School me on being a Dad

[Skrilla]

Great info guys thanks. Super stoked, and nervous. Is the Beyonder who does baby stuff still in business?

[dirtsniffer]

@cycosis was involved with casz kidz but I think the store closed

[Mitsu3000gt]

Everyone else already mentioned sleep training, but DO NOT let them sleep in your bed. I have seen that turn into a multi-month/year nightmare for more than one family. Everyone is different but I have only ever seen this end very badly.

Also, I have seen so many people pour so much money into stuff that gets used once, never, or is outgrown in a month. Consider how long it will be used before you buy anything - chances are you can make do with something dramatically cheaper, or used, for most things. I can't even count how many times I've seen kids ignore the fancy expensive toys and go for the bubble wrap/crinkly paper or whatever. The most used gift I have ever bought a kid was a set of plastic cups to play with in the bath tub.

Other than that, enjoy having zero disposable income Seriously though, congrats on the new addition

[Doozer]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Great info guys thanks. Super stoked, and nervous. Is the Beyonder who does baby stuff still in business?

I'm sure you'll do awesome. Being excited about it is half the battle.

One thing I've seen no one mention for the first kid is not to think the sky is falling every time they cry. You'll start to pick out the different cries - hungry, poopy, tired, whatever. But sometimes they just need to cry. Especially if you or the wife don't think you can handle it or figure it out, and you're freaking out, just put them safe in their crib and take 15 minutes to yourself while they cry it out. Don't try to power through some tantrum at the end of a busy work day when there's no supper and the house is a mess and they just won't stop crying. Take 15 and you'll all be better off for it.

PS - I'm all for the baby monitors, but skip the camera part. Not only are there security issues, but it made some friends of mine freaky about always watching their kids. If they couldn't see them, they'd literally get anxiety. Don't even go down that road. Get an audio monitor and don't worry about it.

[rage2]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

PS - I'm all for the baby monitors, but skip the camera part. Not only are there security issues, but it made some friends of mine freaky about always watching their kids. If they couldn't see them, they'd literally get anxiety. Don't even go down that road. Get an audio monitor and don't worry about it.

Just have good self control. Like you said it’s good to let them cry it out once in a while, a quick check on camera to make sure it’s nothing is better than going in to check every time. They gotta learn crying doesn’t mean instant attention.

[dirtsniffer]

We decided on a video monitor, but not one you can view remotely so we couldn't spy on one another and to more enjoy the time apart.

Agree 100% on not buying a ton of fancy shit, but we probably all thought that going into having kids as well, and guess how that turned out.

Pre and post natal classes are great. The info is decent, but the support network is great. Having 10-12 new moms connect and lean on each other for support and questions was really valuable. Made some long term friends in ours and a bunch of moms still chat via whatsap

[you&me]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

We decided on a video monitor, but not one you can view remotely so we couldn't spy on one another and to more enjoy the time apart.

Agree 100% on not buying a ton of fancy shit, but we probably all thought that going into having kids as well, and guess how that turned out.

Pre and post natal classes are great. The info is decent, but the support network is great. Having 10-12 new moms connect and lean on each other for support and questions was really valuable. Made some long term friends in ours and a bunch of moms still chat via whatsap

That's a great point about the pre-natal classes. The initial support is priceless, especially for the new moms to lean on each other. 8 years on, we're still friends with some of the parents from our group and the kids still do some activities together.

I'd suggest that there's a difference between "fancy" baby stuff and "high quality" baby stuff... The fancy stuff is stupid, but the high quality stuff a) last longer and b) can have a shockingly high resale value, which really helps off set the cost if you can swallow the initial purchase price.

[ExtraSlow]

If Ikea sells it, use that. Cribs, bedding, toys, dinnerware, decor etc. If you spend more than Ikea you are a sucker.

[Toilet_X]

Make sure you take the soother away by age 9, or the poor kid will end up like me with a SEVERE oral fixation. Congrats fella!

