In the good old days...
This is what a 50 year man would say about the import tuning scene:
1) Teenager buys $4,000 Japanese car which is so light that it routinely gets picked up and blown off the side of the road whenever a particularly large pickup truck passes in the opposite direction.
2) Car is immediately painted the color of whatever mysterious substance the teenager puked up the previous night.
3) The paint on the vehicle is then "touched up" with radioactive isotopes, allowing it to glow in the dark and burn holes through people's retinas during the day.
4) Decals with colorful slogans such as "WICKED RYDAH" or "THUG PIMPIN'" or "I LIKE SOUP" are plastered to the front windshield. A sticker that spells out the vehicle manufacturer's name in 140-point white font is adhered to the back window so everybody else in the world knows that the Toyota being driven is, in fact, a Toyota.
5) Normal headlights are replaced with bulbs that channel their light directly from the inside of the sun. Tail lights are replaced with piercing red bulbs which were handcrafted by Lucifer himself.
6) Random pieces of plastic and metal are welded in to the sides, top, and rear of the automobile to give it that "customized" look, much in the same sense that retarded people have a "drooling all over their pants" look.
7) The exhaust and muffler system is taken out and replaced with chrome city water pipes.
8) The factory tires and hubcaps are switched with ones that have bizarre part names including a lot of letters and number, such as "PRO-Z93SbSS380BUTTHAT392." The new hubcaps have lots and lots of shiny things all over them, like that one car from Spy Hunter which had retractable spears protruding from its wheels.
9) All windows are tinted to reflect 99.9% of outside light. The driver of these customized cars doesn't need to see anyway, particularly since they recline and lower their seat beneath the dashboard, to the point where it scrapes the ground, sending sparks everywhere during routine police chases.
10) The engine is scrapped and replaced with something that looks like a really shiny version of the female reproductive system. This new engine makes extremely loud noises, the one way of knowing your vehicle is very powerful.
11) The stereo system is stripped and a 500,000-watt system is put in, one that causes sonic booms every time a kick drum plays. These stereo systems are only allowed to play rap music and rap music only; if somebody tries to put in a non-rap CD, then the factory warranty is broken and the car will self-destruct. Rap music is very popular with people who spend thousands of dollars customizing their retarded car, because the deep bass shakes their brains like a baby inside a salad spinner, causing their neurons to misfire and thereby preventing them from realizing they spent thousands of dollars customizing their retarded car.
12) Cloth the color of reflective jogging gear is layered across the interior. This is the only substance with enough power to pass light through the tinted windows, as the material is powered by cold fusion reactors located in the trunk of the vehicle.
I didn't write this but I thought it was funny
-M
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