Paternity leave

[ThePenIsMightier]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

I thought the first month was fucking awesome. It got better when they were older for sure but I wouldn't have traded that first month for anything. My daughter was born March 15, 2020 the day before the world shut down for covid and because I was a consultant at the time I effectively got 4 months off at home with my family and it was the best. Am white, have no culture... maybe I'm more of an exception than the norm though so

I'm with you. I loved holding them while they fell asleep.

[LilDrunkenSmurf]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

I thought the first month was fucking awesome. It got better when they were older for sure but I wouldn't have traded that first month for anything. My daughter was born March 15, 2020 the day before the world shut down for covid and because I was a consultant at the time I effectively got 4 months off at home with my family and it was the best. Am white, have no culture... maybe I'm more of an exception than the norm though so

Absolutely. Kiddo is 5 months old, and I miss the first 3 months. There was some exhausting times, but she was so fucking cute, and would just laugh at me. And when she slept on me, it was heaven.

[holden]

So don't take the full amount of company provided fully paid parental leave? Got it.

What about vacation/PTO? Should I also leave some of that on the table at the end of each year? Should I also insist to pay more of my medical/dental fees instead of letting the company insurance pay for it?

[brucebanner]

Enjoyed the fresh baby stage, napping on me was one of my favorite parts of it.

Granted my kids are both very young but every stage so far has very enjoyable things about it.

[jabjab]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

So don't take the full amount of company provided fully paid parental leave? Got it.

What about vacation/PTO? Should I also leave some of that on the table at the end of each year? Should I also insist to pay more of my medical/dental fees instead of letting the company insurance pay for it?

Good point, these are part of the benefits when joining a bigger company. Why not utilize them. Paternity leave is not the same as stress leave

[holden]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Good point, these are part of the benefits when joining a bigger company. Why not utilize them. Paternity leave is not the same as stress leave

OP, seems like you coming more from a place of not wanting to burden others rather than maximizing advancement. Seems like a good compromise is to do what the other poster advised and be available for DMs and occasional calls/meetings while you are technically off the clock, helping to support the Sr. Specialist. I believe with secondary leave you usually have up to a year after birth to take it, so maybe take a few weeks off at birth and the 3 months a little later when the other person is up to speed.

When trying to make some tough decisions I like to think in extremes to make it easier.

- if you take the 3 months off and the project went off the rails, would you regret taking the time off?
- if don't take the 3 months off and got a promotion and raise later this year, would it have been worth it?
- if you didn't take the 3 months off and were still part of future layoffs, would you have wished you did?
- if god-forbid something happened and you lost the child at an early age, would you have regretted taking the time off?

Speaking in meta terms, I think dads taking longer leaves takes some stigma off moms doing the same. Since some of the viewpoints in this thread are really against taking time off, I would imagine their view of female employees taking even longer leaves would be similarly negative.

[ThePenIsMightier]

Be progressive and become a male stay-at-home mother.

https://youtube.com/shorts/9XbuuIOMT...OQ67jeWyFgvR3K

[bjstare]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Speaking in meta terms, I think dads taking longer leaves takes some stigma off moms doing the same.

This is why it's highly encouraged for dads to take time off at my company. #genderequality

My company is very woke, and for the most part its insufferable, but there are some good things that come out of it.

[g-m]

3 months though? I get bored if I take a 3 WEEK vacation. My wife literally can't wait to get back to work and our son just turned 6 months. She'll go back right after we get back from Greece

[bjstare]

Different strokes. I didn't miss my job at all, and there's a long list of things I'd rather spend time doing than working. I wish I loved my job more than relaxing with my wife and kid, it would make it much easier to dedicate all my time to it

[jabjab]

Yes, I come from a place of not wanting to burden people but that is a flaw that I have due to how I was raised growing up. Advancement is hard in my current group, the next step up is a Sr Specialist and we already have one in the group (hence my back up). They have stated that there can only be 1 Sr specialist in a group at time which is some BS office politics.

-the project will not fall off the rails if i take 3 months off, the supervisor will not allow that to happen
-i got a pretty good raise this year and an exceed expectations on performance review , i asked what about a promotion and they told me there can only be 1 senior specialist at a time so moving groups in the future is on my goal list
-yes i would have wished i took the 3 months off if there were layoffs
-yes i would regret not spending time with my child if something bad were to happen.

I have decieded that I will take the 3 months pat leave because its a benefit that was made available to help work/life balance. I believe its part of the total compensation package and to me, work is a way to pay the bills. If i owned my own business i'll be singing a different tune but corporate world can be a bunch of bullshit politics that if i just focus on my new family i'll be fine.

[black_2.5RS]

I took 4 months off for each kid (2). I didn't take it right away, I think I took it right around the 6-12 month mark. It was the best time ever. I don't believe it hurt my career either.

[LilDrunkenSmurf]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

3 months though? I get bored if I take a 3 WEEK vacation. My wife literally can't wait to get back to work and our son just turned 6 months. She'll go back right after we get back from Greece

Only boring people are bored. I have lots to do around the house, and would happily retire at this age if I could afford it.

[killramos]

If I’m not at work I spend money.

Retirement is expensive

[Swank]

Sounds like working from home and "only call me if the floor is actually lava" might be the middle ground that would put you at ease. Kinda like what @holden was mentioning. If your tasks require you to be on site then disregard.

[XylathaneGTR]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

They have stated that there can only be 1 Sr specialist in a group at time which is some BS office politics.
[...]
i got a pretty good raise this year and an exceed expectations on performance review , i asked what about a promotion and they told me there can only be 1 senior specialist at a time so moving groups in the future is on my goal list

Not that I'm recommending this, but what if the current Sr. Specialist was the Nancy Kerrigan to your Tonya Harding? Hm?

[nismodrifter]

Took 2 weeks off with first.
Took 1 month off with second.
I am never truly "off". I check incoming documents/reports routinely while at home (I'm legally obligated to) and I check in with my secretary every other day. They know to call me if there truly is a real emergency that cannot be addressed by my colleagues.

Take the time off. Life is short. Enjoy that very special time with your children. You only get to experience that phase once (though this can be said for each and every day).

[88CRX]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Took 2 weeks off with first.
Took 1 month off with second.

Exactly what I did. A+ would recommend.

I'm not obliged to work while 'on vacation' (I used vacation time), and some team members/staff needed the eye opener to figure shit out in my absence so I legit took a month off with zero work contact. First time in 20 years I've ever done that. Was great... till I returned to a backlog of a month of shit to deal with hah.

[jabjab]

I met with a male employee who has taken the new 3 month pat leave to discuss it. He knows my current manager and said that she would know all about it the new pat leave benefits.

I felt confident and let my manager know after that I look to use the 12 weeks pat leave and she acted surprised that there was this benefit available. Seems like an odd reaction and my impression is that they didn't want me to find out.

[holden]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

I met with a male employee who has taken the new 3 month pat leave to discuss it. He knows my current manager and said that she would know all about it the new pat leave benefits.

I felt confident and let my manager know after that I look to use the 12 weeks pat leave and she acted surprised that there was this benefit available. Seems like an odd reaction and my impression is that they didn't want me to find out.

Cold-blooded. Can't imagine trying to deny a direct report benefits afforded by the company.