Separated, but living in the same house. Possible?

[suntan]

Well whatever happens I hope you make through to the other side a healthier happier person.

Peopling is tough.

[Yolobimmer]

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Do the opposite of whatever ^it just said.

The only advice I can give any man is you need to be man enough that you don't need anyone else's validation. A man is the pillar of his world. If you can't shoulder the burden of your own struggles, along with anyone else's close to you, YOU need work.

This Jordan Peterson "poor me" "poor men" virus has infected incels everywhere into feeling entitled to affection, respect etc. If you are mentally and physically healthy, you won't need that from anyone.

Many of my friends relationship problems stem from this personal weakness, not from anything their partners do

If you need help, feel free to message me privately.ì

[JRSC00LUDE]

^ I can only imagine the emotionally retarded drivel this fucknut is clouding up this topic with based on the rest of his views.

[DonJuan]

So many posts in this thread to rep.

I don't have a whole lot to contribute on this but I feel for you OP. This is a rough situation that I can't imagine.

Someone suggested the separation agreement where the the kid continues to live in the home and the parents switch living there week to week . My cousin is going through this currently and sounds terrible. Especially since her ex likes to intentionally leave the house as a pigsty when they switch (used condoms, cig butts , unflushed shits in the toilet etc) in the master bedroom. So even though they don't see each other at all he is still messing with her mind. So she has a cleaner come through at the start of her week and at the end of her week.

Also, @Yolobimmer mentioned a good point. If there is no legally approved separation agreement, living at the same mailing address you may still be considered married for tax purposes. So its something to consider too.

Like ES said, wings, beer and someone to just vent to is a mental health saver. Keep your friends close.

[Kloubek]

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Do you have a lawyer yet?

Have the courts accepted your separation agreement?

How far along are you in the process?

is it REALLY her narcissism, or your insecurity? What is wrong with you that you need your wife to be your emotional crutches? No one can do that indefinitely. You need to find out why you are a wreck that needs emotional support.

I haven't lawyered up, no. I want this to go as amicably as possible, and she has stated she wants the same. But she still believes I'm considering the stated arrangement, which might have been her way to hold onto me. Once I tell her it isn't going to happen, I wouldn't be surprised to see the fun start from her side. We are not that far into the process, and I don't think she's accepted that I'm truly done. It has ALWAYS been me trying to repair the relationship after she goes ballistic over nothing.

As far as my own issues, I've made no secret about the fact I haven't been right in my brain all my life. But I've assessed it, accepted it, own my actions. But when one has such propensities, then you layer on years of extreme frustration and being made to feel like the "problem" all the time, and it's a bit of a mindfuck. As for her being a narcissist, she absolutely has symptoms of such behavior - though some symptoms can double as also not being invested in the relationship. It's funny - as men, we all understand women can get crazy and do emotional things that don't make any logical sense to us. The grey area is very wide. So is she an outright narcissist'? Perhaps not from a clinical sense. But is she at minimum on the dark end of that grey area? Absolutely.

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I hope youÂ’re keeping the Jag and giving her the Range Rover to deal with

Lol. They are both mine. She has her own shitbox. On that note though, I was planning on selling the Rover in the spring in favour of a more reliable family vehicle that can tow our trailer. In light of recent events, that may not be required - so who the hell knows now. Kinda the least of my worries.

Anyway, I'm not going to post any longer about this. A good point was made privately that this is all out there for the public to see, and if she does decide to go full nutzoid, I don't need her lawyers to grab any more than they already can.

[SJW]

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I haven't lawyered up, no. I want this to go as amicably as possible, and she has stated she wants the same. But she still believes I'm considering the stated arrangement, which might have been her way to hold onto me. Once I tell her it isn't going to happen, I wouldn't be surprised to see the fun start from her side. We are not that far into the process, and I don't think she's accepted that I'm truly done. It has ALWAYS been me trying to repair the relationship after she goes ballistic over nothing.

As far as my own issues, I've made no secret about the fact I haven't been right in my brain all my life. But I've assessed it, accepted it, own my actions. But when one has such propensities, then you layer on years of extreme frustration and being made to feel like the "problem" all the time, and it's a bit of a mindfuck. As for her being a narcissist, she absolutely has symptoms of such behavior - though some symptoms can double as also not being invested in the relationship. It's funny - as men, we all understand women can get crazy and do emotional things that don't make any logical sense to us. The grey area is very wide. So is she an outright narcissist'? Perhaps not from a clinical sense. But is she at minimum on the dark end of that grey area? Absolutely.



Lol. They are both mine. She has her own shitbox. On that note though, I was planning on selling the Rover in the spring in favour of a more reliable family vehicle that can tow our trailer. In light of recent events, that may not be required - so who the hell knows now. Kinda the least of my worries.

Anyway, I'm not going to post any longer about this. A good point was made privately that this is all out there for the public to see, and if she does decide to go full nutzoid, I don't need her lawyers to grab any more than they already can.

If you need support we're all here for you man. I know it can be tough.

