Brutal honesty time: How to deal with frustration and change mentalities.

[spikerS]

Alright, time to wear my heart on my sleeve here, and ask for some help.

I was given a performance review today, which came back glowingly. My Manager and Director are both happy with my performance and results and, in general, are not able to identify any areas that require improvement, performance-wise.

However, my Manager told me that some people find me too "aggressive, dominant, and even combative". I agree, I can be all of those things. In my role, those are all desirable traits, and even ones my Manager somewhat promoted. He likened it to "A bull in a china shop". He didn't care how I fixed a problem, just get it fixed yesterday, and he would deal with the hurt feelings report that came after, which a few did. He knew I would drive things as fast as possible to get the desired result.

I 100% agree that I have all those traits in spades when the pressure is on. I don't have time for the indecisive, lazy, or incompetent when there can be millions of dollars on the line the longer an issue is drawn out. My job is periods of complete relaxation, and then being ramped up to a million PSI in the blink of an eye, and back down again. Kinda like a fireman. One extreme to another. So I imagine that these identified traits are the result of stress and frustration.

I have always considered myself to be able to deal with stress pretty well and not let it bother me, but, the more thought I gave this, the more I realized that I think the majority of this is coming from frustration. I realized I don't think I have ever given that any real thought, or in ways to deal with it constructively.

So, I am wondering, how do YOU deal with frustration in the workplace? Do you have any tips? Resources? Meditation techniques? I am open to pretty much anything.

Thanks! I would say thanks for not being "judgy" but, this is Beyond, after all... LOL

[killramos]

Personally? I upper deck the coffee machine.

[ThePenIsMightier]

Take all of your vacation time, always. See if you can get a full 2-3 week block of vacation where you are completely off the grid from work.

[ExtraSlow]

Subscribed because I think I need help in this regard as well.

[Lex350]

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Alright, time to wear my heart on my sleeve here, and ask for some help.

I was given a performance review today, which came back glowingly. My Manager and Director are both happy with my performance and results and, in general, are not able to identify any areas that require improvement, performance-wise.

However, my Manager told me that some people find me too "aggressive, dominant, and even combative". I agree, I can be all of those things. In my role, those are all desirable traits, and even ones my Manager somewhat promoted. He likened it to "A bull in a china shop". He didn't care how I fixed a problem, just get it fixed yesterday, and he would deal with the hurt feelings report that came after, which a few did. He knew I would drive things as fast as possible to get the desired result.

I 100% agree that I have all those traits in spades when the pressure is on. I don't have time for the indecisive, lazy, or incompetent when there can be millions of dollars on the line the longer an issue is drawn out. My job is periods of complete relaxation, and then being ramped up to a million PSI in the blink of an eye, and back down again. Kinda like a fireman. One extreme to another. So I imagine that these identified traits are the result of stress and frustration.

I have always considered myself to be able to deal with stress pretty well and not let it bother me, but, the more thought I gave this, the more I realized that I think the majority of this is coming from frustration. I realized I don't think I have ever given that any real thought, or in ways to deal with it constructively.

So, I am wondering, how do YOU deal with frustration in the workplace? Do you have any tips? Resources? Meditation techniques? I am open to pretty much anything.

Thanks! I would say thanks for not being "judgy" but, this is Beyond, after all... LOL

Your assessment sounds much like mine. I typically get these responses with salespeople because I hold them accountable to their actions. I'm tired of worrying about their fragile egos. The success of the project is more important than their "feels". After 29 years in this career, I have no interest in changing. All I know is I work on all the high profile complicated jobs at our company and they all turn out well. To the point where I have clients asking for me to be put on their project. That's alll that counts as far as I'm concerned.

[bjstare]

My job is demanding and can be pretty stressful (and it's easy to get frustrated with co-workers or clients since it's a fast paced environment working closely with your team, which changes every 6-12 weeks). Whenever I feel like it's getting to be too much, I find 15 min to go see my kids. Doesn't matter if they're happy or having a meltdown, it's always a good distraction. IIRC your kids are older, so might not be as easy to find this type of distraction. If I'm working after supper and the kids are in bed, I'll usually grab a scotch.

I'd advise against heading to the kitchen to upper deck your own coffee machine.

[spikerS]

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Take all of your vacation time, always. See if you can get a full 2-3 week block of vacation where you are completely off the grid from work.

I agree with your statement. I might not practice it, but I did take off 2 x 2-week vacations this summer. Normally I don't take much, just a day here or there to facilitate medical or other appts.

More what I am looking for is tactics for dealing with frustration in there here and now. I can't just stand up from my desk in the middle of the day during a big issue and say "fuck it, i'm on vacation!", as epic as that would be.

[Buster]

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Alright, time to wear my heart on my sleeve here, and ask for some help.

I was given a performance review today, which came back glowingly. My Manager and Director are both happy with my performance and results and, in general, are not able to identify any areas that require improvement, performance-wise.

However, my Manager told me that some people find me too "aggressive, dominant, and even combative". I agree, I can be all of those things. In my role, those are all desirable traits, and even ones my Manager somewhat promoted. He likened it to "A bull in a china shop". He didn't care how I fixed a problem, just get it fixed yesterday, and he would deal with the hurt feelings report that came after, which a few did. He knew I would drive things as fast as possible to get the desired result.

I 100% agree that I have all those traits in spades when the pressure is on. I don't have time for the indecisive, lazy, or incompetent when there can be millions of dollars on the line the longer an issue is drawn out. My job is periods of complete relaxation, and then being ramped up to a million PSI in the blink of an eye, and back down again. Kinda like a fireman. One extreme to another. So I imagine that these identified traits are the result of stress and frustration.