[RX_EVOLV]

Here's what I learned since being a dad 16 months ago:

1) Sleep train them as soon as you can. Once you start sleeping through the night everything else just becomes easier

2) Don't buy too much cloths or toys in the first 12 months - they outgrow them so fast. Only buy what you need, not what you think you need. For example, get a swing only if you have a tough time getting the sleep to nap. Buy a jacket only if the weather is cold. Don't buy ahead. Borrow what you can.

3) Alot of the products IMO are designed to make the parent's life easier, not baby's.. so don't be afraid to spurge on them. The $200 Baby Brezza Formula Pro was probably the single best purchase we made. We can't recommend it enough. The $150 Snuggle Me was another purchase we splurged on.

4) If your wife is planning to breast feed, consider renting the commercial grade pump from Shoppers (I think ~$100/month) vs buying a home use one unless you need the portability. It is SO much more powerful, even compared to the most expensive home use ones.

5) We got the Arlo Baby camera and couldn't be happier. The portability of being able to stream off our ipad or phone alone was worth the price tag. Having a camera is so nice since we can just check and see if the baby making noises in her sleep vs full out sitting up crying. If it's the former we just let her cry it out.

6) Alot of people buy the Diaper Genie, but we ended up getting the Ubbi so we can use our own odor blocking bag and that worked out great.

[abyss]

I'll give the advice my friend gave me as a high school teacher.

"I have no idea which kids in my class were breastfed or bottle fed, or which ones had the best toys. But I can tell which ones are loved, read to and have the support of caring parents. And I promise, by the time they get to me, they ALL use the potty independently and none of them co-sleep with their parents."

Honestly, it's about the big picture. You're going to make mistakes, but remember that there are incredibly shitty parents out there who manage to still raise functioning members of society, just do the best you can and when you know better, do better.

[D'z Nutz]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Make sure you don’t let them drink pop

Best advice if you want to raise an 89snowflake

[gwill]

I've got a teenager and then had a baby last year that just turned one. Got another one due in a couple weeks. One thing I'm thankful for is having a wife that I completely trust.

Biggest thing we focus on is always listening to and then responding to the baby as they try to communicate. Early on its eye movements. Turns to grunts or little cries. As the baby tries to touch things we encouraged that and helped her explore. One of her favorite things right now is reading her books. The toys get played with but her books are her favorite.

I've noticed how much I love looking through the photos of our baby from when she was born or from the first few months. In 12 months theres such drastic changes. Find a way to capture these moments in an easy way to look back on.

I agree with others when they said dont buy too much for when their little. We gave away a lot of needless clothes or clothes that got out grown so quickly. Too many toys are pointless.

Best investment for us at the earlier age was a good swing. When you need a quick break that was always used. We said we would never have the tv on but that changed as well HAH.

[Kloubek]

Firstly, congrats. Your life will never be the same - both in good and bad ways.

My best piece of advice: Relax. You don't know how to be parents yet, but how to do it is largely instinctive and common sense. You will learn.

You will also make mistakes. Lots of them. But you will learn from them and take comfort in the fact that you have a 2-3 year learning buffer before their memories start forming. They will never know.

Kids watch EVERYTHING. Your actions, your words, your interactions. They will also mimic you. So always consider the example you are setting. Telling them not to do what you do doesn't work well. Fight with your wife out of earshot too. You are teaching your child how to handle disputes the whole time.

Kids will challenge you. All. The. Time. They test their limits and your patience. They go through phases quickly. They love you. They hate you. They want everything Dinosaur themed then a month later lose all interest. They will act happy one moment then grumpy as fuck the next. Prepare for a rollercoaster of a ride. Right now, my son is refusing to eat off white plates he believes he can only see hairs on black plates. Yes, he is paranoid of a tiny hair or fiber being on his plate. And we have a dog. You can imagine how much fun that has been. Last year his thing was always licking his hands. That was a joy.

Be open with your kids. Tell them you love them often and show it. Try not to lie. If they find out you lie to them, trust can be easily broken and it makes it acceptable for them to do the same. Ensure they are comfortable with speaking to you about anything at all.

Use positive reinforcement. Works for dogs and kids alike. They love for you to be proud of them.

