Monday funnies in your emails
A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of the state. After spending the night, his
grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather.......
"Are these plates clean?"
His grandfather replied...."those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal."
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes....so he asked again....
"Are you sure these plates are clean?"
Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says......"I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore!"
Later that afternoon, as he was on his way out to get the paper, the dog started to growl and would not let him pass.......
"Grandfather, your dog won't let me out," he complained.
Without diverting his attention from the football game, his
Grandfather shouted......
"Coldwater, Move!"
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I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam. His new nurse, Elaine, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me.
She said that he would only be a few minutes.
After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down.
While waiting I observed that there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:
a Tube of K-Y jelly; a rubber glove; and a beer.
When the doctor finally came in I said,
"Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse.......
Darn it ELAINE!!!!!!!!!!!
I said a BUTT LIGHT"
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