I have always considered myself to be able to deal with stress pretty well and not let it bother me, but, the more thought I gave this, the more I realized that I think the majority of this is coming from frustration. I realized I don't think I have ever given that any real thought, or in ways to deal with it constructively.

So, I am wondering, how do YOU deal with frustration in the workplace? Do you have any tips? Resources? Meditation techniques? I am open to pretty much anything.

Thanks! I would say thanks for not being "judgy" but, this is Beyond, after all... LOL

That doesn't sounds like it went "glowingly" to me?

I would say it is an immensely useful skill to be able to treat things like a bull in a china shop without giving people the impression you are behaving like a bull in a china shop. This comes down to communication skills, leadership skills, and (yes) sales skills, albeit internal sales skills.

I would respect your manager for identifying areas where you can improve. One of the downsides of my current position is that I don't get the much any more. So if I want to be a more effective person, I have to figure that shit out on my own.

[rx7boi]

+1

Don't worry about what most people think because most people don't have what it takes to get shit done.

When big initiatives are on the line, you need a team of people with a give-a-fuck factor and I hate dealing with numpty bitches that cry and come back with 10 meaningless excuses with why they can't do the job.

I manage a team of 20+ across North America and the UK. Some get it and some don't. Putting the right butts in the right seats is critical to success because there's obviously wide variance in people's tolerance, competencies, and work ethic. You have to assess those things.

That said, you still want to reflect on your emotional intelligence and how you bring out success in the team. If you are in a leadership role, this becomes even more relevant. I don't treat people as disposal but if they're not getting the job done then 1) I'm not doing my job and providing them with the tools and opportunities they need to succeed or 2) they're not the right fit.

This isn't the question you asked though, so I will tell you my answer: copious amounts of Pornhub

[Swank]

Frustration isn't necessarily a bad thing, it can be a catalyst for you to to get something done that's been stonewalled and then you can circle back to smooth stuff over after the bull has stopped running. As long as you're not yelling and throwing stuff with a recurring appointment with HR you're OK, and if managers and directors are backing you up then all the better. It might be worthwhile for you to take note of a coworker that seems to be opposite to your ways at work and go for a coffee. You might be able to get them out of their shell and they might be able to inspire you to approach matters that appeals more to the introverts.

I suppose it would help to know if you're working on a rig in Ft Mac or a bookstore in Inglewood, management would likely vary between the 2.

[Darkane]

Are you the “go to guy” or do you lead the team?

Those are not leadership qualities, maybe 30 years ago, and just 5-10 years ago in oil sector - but not now.

Leadership is about influencing the people into your desired outcome, and giving them the opportunity to do it their way on your timeline AND being successful with the other accountabilities is what makes the leader.

Bull in a China shop is too often used for “unrefined”.

I’ve had supervisors and mentors like the one your described. It’s effective, but not good for actual leadership.

[spikerS]

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Are you the “go to guy” or do you lead the team?

Not necessarily the "go-to guy" as it all comes down to who is on shift. We are a team of critical incident managers, so we don't have any direct reports per se, but, when a major outage or failure occurs, we are expected to take leadership of the various teams, make sure they are engaged, remove obstacles, ensure they are on track, and get things resolved as quickly as possible, etc... and then send out communications to our VPs and up about what is going on. So when the worst possible scenarios happen, it falls on my team to manage all the other support teams to get shit fixed fast.

I use the bull mentality when I run into entitlement or other bullshit people try to pull when they know damn well it's in their daily routine to be doing it, yet refuse to for bullshit reasons and such. It's not my first choice as I am a firm believer in "you will catch more flies with honey rather than oil", but if 2 attempts at friendly, polite, and reasonable discourse don't get anywhere.... well, 3rd strike and you're out.

[suntan]

This is why I don't want to be an employee if I can help it.

[ExtraSlow]

It sounds like you are in a really supportive environment where they actually care about developing you into a leader. This kind of honest feedback is really valuable. I would kill for an honest discussion of my performance, strengths, weaknesses and a discussion of how to develop my skills.
Instead a top executive of the company I work for told me that "they aren't interested in developing people". I need a new job.

[Buster]

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I would kill for an honest discussion of my performance, strengths, weaknesses and a discussion of how to develop my skills.

I'm available on Friday.

[ExtraSlow]

[flipstah]

For me, I balance with out with what small wins I can do at that time before it piles up to something crazy; talk with over with the project team to see if they agree; if they tack on something big or something long-term but they see it as 'easy', we talk it over offline as a 'tomorrow problem'.

If they push, they have to take one out that I said was an easy win with everyone and if everyone else agrees, then we take it out and do the big one. If both have to stay, then find me another body because I can't do all that. People are reasonable time to time.

I've come to realize that I can't please everyone. Once I got that, I let others deal with it and then tell me what I should do. I'm Switzerland.

[ExtraSlow]

That is a great point about getting some "easy wins" as quickly as possible. If you can give something small to someone else to complete, and you can trust them to do it, then that's also great leadership training. Or better yet, ask your team what quick wins they'd like to get out of the way first maybe?

[suntan]

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It sounds like you are in a really supportive environment where they actually care about developing you into a leader. This kind of honest feedback is really valuable. I would kill for an honest discussion of my performance, strengths, weaknesses and a discussion of how to develop my skills.
Instead a top executive of the company I work for told me that "they aren't interested in developing people". I need a new job.

Then they have to pay people more.

Meanwhile we're trying to develop people here and they're not interested.

[ExtraSlow]

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Then they have to pay people more.

Gross no thanks. we prefer to underpay by 20-40% thx.