way to go this way they never had to help with bottles.

  10. #110
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    I took a month off with my first born and was planning for the same amount of time with my second until covid happened and it turned into 3 months. Not only was it beneficial for my wife to have me around as we navigated life with a baby, but it really helped me and forming a bond with the tiny human who is now screaming at me all the time. I wouldn't have traded that time for anything in the world. We try not to give any unsolicited advice to any new parents because we know how brutal and scary most of that advice can be, but the one piece of advice I do give any expecting dads is take as much time off as you possibly can because its time you will never get back and your wife could really use a hand.

    Quote Originally Posted by vengie View Post
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    FYI Doula /= Midwife.

    A Doula is a support person and will be with you during the birth, but they don't have any medical involvement.


    To O.P
    First off congrats! its a amazing time and live in the moment.
    My wife and I had a doula (which I personally highly recommend) and she was phenomenal.

    My Tips:
    Birthing process
    1) Take over the room, lights off play music, move the bed in any way you want. Keep your wife moving as much as possible.
    2) Snacks! Bring a lot of snacks... My wife labored for nearly 18 hours (hence why a doula is phenomenal)
    3) Keep her hydrated - Even if she doesn't want water, have her drink some every 10 mins

    At Home
    1) Have your baby introduced to a bottle ASAP!! This will allow you to take over 1 night feed and allow mom an extra couple hours of sleep - this is a big deal.
    We had our son introduced to a bottle on day 3, and wife pumped all milk required.
    2) Move baby to their own crib/ room relatively quickly (We moved our son into his crib at 4 weeks) This will drastically improve sleep for both of you
    3) Don't buy new things - they are expensive as hell, kids out grow things extremely fast and things are cheap on kijiji/ marketplace
    4) Dr Chase Kolik Gripe Water ,this stuff has been gold in our house as our son was/ is quite gassy - Get the good stuff, not the alcohol free. Its very gentle on baby so no worries.

    Again live in the moment and good luck! If you want me to elaborate on any of this PM me.
    This is all great advice! One note on the snacks front though is that make sure what ever you bring or give her is easy to throw up so things like muffins and soft fruit will be easier than granola bars.

    The bottle thing is also key the only thing I would add is that I believe its more about consistency than it is about early age as they can't form an association for quite a while. But if you're consistent with the bottle then once that ability to associate boob + bottle = food then you are ahead of the game. Our first was really good with the bottle but I wasn't consistent with it and we had about 3 months there where it was a fight to get him back on it. Also, your kid will end up having a preference for a bottle type and it probably won't be any of the first 2-3 that you buy because kids are assholes.

    Gripe water is the shit. It was the only thing that calmed our son down, it was our life blood for a little bit because he was so gassy. The second one hasn't needed it but we have a bottle on standby just in case.

    I'd also recommend getting the app or the book Wonder Weeks. It had phenomenal information about the gestation of baby then about all of their developmental leaps. Just when you think they are in a routine they will switch it up and turn into terrorists, this book/app helps explain what new skills they are learning and why the sudden change in their behavior.

    Also, you're a ways away from this point now but when baby is here you're going to probably want a way to track naps, feeds, diapers, medication etc so find a good app to track that. We've used BabyTime for both kids because it syncs between our phones and its been clutch. Things are going to be a blurr and you and momma are going to forget when baby last ate or was changed so it really helps with your sanity. Plus when they start having legit naps and not sporadic sleeping its good to track that and get a bit of a feel of how that is going. Mind you, my wife and I are engineers so maybe we just like data....


    EDIT: Side note, midwives carry the same amount of equipment with them everywhere they go that you would find in a level 1 hospital like High River. If you are a low risk pregnancy you're more than covered with medical training and equipment regardless of where you choose to have your kid and if there is an unexpected issue they are more than capable of handling it to get you transferred to emergency care (regardless if you are at the hospital or home). Again, like many people have mentioned just because you have a midwife doesn't mean you have to have a home birth, if you feel more comfortable in a hospital then the midwife will deliver your baby there. You get the same level of care and experience with a midwife regardless of where you choose to have the baby and I would say there is no argument that the total experience with a Midwife from pre to post birth far exceeds the random Doctor/Nurse combo you're going to get come delivery. Its more about having the same person who saw you through your whole pregnancy be there for the actual birth and do all of the follow up. It was a really educational experience for me and instilled a ton of confidence in us.
    Last edited by schurchill39; 07-08-2020 at 03:50 PM.
    Originally posted by rage2
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    Meh, they all look like Jackie Chan to me
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    You dudes have some squeaky clean assholes. I commend you.

  11. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by gwill View Post
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    vengie- your advice on the bottle made me laugh. I had a friend say breastfeeding is the only way to go this way they never had to help with bottles.
    This is definitely the alternative.
    But personally I'm not a dickhead and would prefer to help my wife in any way possible.

  12. #112
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    Quote Originally Posted by killramos View Post
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    That’s an insane amount of time off.
    Ya it’s a lot. Our company is driving pretty hard towards gender equality, and parental leave is an obvious area where typically men don’t take much time off, so they strongly encourage it. I could go on, but maybe save it for next time we get a coffee.

    In the grand scheme though, 3 weeks vs 10 or even 20 is inconsequential as far as my work is concerned. I only have one shot to spend that kind of time with my kids, I’m gonna take advantage of it, at least to some extent.

  13. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by cjblair View Post
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    Ya it’s a lot. Our company is driving pretty hard towards gender equality, and parental leave is an obvious area where typically men don’t take much time off, so they strongly encourage it. I could go on, but maybe save it for next time we get a coffee.

    In the grand scheme though, 3 weeks vs 10 or even 20 is inconsequential as far as my work is concerned. I only have one shot to spend that kind of time with my kids, I’m gonna take advantage of it, at least to some extent.
    It’s pretty cool of them for sure.

    How much to take off is definitely a complicated juggling act career wise.
    Originally posted by Thales of Miletus

    If you think I have been trying to present myself as intellectually superior, then you truly are a dimwit.
    Originally posted by Toma
    fact.

  14. #114
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    I had booked 1 week off for baby. I instantly turned that into 2 as soon as we returned home. I then worked usual hours for 2 weeks until we were told to shut down re COVID. Since that time I've been working 1/2 days only by choice. Going into month 5 now.

    COVID + WFH has been a blessing in disguise. I am self employed, so this has essentially been a paid paternity leave. Without COVID being the push to WFH I don't think I would have worked reduced hours for this long. Staying at home and seeing all the stuff happen during the day that I would have otherwise missed has made me realize how important these early months are. Take as much time off as possible, you will never regret it. I will definitely try and do this for future kids as well.

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    I just had my second child last month and have a two year old as well.
    Be prepared you will be tired all the time for the first three months so buy stronger coffee. I reccomend death wish coffee or make sure you are well stocked up on your favortie caffine source.
    Take as much time off as you can (see point one) you will be tired and will need to try to watch the baby while your wife sleeps etc.

  16. #116
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    I just hope you do a better job than I did with Rurr Jurr. I know it's a little late son but, I finally bought that pack of cigarettes I went out to get in 1993.
    Originally posted by SJW
    Once again another useless post by JRSCOOLDUDE.
    Originally posted by snowcat
    Don't let the e-thugs and faggots get to you when they quote your posts and write stupid shit.

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