Paternity leave

[bjstare]

I took ~4 months with each of my kids. My employer offers it paid/encourages it. There are a number of people here that have posted something to the effect of "it might impact your upward mobility at work" - this totally depends on your company. I'm sure it's true at many places, but it's not been the case for me. It hasn't hurt me at all.

3 months is fuck all in the grand scheme of your career, but it can be a very important 3 months making sure your wife has the support she needs, esp if she has PPD or something.

[jabjab]

Im confirming with HR this morning if it needs to be taken all at once but I'm almost certain it does. The place I work had layoffs not too long ago and I feel being "loyal" or whatever you want to call it to a company doesn't mean much these days. Imagine not taking the full 3 months and then getting laid off, it's something we can't control.

What I can control is helping my spouse with our child, helping around tur house and being that buffer between our families. If I can split up the time that would be ideal.

[bjstare]

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Im confirming with HR this morning if it needs to be taken all at once but I'm almost certain it does. The place I work had layoffs not too long ago and I feel being "loyal" or whatever you want to call it to a company doesn't mean much these days.

Being more valuable to the business than your peers is what keeps you from getting laid off, and value is not always correlated to bum-in-seat time at the office (obviously, this is highly dependent on what you do for work). Loyalty is not relevant, it's not part of the conversation when people are getting laid off.

[ExtraSlow]

Loyalty is for dogs. Has nothing to do with a work discussion.

[jabjab]

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Being more valuable to the business than your peers is what keeps you from getting laid off, and value is not always correlated to bum-in-seat time at the office (obviously, this is highly dependent on what you do for work). Loyalty is not relevant, it's not part of the conversation when people are getting laid off.

There were 2 people I know from my work who would work while on vacation and 1 of them was someone who carried alot of knowledge in his department but still got laid off. I've been through two lay off cycles here and decisions are made at a high enough level level that they let go people that they don't even know what their day to day is. In a large company that's how it works, mid sized to smaller firms I can see your point about effecting your career

[ExtraSlow]

For sure, in a big company, not taking your vacation and other entitlements is basically just giving yourself a pay cut.

[LilDrunkenSmurf]

I took 6 weeks off when kiddo was born. 5 weeks pat leave, and a week of vacation. I regret nothing, and would happily take more time. If my wife wasn't working, and didn't get maternity leave, I would dip into that 12 months for sure. If my company is mad, well that's their loss, not mine.

[bjstare]

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There were 2 people I know from my work who would work while on vacation and 1 of them was someone who carried alot of knowledge in his department but still got laid off. I've been through two lay off cycles here and decisions are made at a high enough level level that they let go people that they don't even know what their day to day is. In a large company that's how it works, mid sized to smaller firms I can see your point about effecting your career

I think we're mostly in agreement, but somehow your post is worded like you're debating me

My point was that taking the time off is unlikely to affect your career in the long term.

Your example about letting people go when the decision makers don't know their day-to-day proves my point - those people clearly aren't super valuable/are easily replaceable, otherwise someone would know what they do day-to-day and raise a stink when they appeared on the cut list. I work at a (really) big company, and I have a say in which people get promoted or let go, I'm speaking from experience.

[riander5]

Take it closer to the 1 year mark vs right at the beginning

[tirebob]

I should also say, if my wife was the primary bread winner and my money making was secondary, I would happily be the one to stay home with baby. I realized my comments could have been taken as sexist or misogynistic but that wasn't the intent. I was speaking more to the roles each parent adopts moving forward after childbirth because the fact is, parenting is rarely a perfectly equal sharing of workload. There is almost always one parent who is primary and another parent who is the filler-inner as possible.

Do understand it is not solely time spent that creates bonding. It is the quality of time spent that makes a parent. That goes for time with your wife during this life changing experience too... I get that.

