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Thread: Want to quit your job? Use this Letter of Resignation.

  1. #1
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    Default Want to quit your job? Use this Letter of Resignation.

    Actual Letter submitted by an admin.

    Mr Baker,

    As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

    You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

    Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

    1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
    2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.
    3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

    Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow.

    One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never fuck with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.

    Sincerely,



    Ted Brewer
    Travel

  2. #2
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    haha, that's pretty funny...I could change afew things here and there and use that myself.

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    damn that is hilarious!! my current boss is a prick and i think that would suit him fine!

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    hey sorry to bring this thread back up, but if i use this (it is modified) could i be in shit with the cops for verbal harassment?? because i really want to use it on my boss right now, but i don't want to get in shit

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    haha, is it really illegal to say bad things about a former employee? Doesn't make much sense!

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    Originally posted by szw
    haha, is it really illegal to say bad things about a former employee? Doesn't make much sense!
    i was wondering about that too ...i just had it happen to me and it fucked me over for a job i needed desperately
    Last edited by RX-7_TWINTURBO; 11-13-2002 at 09:34 PM.

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    hmmm you should call the labour board and ask...it can't hurt to ask and mabye you could find out if i give this to my boss if i can get in shit for it?

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    mah i don't care......i will give it to my boss when i go to quit...but i just hope that i don't get in shit....

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    I just did a quick google search. Found a website talking about references and the laws about them. (dunno if it applies to Canada).

    After leaving a job, a former employer is free to pass along negative information about you to prospective employers, and most state laws protect them from legal recourse provided the information is - job related; based upon credible evidence; and made without malice.

    It is illegal for a former employer to purposefully give false information for the sake of harming one's reputation or preventing one from obtaining employment. In addition, personal information that is not job related should neither be asked about or provided by either a prospective or former employer. In general, it is inappropriate for a prospective employer to ask questions or a former employer to provide information about an individual's race, color, religion, sex, national or ethnic origin, age, disability status, marital status, sexual orientation, or parenting responsibilities.

    Former employers who fear potential defamation and slander law suites have become crafty when answering employment reference questions. Rather than speak negatively about a former employee, some will opt to "No Comment" when asked critical employment questions regarding performance, termination, and eligibility for rehire. The inference of this is just as harmful to the employee as a bad reference, and if a prospective employer has to choose between two qualified applicants - one with positive references and the other with mediocre or bad references - who do you suppose they will choose?

    Another common practices among leery employers is to refuse to give any information about an employee other than dates of employment and title.

    This is gross disservice to an employee who has dedicated years of faithful service to a company, yet gets no better of a reference then an employee who was fired for embezzlement. Unfortunately, this policy is within the legal rights of an employer provided the policy is an across the board policy that applies to all employees - not just a selected few. There have been cases successfully argued that an employer discriminated against an employee for not applying the same policy to all its employees.

    Employment laws vary significantly from state to state. You should consult an attorney in your state regarding specific legal questions. If you suspect your former employer is giving you a bad reference, or of something more malicious like slander, defamation, or blacklisting, you should consider investigating your references
    http://www.references-etc.com/

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