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  1. #1
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    Default The fix soccer live blog

    I'm sitting at my son's soccer game. (Tier 1 ithink, so decently high level).

    I'm bored out of my head because soccer sucks donkey cock as a sport. So I'm going to try to fix it.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Idea 1: if you are throwing the ball in you get to advance ten yards. Create a cost for kicking the ball out of bounds.

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    Idea 2: Goalie should be able to use his hands but not hold or freeze the ball.

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    Idea 3: penalty kicks to end a game is fucking retarded. Play overtime.

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    Idea 4: offence should be allowed one extra player around the net for corner kicks.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Idea 5: get rid of offside. Stretch the field.

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    Add new rule to completely ban the use of the word "brilliant".

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    No whistles for contact

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    Don’t think any changes to the worlds biggest and/or most played sport will be coming from Canada.

    I do agree with idea 3. You don’t win a match by PK, you lose it.

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    No special goalie rules at all. Permit contact, no freezing the ball.

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    I say. No goalie. Much smaller net.
    Originally posted by Thales of Miletus

    If you think I have been trying to present myself as intellectually superior, then you truly are a dimwit.
    Originally posted by Toma
    fact.
    Quote Originally Posted by Yolobimmer View Post
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    guessing who I might be, psychologizing me with your non existent degree.

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    The Aussies may have some valuable suggestions.

    About the rules for football. You know....
    Last edited by ExtraSlow; 01-01-2023 at 09:31 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buster View Post
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    Idea 3: penalty kicks to end a game is fucking retarded. Play overtime.
    Undertime. If they're tied at the end, take time off. You scored last? Too bad, all that time gets taken off, you lose. 0-0 means both teams lose.

    Nets should stay the same size. The field should be shrunk to the size of a basketball court. 3 players per side.
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    Actual snipers will execute players who flagrantly dive and pretend to be injured.

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    Fix hockey instead, there is plenty wrong with that sport instead of grass root soccer for kids to burn off energy


    "There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know."
    -- Donald Rumsfeld

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    We can focus on the relatively niche broken sport of hockey next.
    Originally posted by Thales of Miletus

    If you think I have been trying to present myself as intellectually superior, then you truly are a dimwit.
    Originally posted by Toma
    fact.
    Quote Originally Posted by Yolobimmer View Post
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    guessing who I might be, psychologizing me with your non existent degree.

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    Hockey is broken in the "your child is likely to be abused or seriously injured" kind of way.

    Soccer is broken in the" game is boring so fans resort to violence and player resort to fake injuries" kind of way, but it's great for small kids.

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    Oh hockey is broken in many ways
    Originally posted by Thales of Miletus

    If you think I have been trying to present myself as intellectually superior, then you truly are a dimwit.
    Originally posted by Toma
    fact.
    Quote Originally Posted by Yolobimmer View Post
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    guessing who I might be, psychologizing me with your non existent degree.

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    Just ban all coverage of it, and spectating it. That way people can still play it and no one else has to suffer. Easy fix.
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    Name:  Howtofix soccer.jpg
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    Some of my suggestions previously were joking, but unlimited on-the-fly substitutions actually might be pretty awesome. Get fresh legs out there more often, create more pace and chances. Probably have to check-in with the scorer's table or something, but not logistically difficult.

    Another that's totally serious, and goes with the above, is that if you fall down and require the trainer to come on the field (creating "injury time" later) then you MUST be substituted out for some period of play. So if your best players are falling all over the place, they have to have some lesser players on the field for at least a little while. It's a minor disincentive, but is a "nudge" in the right direction on a few things.

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    real football does that - if you get injured you have to take three plays off on the sideline.

    As for the fresh legs thing...I'm not sure. Soccer players actually don't run that far. I think they average 6k per game, over ninety minutes or something?

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