Be reasonable with your expectations and if you don't want them doing something, explain why. They learn little from things simply being forbidden or "because I said so".

Resist urges to give in. Not only did you not have the original position for a reason, the more you give in the more they expect you to give in and will try harder next time.

I could go on for an hour so I will stop there.

[benyl]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

"I have no idea which kids in my class were breastfed or bottle fed, or which ones had the best toys. But I can tell which ones are loved, read to and have the support of caring parents. And I promise, by the time they get to me, they ALL use the potty independently and none of them co-sleep with their parents."

One thing I have learned is that kids will tell you when they are ready to do things. Getting them to do thing when you think they are ready just leads to issues. That being said, every kid is different.

I would also suggest listening to your kids when they babble. You would be surprised how much they can communicate very early. I've seen some parents just ignore their kids because it is "babble."

my 9 year old still needs someone to lay down with him to fall asleep. Judge me all you want, if it makes him happy, it makes me happy.

[rage2]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

my 9 year old still needs someone to lay down with him to fall asleep. Judge me all you want, if it makes him happy, it makes me happy.

I have a friend who has a daughter in her late teens that have to sleep with them every single night. I guess in 5 years I can say I'll have 2 friends with such an issue lol.

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Kids watch EVERYTHING. Your actions, your words, your interactions. They will also mimic you. So always consider the example you are setting. Telling them not to do what you do doesn't work well. Fight with your wife out of earshot too. You are teaching your child how to handle disputes the whole time.

Ever since COVID WFH my kids sound like a bunch of fucking youtubers. Hey guys! Bro!

[Rocket1k78]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Sleep training does work to a degree, but it depends on the kid.

I was going to say its easier said then done haha I have multiple friends who tried this and most failed because they couldnt follow through. My cousin sleep trained both his kids and to this day he still feels like a monster for letting his kids cry it out like that lol If it does work though it is very nice to be able to sleep through the night.
The other problem with setting sleep routines is you have no flexibility, we went on a trip with a couple who had one and they literally had to be back to the hotel by 7 every night to get the kid in bed.

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

4) If your wife is planning to breast feed, consider renting the commercial grade pump from Shoppers (I think ~$100/month) vs buying a home use one unless you need the portability. It is SO much more powerful, even compared to the most expensive home use ones.

This!

[Doozer]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Ever since COVID WFH my kids sound like a bunch of fucking youtubers. Hey guys! Bro!

So much this. Drives me absolutely insane. The volume level is louder too. It's like they're yelling everything for an imaginary camera somewhere now.

[nismodrifter]

I am a new dad. Our boy was born about a week and a half before hospitals locked down. We went to the hospital with masks, hand sanitizer in our bags knowing that COVID was around the corner. It's been an interesting road since. Isolation, a new baby, and now working from home. Fun times.

Here is what I've learned in the past 4 months:
1. Time flies by, enjoy each moment, cut back on work if you can, they grow quick.
2. You can waste a shit load of money on baby stuff. Get hand me down clothes if possible from friends/family. The clothes last like 1-2 months max and then you are on to the next size.
3. Babybjorn bouncer
4. Keep your ego in check, shut up, help your wife, do whatever she says, smile. The number system (mentioned by nissanK) helps gauge how she is doing on any given day.
5. Take time for yourself. I go for a short walk at the end of each work day before going to help with baby. I also try and get a 1hr afternoon nap at least twice a week. With COVID + WFH, self care is important or you will go nuts.
6. Sleep now, watch movies now, order nice dinners now, tinker on your car now, work in the yard now. Very hard to do this stuff with new-born. Slowly gets better.

Lastly. Enjoy and go with the flow. The baby will often tell you when they are ready for the next step.Turn off the phones, turn off the computers, stop reading internet, and just spend quality time with your kid.



We are beginning the final parts of our sleep training madness tomorrow, shutting the door and walking out for X minutes. Fingers crossed it goes well.

[Darell_n]

Of the 10 couples that were in our pre-natal class, we are still friends with most of them and the kids are now classmates and play with each regularly 6 years later. Most have 2nd kids by now too and it’s great having them close to the same age, especially if there are none if your extended family.