Having kids: anyone regret it?

[cycosis]

No regrets but its incredibly demanding. I'm just starting to get a whiff of time for some hobbies again and were debating #2 which will toss that all out the window for a couple years. But the bright side is now I have someone to play lego with and not be judged for being a lunatic. Also looking forward to having a video game buddy when hes older. Its a lot of fun watching them hit milestones everyday and teaching them.

[sabad66]

No regrets after two kids. After experiencing raising two so far, I think I would regret NOT having them in the future.

That doesn't mean it's easy by any means. It's one of the hardest things you will do and it WILL test your marriage/relationship, but it's worth it in the end IMO.

[topmade]

Married 23 years now and kids are 16 and 18 now and no regrets. We've had our ups and down but it's a learning experience for everyone and there's always things that you could of/should of done differently to achieve a better outcome but that's just a part of living and you learn and move on. We had them a bit younger but it was planned and in parent teacher interviews I've had different teachers ask me if I was their uncle which is pretty funny.

[Manhattan]

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Somedays I miss the freedom before kids. I lost my wife this year so it's definietly harder being a single parent but I don't regret it.. Just regret not having kids earlier in life.. (I had my first at 34 and 2nd at 36)

Very sorry to hear that...hopefully there's some other family support around to help.

Someone in the old thread mentioned regretting not having kids earlier as well. I had mine in 30s and I think it's the best time to have kids. In your 20s you're broke so it's a much bigger financial hit but most importantly I wouldn't have had the maturity to deal with having kids as well as having them a bit later in life. I would have also majorly regretted missing out on living the bachelor life in my 20s and doing lots of solo traveling and backpacking. It's important to live your life and have those experiences before having kids and a family.

Kinda cathartic to hear honest opinions because 90% of what you read is people blowing smoke up your ass about the good side. Any parent would be lying if they didn't having moments of 'what the hell did I get myself into'. Those moment seem to happen less and less as kid matures and you gain parenting experience and patience.

[2Legit2Quit]

Mid 30's now and has been a subject between the woman and I, between moving cross country recently and now Covid...seems like bad timing and on the verge of hitting the too late factor.

Interesting thread as this is something we're actively trying to decide upon.

[Maxx Mazda]

I'm 35 with no kids, but I don't really want any either. You give up way too much freedom (financial and timewise) for my liking.

[Xtrema]

Usually regret doesn't kick in until kids starts to be in late teen/adult ages and even then it's very low percentage, like 1 in 10 regrets it.

This is based on casual convos with my parents friends 60+ whenever this topic comes up.

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when you get 80 years old and have no kids it can be very hard.

You know what's even harder? Seeing your kids fighting over who should (or not) take care of you.

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Anyone who has a kid to keep up with the Jones is a fucking idiot.

There are plenty of fucking idiots out there. And don't underestimate peer pressure, especially people with babies loves to show them off.

[finboy]

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I'm 35 with no kids, but I don't really want any either. You give up way too much freedom (financial and timewise) for my liking.

This, glad I locked down someone who prefers dogs to kids

[killramos]

I feel like as father of a 6 week old, I should really reserve my conclusion until a later date... Haha

[mr2mike]

When you're old, who's going to teach you how to use (insert the 2050's version of Tik-Tok)?

[kJUMP]

Right now, we're in the slums with our 4 month old infant daughter, so it's hard to be/stay positive. Her daytime naps are 20-45 mins max after much coaxing with her night sleeps longer but still 1-3 hrs before waking, hard to put her back down etc. A constant battle. We've read all the sleep books. Now our 3 yr old toddler daughter who used to be an angel sleeper (12-14 hrs stretches at night, no sweat) is waking up every few hours or so because she's scared, wants lights on etc etc. Honestly, we haven't slept 2 hrs continuously in the past week, brain power has fallen off significantly.

I think life was good with just the toddler? Hard to remember. You lose a lot of yourself when you have kids, ambition must be tempered for the benefit of family. You do feel being stretched physically/mentally/emotionally etc. Things were okay though, there were good times. Then COVID happened, everything fell apart, my wife was pregnant at the time. F*cking COVID.

So unfortunately, I cannot offer a conclusive answer whether having kids is good or bad at this stage.

[austic]

I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 months old and having kids was something I thought I would never want. But after the first one how bonded I became with my daughter I couldnt imagine life with out them. This christmas was the best I ever had as I got to pass down tradtions and see the magic of the season through their eyes. My oldest loves christmas lights so I went all out decorating the house, inflatable etc and took her to zoo lights. It was amazing.

Dont get me wrong with babies the first 3 months are rough but after that its been great.