[LilDrunkenSmurf]

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I should also say, if my wife was the primary bread winner and my money making was secondary, I would happily be the one to stay home with baby. I realized my comments could have been taken as sexist or misogynistic but that wasn't the intent. I was speaking more to the roles each parent adopts moving forward after childbirth because the fact is, parenting is rarely a perfectly equal sharing of workload. There is almost always one parent who is primary and another parent who is the filler-inner as possible.

Do understand it is not solely time spent that creates bonding. It is the quality of time spent that makes a parent. That goes for time with your wife during this life changing experience too... I get that.

100% this. I told me wife if she makes more than me, I will happily be the stay at home parent, hands down.

[jabjab]

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I think we're mostly in agreement, but somehow your post is worded like you're debating me

My point was that taking the time off is unlikely to affect your career in the long term.

Your example about letting people go when the decision makers don't know their day-to-day proves my point - those people clearly aren't super valuable/are easily replaceable, otherwise someone would know what they do day-to-day and raise a stink when they appeared on the cut list. I work at a (really) big company, and I have a say in which people get promoted or let go, I'm speaking from experience.

Apologies, didn't mean to sound combative. There was this one person who was cut from a project we are doing where she was the ONLY person who knew what to do for a certain aspect of this job. The group was left scrambling after she was let go and cause a shit load of issues for the entire month. My company managers told us they don't know who's being cut until the day of and only the VPs know, that also could be a load of crap

[Tik-Tok]

I took 3 weeks when mine was born. For us it was only slightly too little and 4 weeks would have been nicer, but I can't fathom how 3 months would have been helpful unless my wife had complications with the birth and needed surgery.

As mentioned by a couple of people, this isn't so much for you bonding with the kid, it's more helping your wife.

[Ukyo8]

Our boy was born in the beginning of January, I took 2 months off work. Wish I could have taken way more to be honest, it's a very special time you'll never get back.
When you're 80 years old you'd probably give up almost anything to travel back in time and spend a day with your baby when they were a new born.

I think you feeling guilty about taking the time off is silly, if you left your job tomorrow they'd be fine and probably forget about you within a few days. Your family is what truly matters.

[riander5]

Expanding on my point - our kid was born in October, I took 2 months pat leave the following summer (July / August)

Unless your employer sucks, you should get some time home when they are first born and hopefully a tad of flexibility.

Spending 2 months with a 9-12 month old is a blast.. theres only so much you and your wife can do all day with a newborn.

[JRSC00LUDE]

If a place punished you for taking the paternity/maternity leave they they offer, I wouldn't want to work there.

[Twin_Cam_Turbo]

A friend of mine had their child 6 hours before he started a new job, he showed up on his first day and they sent him home for a week thankfully.

[killramos]

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If a place punished you for taking the paternity/maternity leave they they offer, I wouldn't want to work there.

Is it punishment to acknowledge the reality that the world doesn’t stop spinning when someone takes time off?

[tirebob]

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A friend of mine had their child 6 hours before he started a new job, he showed up on his first day and they sent him home for a week thankfully.

That actually happened to me when my daughter was born... I just had quit a job with a chain tire store who bought the independent I was working for, I called up a friend who owned a company and he hired me on the spot. I was supposed to start that Monday and my wife went into labour at like 2:00am that morning so I never showed up as I was in the hospital and the birth was troublesome.

I called him at 10:00am apologizing and explained what was going on and he said to take the next couple weeks off paid and we will just call it my first two weeks of vacation (this was before paternity was available for dads to take). I always appreciated that!

- - - Updated - - -

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Is it punishment to acknowledge the reality that the world doesn’t stop spinning when someone takes time off?

This... It isn't punishment really to acknowledge that certain positions require a specific individual whose presence is critical to proper operations.

[brucebanner]

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Is it punishment to acknowledge the reality that the world doesn’t stop spinning when someone takes time off?

Do you think 1 person is singularly important enough that the company can't manage without them in the big scheme of things? Are there exceptions to this? Absolutely but generally speaking? Nah