[ercchry]

You have to finesse the next couple moves here for success…

-courts almost always side with the woman for custody, avoid that shit, it’s very expensive
-dangle a big cash carrot, if you can make the numbers work on the refi
-use said carrot to get her to sign a separation agreement (you will need this for any sort of financing related to the property, and removing her from it too), equal custody should avoid child support, and lump sum payment should avoid spousal support
-you can pull templates for sep agreements from the web, and as long as the court stamps it you’re good. If not you can get a lawyer to do it for ~$5k

[mr2mike]

Mods, can you please move this to a private subforum?
@rage2 @kenny

[TomcoPDR]

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Mods, can you please move this to a private subforum?
@rage2 @kenny

aka: The art room of sub

[ThePenIsMightier]

The probability of success with cohabitation after separation is certainly <50%.
Almost certainly <25%.
Very likely <10%.
Probably even <5%.
Maybe as low as 2%.

Would you put that much money on 17-black for one spin of roulette? I hope not.

[flipstah]

Firstly: sorry to hear you're going through this.

Secondly: you need a physical buffer as much as possible. Your proposal isn't sufficient to achieve this buffer.

[Buster]

If you're going to do this, make sure you're on top. knowwhatI'msayin'

[taemo]

Sorry to hear man.

Have a friend that separated with his wife last year and they have a 15 year old girl and 9 year old boy.
He's still paying for the mortgage of their townhouse where his ex and kids live and he's renting in another community nearby, they take turns taking care of their kids.
After a separation you will definitely need some distance and time away from your ex. Maybe after a year or 2 when you have both moved on, then you could arrange living under the same house again.

[tonytiger55]

OP I know you have not lawyerd up and are trying to keep things amacable.
Have a look online at the process at least. I know there have been some events on some mens groups. There have been webinars on the whole mediation/arbitration process etc.
Its good to get a idea of how the whole process works should it ever get to that stage.

Again, beer and wings are available any time. We're all here for you (or if you want chicken curry.. I know a good place).

[suntan]

Put hidden cameras in during the reno, sell footage. Pays for renos.

[Clever]

I’ve seen every divorce scenario anyone could think of due to where I work. My only advice is get your shit in order while things are amicable, parenting order, child support, division of matrimonial property etc. get that finalized and notarized and then prepare for the worst case scenario.

[Rocket1k78]

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Someone suggested the separation agreement where the the kid continues to live in the home and the parents switch living there week to week . My cousin is going through this currently and sounds terrible. Especially since her ex likes to intentionally leave the house as a pigsty when they switch (used condoms, cig butts , unflushed shits in the toilet etc) in the master bedroom. So even though they don't see each other at all he is still messing with her mind. So she has a cleaner come through at the start of her week and at the end of her week.

I get trying to keep things as normal as possible for the kids but this is a horrible idea.

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courts almost always side with the woman for custody, avoid that shit, it’s very expensive

99.99999999% yes but my BIL won the Psycho wife lotto 8 years ago and he has full custody of his kids since their divorce. I dont know the exact numbers but hes got to be $150k plus in lawyer fees in the last 2 years. Hopefully this stays somewhat amicable for Kloubek because once it gets nasty and they decide to fight with lawyers its going to get very expensive fast

[msommers]

150K??! Holy shit, where the fuck do you even get the cash for that kind of bill? When your smash hit 'Can I Borrow A Feeling' reaches #1?

[flipstah]

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ok guys. I think I've garnered enough comments. Thank you Tik-Tok - hearing a first-hand account is helpful, and Ercchry, if I could give you another rep, I would. That's a solid option to investigate.

Contrary to the crap we typically see on Beyond when it comes to emotionally-charged situations, you guys have been very helpful. Thank you.

Take it in maaaaan. It's one of the few times @ercchry is useful

[Yolobimmer]

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You have to finesse the next couple moves here for success…

-courts almost always side with the woman for custody, avoid that shit, it’s very expensive

This is not true. It always goes to what is in the best interest of the child. If you are a deadbeat dad now, too busy with work or your own demons to spend time with the family, then yeah. Status quo. But if you are a good dad and you kept notes, dates, incidents, they will always do what's best for the kid

-dangle a big cash carrot, if you can make the numbers work on the refi

-use said carrot to get her to sign a separation agreement (you will need this for any sort of financing related to the property, and removing her from it too), equal custody should avoid child support, and lump sum payment should avoid spousal support

You cannot bargain away a child's child support rights. That is the child's right, not yours, not moms. nothing you can do with the math there. 50/50 custody means nothing if you make a lot of money and she makes little, you WILL pay. You will also both have to disclose all your income, assets, debt, itemize everything down to the last comic book

-you can pull templates for sep agreements from the web, and as long as the court stamps it you’re good. If not you can get a lawyer to do it for ~$5k

A couple comments above in red. Lawyer up now. My partner is going through this now. His lawyer is $400 an hour, $10k retainer, you need to retop it everytime he spends $10 k in time.

Soon as his wife found out he was serious, she started gaming for position.