Kids changed me. I was self centered, workaholic and now have something in my life thats more important than myself.

To add covid has been great (yes I know i shouldnt say that) but getting to work from home has allowed me to spend way more time with my kids. Which has been awesome to for my wife as well as I was able to help her alot more with the new born.

[bjstare]

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I feel like as father of a 6 week old, I should really reserve my conclusion until a later date... Haha

They don't really start getting fun until 8mo, and even then it's pretty lame compared to toddler phase. My oldest is 3 in April, younger one is ~5mo. Absolutely no regrets, we both wanted kids from day 1 and so far it's exceeding expectations (in terms of enjoyment), but it isn't easy. Our first one was a breeze in comparison to the second, and I'm firmly of the opinion that a couple shouldn't have kids unless they both are positive they want them, and also ensure their relationship is in good shape because it will be a test.

It's never more work than it's worth, but it's a shitload of work at times.

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Right now, we're in the slums with our 4 month old infant daughter, so it's hard to be/stay positive. Her daytime naps are 20-45 mins max after much coaxing with her night sleeps longer but still 1-3 hrs before waking, hard to put her back down etc. A constant battle. We've read all the sleep books.

This was EXACTLY what we just went through. Two things changed it - once he was old enough (~4.5mo) we let him cry it out; we also found out he wasn't getting quite enough to eat and switched him to formula. Now normal 2-3 long naps per day, and ~11h uninterrupted sleep at night. Lack of sleep has never really affected me that much, but it was very hard on my wife.

[JustinL]

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Mid 30's now and has been a subject between the woman and I, between moving cross country recently and now Covid...seems like bad timing and on the verge of hitting the too late factor.

Interesting thread as this is something we're actively trying to decide upon.

I'm 41 and have a nearly 2 year old and the second one on the way in June. I'm an old dad, but also don't regret waiting a bit longer to have my kiddo. My wife and I are established in our careers, financially stable, and we've traveled lots through our 20's and 30's. It would be nice to be younger, but that almost universally true! If you're able and want kids, go for it, don't worry about being an old dad, it's great. It will motivate you to stay fit.

As for the original question, I think the fear of regret is normal. As I got closer to the due date of my daughter I worried that we'd made a mistake or that I wouldn't love her; and in fact I feel some of those same emotions for the next one. But there is something primal that switches inside you once you hear and hold the kid. For some people it takes a bit longer too. As the kid gets older, you experience things along with them and that is the really rewarding part. You get to feel the joy that they feel. Every parent wishes they had more time to themselves and it's even harder in Covid with limited babysitters, home schooling, daddy daycare etc. That's normal to feel that way.

[ExtraSlow]

@kJUMP if the sleep thing is killing you, check out kitty raymond. Literally saved our lives. Don't reccomend for anyone who isn't already desperate though.

[Buster]

nothing like a binary, irrevocable decision to get your existential juices flowing.

[SJW]

I went through a divorce in 2006 and had some fun in 07 and 08. I ended up getting my girlfriend pregnant ( I was 35 and she 31). Anyway 12 years later and 2 kids we've been married for 10 years. I don't regret it. Its tough at times but they bring more joy than any other feeling. It's hard getting any time to yourself.

[Antonito]

Just my opinion, but I wouldn't recommend having kids if at least one of you isn't baby crazy. It's such a demanding time commitment that without having a strong desire to do the work a lot of parents end up being assholes. Not all, some couples go through major transformations once the kid is born, but enough that I don't want to risk it. My Dad never wanted kids, which he tells me at least once a year. Surprise surprise, he was a terrible father. My wifes mom didn't want kids but got pressured into having them, and spent their entire childhood taking her resentment out on them. Some just bail entirely.

I'm not against people having kids, for those that want them it seems like the most rewarding thing in the world. But don't buy into the lie that having a kid is guaranteed to magically turn you into a super parent. When this question gets asked you generally only hear from the success stories, not many people want to go on record saying they abandoned their kid or hate them so much that they beat the shit out of them.

[nismodrifter]

My boy is 11 months now. He has had a rough week with some sleep regression, developing like crazy and he just does not want to sleep. I think I've slept 2hrs at a time maximum and then he is up and wants to walk around. It's exhausting, but through some personal growth over the pandemic months I've learned to appreciate each and every second of it. There is no greater joy than watching him laugh his head off @ 3:00am when I have to work in the morning. Pure joy.

[riander5]

Have a 3 month old at 34, already couldn't imagine not having her in my life.

Drawbacks: No times for side business, sports, gym, ill probably never play a video game again.

Still wouldnt trade it