Sick father advice

[Power_Of_Rotary]

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This is such a limp dick comment. If you're sorry to say something, then don't say it. That preposition doesn't soften the blow of a controversial statement, it only makes you look like a bitch.

controversal? He doesnt sound like a good human being. Abused the OP mother. Just because you have cancer, doesnt change what who you are. The dilemma from the OP is sole due to his fathers poor behaviour, track record and drinking problems. I am sorry for his cancer, but his living situation is his own karma.

[bjstare]

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controversal? He doesnt sound like a good human being. Abused the OP mother. Just because you have cancer, doesnt change what who you are. The dilemma from the OP is sole due to his fathers poor behaviour, track record and drinking problems. I am sorry for his cancer, but his living situation is his own karma.

You missed my point entirely.

You'd be well served by removing the word "sorry" from your vocabulary, because you clearly don't know how to use it correctly.

[Xtrema]

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I would take him in but it's a bit complicated. I moved my aging mother into the walkout years ago and their relationship was not good when they were together so I have to consider her wants a well....

Then convince him assisted living faculties is best for everyone as you already taking care of one of your aging parent. I assume you are the only child? You have no capacity and time, so other family members to step up.

Ok. reading more seems like your father is trouble. Assisted living is probably the only way to go.

[Power_Of_Rotary]

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Then convince him assisted living faculties is best for everyone as you already taking care of one of your aging parent. I assume you are the only child? You have no capacity and time for other family members to step up.

Ok. reading more seems like you father is trouble. Assisted living is probably the only way to go.

Word. People on beyond go straight to sensitive nancy without the entire thread. Sorry, but im not sorry

[suntan]

Saying sorry is pure Canadiana. It should have a Heritage Moment commercial.

[ExtraSlow]

Assisted end of life ending.

[gwill]

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Assisted end of life ending.

Ouch.

While spending 6 or 7 weeks in and out of the hospital for my dad as he passed away we had a few different room mates in my dad's hospital rooms. One of them was a guy moved to comfort care to pass away. They had discussed EOL options.

As all the family gathered around the guy he came back to life. They had to bring him back to the hospital. Imagine deciding the end of life was the solution there?

[ExtraSlow]

That made no sense, but I was pretty drunk when I wrote

[max_boost]

This is so tough. Stay strong.

[jabjab]

Found a place called carewest and they come to the potential patients home to do an assessment and all they need is their Alberta health number and my dads consent.

Well, spoke with him about how he feels going into a full time care facility and as anticipated he shut it down pretty quick. He has a nurse coming to his house 3 times a week to drain fluid from his lungs and he feels that's good enough. I couldn't reason with him but I guess I can't force him against his will.

[ReasonOne]

It’s the best you can do given the circumstances. It’s a balance of doing what is best for him and respecting his wishes. You can’t force him against his will, but if his condition worsens he will find that his options become far more limited.

Chances are you know your father pretty well. Be sure he has someone appointed who manages his health or end of life decisions if he can no longer make them. And that it is legally documented (ie: power of attorney for medical decisions). If he gets to a point where he is no longer competent, making these decisions as a family can get very tricky indeed - so make sure he makes his wishes legally noted and do your best to follow them.

It’s a difficult position to be in, that’s for sure. All you can do is follow his wishes to the best of your ability without it putting you in a detrimental position. It’s hard to say, but you have to make yourself a priority. The hardest part is evaluating and acknowledging whether you have the resources to care for him. If you’re not in a position to take him in full time (or arent capable or haven’t the resources to care for him) even if you want to, your whole family is going suffer. It would be like a raft barely remaining afloat beforehand suddenly getting a severe puncture taking on gallons of water a minute. You won’t be doing anybody any favours that way - even if your intentions are just.

At the very least he retains his independence currently (which seems to be his preference). All you can do is re-evaluate if his condition worsens, and do your best to take things one day at a time. He’s shut down a care facility option to date, but he might change his mind down the road if his quality of life deteriorates substantially. Jus remind him that no matter what, you have his best interests at heart.

Hope you’re coping as best as possible.

[msommers]

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This is so tough. Stay strong.

+1

As much as people rag on each other here, this is a real shit spot to be in. Make the best decision with the information you have right now, that's all you can do.